SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well this story dates back to 2 years ago, i had a gutted feeling to check on my husband's call log records and sure enough i found phone calls between him and a supposed mutual "friend". I was immediately upset as the phone calls were all in random times and over 30 mins long which did not seem appropriate to me as we were not very close to this woman.

I confronted them both and he denied it was anything other than innocent conversations - She repeatedly apologized for how wrong it looked and that she would never see my husband in that way.

I chose to believe them and my husband told me he would never communicate with her again.

Well a few months ago husband and i started having more issues in our marriage as i feel he would randomly choose anything to make a fight about it and would say how maybe we werent working out. I then one day grew tired of these conversations and his insensitivness and i got divorce papers and asked him for a divorce, this of course infuriated him and he said that he was not going to go through with it and that we couldnt just make that choice and put our 2 kids thru that. So we worked it out.

2 months later i found out i was pregnant with our 3rd child. We both were not expecting it and had conversations about not having anymore children. So it was tough on us both,but then he started drifting off more and I of course had terrible morning/ all day sickness and nausea and was basically bedridden. He took on more work hours to help our finances which i appreciated. But in this he grew distant and would stay up late and rarely talk much or have good days with me and other days he was weird. I thought it was perhaps the pregnancy.

Fast forward one night he wanted to go out with his friends and he had already been going out much that week and the weeks before so i commented how he was going out alot, he seemed a bit upset and came home from work and then decided to take the kids with him to dinner at a friends house. I agreed. So as i stayed home i had an uncomfortable feeling and decided to check his laptop.I go into his emails and come to find a instagram email for a profile i did not know about..i log in and sure enough see messages from him and that former woman and he was inviting her over to his friends! The house he had taken my children too! i call her no answer i call him the same so i text them both screenshots of their messages and call her a homewrecker.

I went thru the messages and read they had sex and were in LOVE and it seemed like he was planning on leaving me soon after our baby was born to go on and be with her... I also saw he was having unprotect sex with her and telling her he wasn't kissing or sleeping with me when he was!!!

I left home for 2 weeks and he constantly begged me to come home and forgive him that she meant nothing and it was all a mistake. He says he never planned to leave me for her that it was all words.. but im so hurt we have been married for 12 years!! how could he lie to me and this girl is 12 years younger than him!!! like he's 40! she really thought they were gunna run away and start a new life together?!! she is in her twenties! we started counseling asap! and are hoping to work thru this but i have days that those messages i read - (which he decided to delete and says he was embarrased at his behavior and he didnt want me to see that) they are so hard for me to forget and i wonder why he really wants me and not her...if he was so in love with her. He says it was all a distraction and childish and he tried to cut it off but he felt she would want to blackmail him and confess everything to me or someone and he didnt want me to find out that way.

I have a real hard time finding closure and i feel eventually she will try to find him or reach out to him even tho he changed his number.Well this is my story..

He says he never planned to leave me for her that it was all words..

Two years of words, sex, and plans to abandon you with a new baby. His actions made it clear that she did mean something to him. It's his words to you that were and are empty of meaning.

At this point , you need to focus on getting the life you deserve, with or without your cheating husband. It's actually too soon for marriage counseling, you need a counselor for yourself to help you as you decide what kind of marriage you want. You also need a lawyer to protect yourself from this point forward. Then take his phone to a recovery expert to dump all the messages. Also, expose him not just to the families on both sides. And he has to distance himself from all the friends who helped him coverup his affair.

Stop focusing on him and the marriage, your mission right now should be you, your child and the new baby. Tell him to get a counselor of his own and come back with something more meaningful that "it was a mistake"

[This message edited by NotInMyLife at 3:43 PM, December 9th (Monday)]

Your husband is a lying degenerate and you should divorce him.

Unfortunately it is not that easy because you have a young family and a baby on the way.

DO NOT GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING!!

Marriage counseling is for marriage problems. The marriage isn't the issue here. The issue here is your husband's desire to have a wife and family while fucking other women.

Some people will advise you to make your husband seek counseling as a condition of reconciliation.

I disagree. I believe someone who lies and decieves as your husband has cannot benefit from counseling unless they seek it out on their own, I'd their own volition, and without outside pressure.

