SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My 9th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. Bitter sweet feelings to say the least. I’m not really feeling celebratory for obvious reasons … if I’m being honest reflecting at this time last year there was nothing celebratory about it either, as I was heavily contemplating S or D and hated the man my H had become.

My H approached my after his IC session last week and asked what he could do to help me … maybe that was to spend extra time this week talking about feelings, what he can do to make this day special, etc. I kinda just stared at him and grumbled "you’re lucky if I even acknowledge it’s our anniversary … it means nothing to me now … you’ve ruined everything." Sigh. I don’t know if I really feel this way or if I’m just trying to "punish him" and make him feel extra low.

Apart of me was wanting to write him a letter about how much this day meant to me once upon a time and at the moment I’m indifferent to it. Apart of me wants to "let go" a bit and try to enjoy this date because it was REAL and everything about that day/time in our life was REAL.

What did you do on your first wedding anniversary after Dday? Right now it’s just another day on the calendar.

Ohhhhhhh it is me again.. The similarities are endless.

I know we've talked about it before but our anniversary is the 22nd of this month and I finally made a decision.
I told my H I wanted HIM to do something FOR US and I wanted to know nothing about it, I told him that although I will not "celebrate" our A I want him to show me how much this M means to him and I want him to prioritize us that day no matter what my feelings may be, I warned him of my mood swings, tears, all of that, no one can predict how we will act and our husbands need to be prepared for any feelings that may flood out of us that day. My H agreed and actually called me today and told me not to make any plans that we are booked solid that day so we shall see what he has planned.

I am learning SLOWLY not to force any feelings or predict how I will feel, unfortunately we have to go with the flow and if we have to step away or end the day early then it is what it is, if we are happy that day and we forget about the A then great but I would say try not to force anything. It will be a hard day for us no matter how much effort our husbands put into the planning or no matter how remorseful they are, they ruined the vows they made to us, nothing right now or in the future can take that back.
I think your H will support you no matter how you feel and I think you need to let yourself feel all the feels and he will have to keep up.

I don't know if your in the same part of the grieving process as me right now , considering it changes day to day but now I am just sad, the anger is gone, the hysterical bonding is pretty much over and now I am looking at the ashes of our marriage, most days I go to bed around 7pm just to avoid being around him, we used to bond a lot the last 4 months and now I am not really a fan of his at all. He follows me to bed and tells me he loves me and he misses me and I tell him that I just don't see him the same anymore or better yet, I am seeing him for what I should have seen for 10 years, I feel played, I feel like happiness was stolen from me.

If it makes you feel any better, I tell my H all the time our marriage means nothing anymore to me either...

Dday on the other hand I already told my H I want the day to myself and I won't be home that day, that day would be safer for him to not be around me.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Hugs!

What a coincidence. My D-Day was April 4th and our anniversary is at the end of this month. My wife said it's important to her that we celebrate it. "21 years or trials and tribulations" she says.

I have no desire. It's possible that she was already communicating with him when our last anniversary happened as she says she doesn't know when they started texting. I don't believe her.

It came up in conversation last night and apparently my words left her feeling hurt and angry. I'm guessing we're going to continue the conversation tonight and I'm simply going to express my feelings

If we're together next year I may feel differently

I had actually booked a little holiday for us on our first wedding anniversary for us to try to reconnect and work on R.

But if you look back over some of my posts that was a mistake. I woke up on the day and friends had messages me ‘Happy Anniversary, have a great trip’. It made me sick 🤢. I absolutely did not want to celebrate.

But the wonderful people here told me to just go on the trip and enjoy the holiday without the pressure of celebrating the anniversary. It was exactly what I did. I treated that day the same as the rest of the days on the trip and made no big deal of it. I had already told WH do not bother with a present so that awkwardness was not there. And I got through it fine!!!

I now call my wedding anniversary day ‘happy we aren’t divorced day’. I can see it still hurts him but I honestly don’t care. Maybe with time I’ll celebrate it again but I can’t see that happening for years. Just another consequence of his shitty choices.

Groot

I’m so glad you’re here! There are a few of us "newbies" that seem to be walking down a very similar path. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times more, it’s "comforting" knowing I’m not alone and my feelings are completely normal and validated. This seriously gives me some feeling of "normalcy" as I navigate and process things as I go.

I think that your plans for your Anniversary sound wonderful, plans have been placed by your H as per your request and with no promises in place, but a complete "go with it" as you see fit. No expectations is the way to go. I told my H I wanted to do nothing - I’ll probably get more of a "thrill" making him feel like the trash he was entertaining this time last year. I seriously have been on this kick of "oh, you want to do something special, what were you doing a year ago today!" 🙄 Anyways … tonight we had some shit go down (stay tuned for a potential separate rant post) so it honestly has put me in a further "mood". Regardless, I know he will try to the best of his ability to make it as less shitty as it already will be. Guess that’s what I’m striving for … to have a less shitty day then today.

Yes! Pretty spot on. HB has gone and intimacy has been an issue for me lately, I wavier between anger and sadness … but I am mostly sad and it’s really hit me lately that this is MY life (I’m still waiting for someone to pinch me, to wake me up from this nightmare), and I have been avoiding him in the evenings as well. The past probably 2ish months I’ve started doing my own thing in the evenings again … I just don’t want to spend anymore time with him than I have too and I’ve been really enjoying just being by myself.

Your Dday plans sound amazing! I have actually booked a hotel (by myself) and will be spending my time doing whatever it is I want to do that day! Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to it.

Thank you again for the kind words and support. It means so much ❤️

WB1430

I’m sorry your experiencing this as well. WS really don’t get it or understand just how much their infidelity affects EVERYTHING. My H seems to think there is so much to celebrate … it’s hard to actually entertain him when he speaks like that (I end up shaking my head, walking away and grumbling under my breath).

If you ended up continuing your conversation tonight, I hope it went well and you gained some clarity from it.

Webbit

Thank you Webbit, I think I remember your post about your anniversary plans sometime this past spring. I’m so glad the day ended up working out for you and the advice to just go and enjoy the trip with no said expectations is some solid advice - it sounds you did exactly that.

My hope is that all of us "newbies" here trying to R will be able to "celebrate" special days like this again … one day ❤️