SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's good that your husband is being transparent. The money to pay the hooker had to come from somewhere. Did you find where yet? Do you think he may have an account that you don't know about? It's happened before to other people on this site. I am not sure about how to find one but maybe requesting a credit report can tell you. I sincerely hope his actions were a one time thing and works out for you. I am concerned (like several of the other posters) that this isn't his first rodeo -- just the one you found out about. Take care.

Hi undertherug,

Re the financials-I have full access to all of our bank accounts now and credit cards. I can see the transaction where he withdrew the money. I have asked him everything that I can think of and his story, while sordid, is consistent. I allowed an amnesty period a couple of days after I found out and explained to him beforehand the pain and anger associated with trickle truth. I think that he told me everything. He gave me information which further incriminated himself and which I would never have known.

My belief is that he was lonely and feeling sorry for himself, drunk and weak. I think that it was an opportunistic thing.

He doesn't generally travel for work or do boys nights away so he would have very little opportunity to have done this previously and as little as I can trust him now, I doubt that it would have happened if he had been sober.

I am feeling bipolar at the moment-after the initial anger, I felt the need for him to comfort me(hugs). I thought that I was ready to start moving past it. Then this weekend, he was busy working (at home) and wasn't the attentive husband that he's been for the last couple of weeks and I lost it.

I think he's still reeling! I realised as many said here, that I'm not ready to move on yet. I've asked him to move out for a few days to give me some space.

The thing is, I am fairly sure that this was an isolated thing and I also think that he is relatively low risk for reoffending-when he sobered up, he was totally freaked out at the thought of STIs.

My problem is, knowingly all of this and with 20 yrs marriage behind us, a little part of me thinks that yes, he made a mistake but is it worth throwing everything away for?

But a big part of me just can't get over the feeling of betrayal. I would never have done this to him and I am so hurt that he thought so little of me.

In fact, he said that while this episode was ongoing-he didn't think of me at all. He can't explain why, he just said that he didn't.

I don't want to tell any friends because I don't know how they would react to him and if we reconcile, I don't want to have done long term damage. To my knowledge, none of my friends have been through infidelity.

Therefore, I really appreciate everyone here taking the time to give advice. Thanks so much

Your husband was drunk enough to have sex with a hooker but was yet able to think clearly enough to access funds. What was the time frame from the withdrawal until the act? I am really hoping that he has told you everything and plans to clean up his act so he won't do this again.

Your husband must be the unluckiest man alive, if he got caught the VERY FIRST TIME he used a hooker. I know you are desperate to believe him, but you would be shocked by the lengths that cheaters go to in order to cheat. Keep your eyes open.

Undertherug-re the money- he was on a bender with some guys from work and he was hosting a guy from another company so he had withdrawn a large sum of money in the morning.

MHarris-I am aware that I can't trust what he says but I have been able to corroborate some of what he told me through bank records and emails/texts etc. I haven't found a single thing that he has lied about since he came clean. He seems relieved that I know and is making a huge effort. I've asked him to move out for a few days to give me space-he did it.

He's enquired re Skype counselling as we are unable to attend face to face.

He has put all decisions regarding our future in my hands and has contacted our family solicitor to draw up documents to put all assets in my name.

He has done everything that I've asked-as he should. He is apologetic, embarrassed, upset for the hurt that he caused. He is taking full responsibility and has said that this had nothing to do with any issues in our relationship.

He has answered every question that I've asked even when the answer incriminated him further.

He has admitted to being selfish and weak. He is helping me to plan a future that may or may not involve him-I am hoping to move closer to family.

I don't know what else I can ask apart from this not to have happened. (If only I could turn back time!)

I am not forgiving or forgetting but I can't ignore the fact that he is making a huge effort to help me deal with this.

I know that it seems unlikely that he got caught on his first rodeo(as someone said previously) but all I can do is hope that he did and keep my guard up

I sincerely hope that everything works out for you. I am glad he is not blaming you and taking responsibility for his actions. None of this is YOUR fault. I would advise continuing investigating and keeping an eye out Please continue posting. Over 50,000 of your newest friends care what happens.

Under the rug-thank you so much. It is good to get the opinions of people who have been through this. I appreciate it