The reason is the liar will just lie to preserve what they want in their life. A counselor will not magically make this person honest and remorseful.

That's all very depressing, I'm sorry about that.

But this leaves you with the question: what are you willing to accept in your life? Are you willing to cohabitate and raise your children with a liar who will betray his vows so profoundly?

Lots of times around here we focus on investigating to find out the information the betrayed spouse needs to make a decision.

In this case you know what you need to know.

So it comes down to your decision. What will it be? You don't have to decide that now and frankly, you are with child and that is most important.

Read here, take your time and try to figure out what you need in your life.

***

Oh, and is this homewrecker skank has a husband or boyfriend, alert him, and if she works with your husband, expose her at work!

Hoping4thebest - good luck to you.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 4:16 PM, December 9th (Monday)]

@notinmylife :

Thanks for your reply, never thought of taking the phone in for data recovery, Would they be able to get me imessages?

I did expose him to our friends and family because i knew then if i didnt nothing would ever change. Sorry correction we are NOT in marriage Counseling we are in individual Counseling- I am still working with my therapist on getting more and more info that he is finally now deciding to share.

Hi hoping4,

Well the shitty club sorry you are here.

Please get tested for STDs/STIs as they were banging each other.

Please look after yourself. If you need to vent at him, then vent. If you need space, tell him to go for a few days.

Have you told WW husband, he has the right to know. Don’t tell WS, just tell him.

Please eat well and drink plenty of water.

Take care

Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 11:16 PM, December 9th (Monday)]

Yes, you can recover iMessages and a lot more, deleted photos, videos, cheater app messages, etc.

Fonelab is a good software to use for recovery.

Do not let your husband know you can recover deleted information or he may wipe the phone.

He’s a liar. He contradicts himself. He invites the OW to a friend’s house he went to with his children but is afraid of her blackmailing him? That’s a lie.

It was “ just words” he was telling her about their future together? That’s a lie.

My H told me numerous times he wanted a D. Not for any reason but “he didn’t want to be married anymore”. ROFLMAO. He planned to be with the OW.

He claims he did not really mean it but was confused and he was trying to end it without me finding out. Except I did find out on dday2.

Point is that your H is not being honest with you. iMO most marriages that end are often not due to the affair but due to the behavior of the cheater after the affair is exposed.

We have reconciled and we are happy. But it took much convincing and hard work to reconcile. Thankfully my H has changed and is not the cheating jerk he was six years ago.

One question - he was telling her that you two were not having sex, yet he was going to leave when the baby was born??? How did you get preggers if you were not having sex? Did I read that correctly? She knew he was still involved with you - I'd make sure she knew it was his kid.

Pull all your financials - that will show you if he has wasted marital funds on the AP.

Be prepared for there to be more information coming out - TT is a bitch.

Make him go to the dr with you and get STD checked. Even if you had them again make sure that they know why. Make him squirm.

Go see a lawyer - you don't have to file but it is a way of gaining power - you will find out what you are entitled to...knowledge is power.

Is the AP Married? Tell her partner.

Tell everyone what is going on, family & friends. You need a support group. Plus it shines light on his affair and affairs tend to stop when the fantasy is taken away. Like cockroaches when light shines on them.

If you are going to reconcile, 100% transparency, NC to the AP and he needs to drop the friends that enabled the A.

If they worked together one has to leave.

Take care of yourself first...

@Buffer

Thank you!We have both been tested i would not risk that in anyway.

It def is hard to keep in mind that with my pregnancy i need to take the best care of myself. Thankfully our communication about the affair has been good in allowing me to share how i feel and when i need moments for myself.

I wish that bitch had a partner but she's single. But i made sure her family knew she was a homewrecker, she still lives with her parents! i left a VM on their home machine!!! LOL!!!

@MamaDragon

Yes apparently he had told her that we had marital issues and then yes i got pregnant and somehow she still believe it was a mistake i got pregnant but she was quite the persistent one saying she would wait until after our baby was born or at a age that he could leave.

things seemed to get more serious with them before DDay and thats when he told her we werent even sleeping together anymore or anything ( which was a lie)

He never spend anything on her but a record he gifted her.. she wasnt even worth a hotel room thats how pathetic she is....