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JoyH (original poster member #5973) posted at 2:25 AM on Monday, July 30th, 2007
I had so many of these symptoms for a long time, still have a few, but can control them easier over the years.
Unfortunately, many counselors, psychotherapists do not believe that infidelity fits the diagnosis of PTSD. I guess I might have found it hard to believe prior to his happening to me.
I went from an independent woman who never checked up on my H, to being obsessed with his every move, with horrible triggers at times, especially the first year. I figured that my H really must have wanted to be with me, as I was very hard on him. He had it really easy before dday.
It helped me to just realize what was going on, that my reaction was not so uncommon.
Initial dday 11/00.
Me: BS
H: WS,
Difficult road, but Reconciling.
"Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past and instead inviting hope for a better future."
"The Truth Hurts, But It's Best That You Know."
cryingdaily ( member #7276) posted at 3:16 AM on Monday, July 30th, 2007
JoyH (original poster member #5973) posted at 2:22 AM on Sunday, November 4th, 2007
Initial dday 11/00.
Me: BS
H: WS,
Difficult road, but Reconciling.
"Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past and instead inviting hope for a better future."
"The Truth Hurts, But It's Best That You Know."
chipsndip ( member #8605) posted at 2:37 AM on Sunday, November 4th, 2007
thank you to joyh for the bump.
choose thoughtfully, choose courageously, and most importantly...choose from the heart
me: fbs-43
two amazing kids: 16 and 12
oct 2004 and aug 2007
bluebird72 ( member #16711) posted at 2:26 AM on Sunday, November 4th, 2007
This was fascinating!!!!!!
Beautiful ( member #4723) posted at 3:38 AM on Sunday, November 4th, 2007
In that list of 13 symptoms, I have/am experienced/ing 11 of them. My ex left 4 years ago. My D has been final since 2003. It has taken me a very long time to recover. Now I know why.
My best friend, who has been my rock, can't deal with it anymore and has asked me to go talk to my IC again.
I am sooo much better, but it took years.
It took 18 months for me to get to the 'anger stage'. Before that I was in physical and emotional shock.
My brother and I have the same reactions to trauma. We retract and pretend it's not there. I wonder if it's related to the death of my oldest sister. She was 18. I was 9 and my brother was 10 at the time of her death. It was a medical condition and death was sudden..
Another of my sisters deals with death and trauma in a denial way too. I wonder if her trauma (the death of oldest AND another sister - before I was born). My older sister was two. The other sister that died was three (drowned)...
Trauma can do a job on kids.
I am just now able to talk about it to my kids. They were soooo incredibly sad when ws/ex left. It was very painful.
I didn't even know I had a 'bad' marriage. I thought we were happily married and the kids thought so too...
[This message edited by Beautiful at 10:43 PM, November 3rd (Saturday)]
lostsuol ( member #13706) posted at 8:58 AM on Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
napewastewin ( member #15297) posted at 10:28 AM on Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
[This message edited by napewastewin at 4:22 AM, November 9th (Friday)]
take your candle and go light your world
HurtinMan ( member #15695) posted at 1:21 PM on Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
I empathize with a lot of the stuff in the articles and am glad to read the material... thanks!
DDay - 8/2007 BrokenNC -11/07
BH with 2 kids
Committed to R
unicornsearcher ( member #912) posted at 1:50 PM on Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
Excellent stuff & I'm very glad to see it posted. I think many marriages which could have not just survived infidelity but thrived in spite of it, are being mishandled by too many therapists, resulting in divorce.
When Post Infidelity Stress Disorder is misdiagnosed, the results are devastating. The remorseful WS is unable to understand what is really going on & told that the BS will never be able to "forgive & forget" so they should bail. The BS is told to "get over it" (as if they are nurturing the anguish unnecessarily or that they are "codependent" & given books on how to detach when learning to be more appropriately attached is needed instead. This is something that could & should be successfully addressed as a team effort by the spouses & a competent infidelity therapist and/or relationship coach. Marriage should not be a spectator sport & when one partner is suffering, there are constructive helpful ways that can be used to get the individuals & the partnership healthy & happy, but too often that is not what happens, because of misinformation & misunderstanding of the impact / depth of the betrayal trauma, unfortunately.
Not all marriages can be saved (or should be) but a heck of a lot more can be when the right information such as this is used to figure out the best approach to a great marriage for both partners.
Thank you for posting it... 
11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.
bobelina ( member #15312) posted at 9:12 PM on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
Bump cause its kewl info.
BoB 
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
pmlsea ( member #17099) posted at 10:31 PM on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
BS-me 35
WS-him 38-Sorrowfulfriend
M 12/29/94
3 kids (15,10,9)
A 2002
D-day 11/18/07
in limbo
~People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.~
amazedbyitall ( member #17459) posted at 10:58 PM on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
This should go into the library
Me BS 53
Her WW 50
Married 19 years
Together 25yrs-2 girls
She moved out 9/1/07
D day 10/19/07
Filed D & RO 1/17/08
Divorced 3/18/08 No settlement yet
faith5 ( member #17784) posted at 11:12 PM on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
I was just diagnosed last week. Thank you for this insight. Never thought I'd suffer a mental disorder...especially one that my H was responsible for initalizing.
click4it ( member #209) posted at 11:48 PM on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
interesting and glad its recognized.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 12:20 AM on Sunday, January 20th, 2008
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
JoyH (original poster member #5973) posted at 3:11 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2008
Initial dday 11/00.
Me: BS
H: WS,
Difficult road, but Reconciling.
"Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past and instead inviting hope for a better future."
"The Truth Hurts, But It's Best That You Know."
WontDoItAgain ( member #17845) posted at 3:27 AM on Saturday, April 5th, 2008
Post Infidelity Stress Disorder= PISD =pissed
Sorry, just found that funny
Great article, thank you
"Honey, there's no easy answer that will take your pain away. Believe me, if I had one, I'd use it now. I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better. Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship." ~The Shack
tothefuture ( member #18565) posted at 10:15 AM on Sunday, May 4th, 2008
Just read this for the first time tonight - very informative stuff....so I'm doing my first BUMP for anyone else out there that needs to read it!
Me - BS 32
FWS - 33
Highschool sweethearts.
Together 15 years
Living together 10 years
Married 6 years
2 beautiful blond haired blue eyed boys - 4 years and 1 year.
teacher ( member #16770) posted at 10:34 AM on Sunday, May 4th, 2008
Me: BS
Him: WS
DDay 7/14/05
Married since 73
Divorcing
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