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cbgrace1980 ( member #64109) posted at 8:03 PM on Tuesday, October 9th, 2018
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have asked myself this question, as I have been in your shoes before. I do believe that people can change if they want to and if they work hard enough. I think that rehabs do work. It takes a professional counselor and lots of patience and talking and listening. We are not WHAT we do. I am so glad your WH is doing the work it takes to change. I hope he continues the good work and I think your relationship can continue to improve!!!
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 2:25 PM on Thursday, October 11th, 2018
I've managed hundreds of people over the years.
I think their basic traits are always there.
They may be able to control them. Keep them in check, etc.
To actually change their nature. I've not seen it.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:17 PM on Thursday, October 11th, 2018
I think their basic traits are always there.
They may be able to control them. Keep them in check, etc.
To actually change their nature. I've not seen it.
Hundred of recovering addicts and alcoholics and thieves and murderers etc. people can change if they want to.
They key word being want
My H has changed. Five years later and he is not cheating.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:18 AM, October 11th (Thursday)]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
bradychu ( new member #39978) posted at 8:42 PM on Thursday, October 11th, 2018
I guess I look at this differently than some. On our wedding day, she took a vow to not cheat on me and couldn't picture that ever happening. After cheating, she now says that she could never do it again.
However, now I know that she has that ability within her to cheat, lie to me, keep it hidden, and go about her life. No matter what happens going forward, I will always know she has that ability regardless of what promises she says.
Once a cheater always a cheater, to me, means that I will never be able to look at her the same way in the future. Even if she never does it again, I know she has that ability and will always wonder.
WindowShopping ( member #63051) posted at 11:03 PM on Thursday, October 11th, 2018
I do believe in the ability to change and grow. But I really have continued to have anti-social (anti-marriage) traits inside of me, despite a desire to change and the ability to change my actions. My thoughts and feelings are still anti-social.
I think a cheater can change his or her behavior. But I think the capacity for cheating is always in there. I find myself thinking like a cheater, even if I'm not acting like one.
CrazyHurt (original poster new member #66163) posted at 12:32 AM on Friday, October 12th, 2018
Thinking like a cheater...scary. What does that mean?
BW--all I want is to be "normal"
Working HARD in R
D-Day: 4/18/17
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