SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Let's tally this here:

*No sex for years. That is NOT okay in a marriage unless both partners really don't want sex. Sex is an integral part of marriage. If one partner consistently refuses it, that is grounds for divorce.

*You improved your fitness & your wife insulted your efforts. That's abusive.

*Your wife cheated, lied, gaslighted, devalued you & exposed you to possible STDs from her partner(s). That is abusive.

*She does not accept responsibility for this.

*Your sex life is STILL virtually nonexistent.

OP, your wife doesn't love you. She isn't even remotely a good candidate for reconciliation.

You can divorce and meet someone else who will appreciate you. Really. Do that.

I recommend you read Cheating in a Nutshell by Tamara and Wayne Mitchell.

And to the comment about how I shouldn't take any responsibility for the cheating. I disagree. If I don't learn from this, I will set up the same situation for another cheater. You can't always blame others 100%, even if they made their own mistakes. If you take some ownership, you can learn from it, see the patterns in the future and NEVER make the same mistakes again.

She made those mistakes, not you. They are only her mistakes for only her to learn from.

OP, you probably can't accept this fact because it's scary to realize that you were NEVER in control of the situation. Lack of control is scary. You did not set the stage for your wife cheating at all. She cheated because of who she is, not because of what you did or didn't do. The one mistake you made that you might learn from, is that you married the wrong person, with the wrong values.

Get in-depth pre-marital counseling before marrying again. Make sure you're both in love (seems like she never was), that you're compatible, and that you both agree that there is never any reason for infidelity, that it is never a valid option, no matter what.