SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi, D day for me was 10/06 and I have been really struggling with PTSD and I start IC next week. We are still in the recovery phase but I am thinking that reconciliation is on the table, H is doing his work so far.
Long story short, I went to get a tattoo last night (ya know self care). I originally thought the place was on a certain side of town (the road stretches between two cities) and then realized once I got closer it was in the same area my H had his affair. I immediately started having panic attacks and almost backed out because I couldn't think rationally at that point. I made sure that once he told me the area and one place they went i told him I didn't want to know anymore things that would tie my mind to a place because it is too damaging. I had to pull over because I felt like the air was knocked from my lungs and it was like D day all over again.

But how the hell do I avoid an entire city? He avoids it too at all costs because he knows it is triggering for us both, it isn't entirely hard to do given it is a good half hour away from our home , although one of my favorite places to eat is on that same road (so that is out for a long time). He also has a new job that may take him to that area for work, I can't just have him say no, although hes offered, he has already said no to long distance jobs that take him away for several days due to my trust issues.
When I got home I cried for hours, it was like the ground was pulled up from underneath me again and all the work my H had done the past few weeks/months meant nothing to me, once again he was a stranger who had robbed me. He had his IC earlier in the day and he was working on some of his exercises and he was already emotionally exhausted since it was his first session and I just couldn't function. I mean I have the normal triggers, her name, movies with infidelity etc, but this , this was very traumatizing even being close to the area. What are some best practices for this? How long do triggers like this normally last? I have to go up to that same area in a few weeks to get the tattoo touched up and I am hoping since I won't be blindsided regarding the area it may be better...

It’s crap, I remember the ptsd hijacking me locationally also. I’ll send you a PM with the specifics of how I reclaimed the space for myself.

In the meantime, another idea might be for you and WH to reclaim it by visiting it together several time and to make new positive associations and memories of the place as a couple. The physical reaction is your nervous system trying to keep you safe, but if you try to avoid the area, your nervous system feels that confirms it’s not safe, whereas you could do something enjoyable there with your WH that teaches your nervous system that it doesn’t need to send in the emergency troops of adrenaline and cortisol in to help you fight or flee, freeze etc. It (your nervous system) may not calm down immediately but if you can do brief exposure therapy in this way, reclaiming the territory as yours, it helps empower you so you feel less victim to previous circumstances that were beyond your control and now which you can overwrite by taking your agency back. You can help the process by using breathing v a x other exercises to engage the calming parasympathetic nervous system and thereby counter the adrenaline response of the sympathetic nervous system. I suggest you find an enjoyable flow activity there that is absorbing, thereby allowing you to focus on it and not the mind movies of association. If the flashbacks hit, you could try rewind methods of working with the movie and directing it as a reframe.

Thank you Edie, I think that is a great idea to reclaim territory and I think that will be something that I move forward with after I start my IC. I don't want to be a victim anymore but I am definitely stuck in that cycle... it isn't a good look.
I brought that idea up to my H and he said it was a good idea and he would be willing to make good memories near the area maybe in the summer, as I don't think I will be ready anytime soon.
I never realized how much infidelity can affect your brain... I was so in control before this and now I feel like a fish out of water. Thank you for the advice!

Oh yeah, don’t rush it.