SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

kat0903 posted 8/3/2020 14:11 PM

Slight backstory - we’ve been together for 10 years, have 2 kids, been engaged for 2 years & finally got married in June.

My D-Day ....our one month wedding anniversary. Yay me, right? He fell asleep getting our older daughter to sleep..I tried to wake him up, but he sleeps like a damn rock. So I took his phone to put his alarm for work. And then I see tinder. I felt the heat rising and started shaking. I almost confronted him there, but decided I needed to see what was going on so he couldn’t delete anything and make me feel crazy. He was speaking with 3 women on there, one super extensively to the point where he was planning a date with her after work. Hindsight - I should have taken screenshots. But anyways.

I confronted him. I was pissed. Kicked him out of our room. He was like a sad puppy crying yadda yadda. Apologetic and asked for my forgiveness for us to go to counseling. He’d do “anything” to save our family. I told him I can’t make any decisions, but I need to know if there’s anything else I need to know. Anything else that had happened. He kept saying there was nothing. Assured me there was nothing. But I felt like he was lying.

So..I’m not proud of this, but it turned out for the best...I took his phone and looked through his texts. Earlier this year he was away for training for his job for a few months. I saw texts between he and some woman he used to work with that were extremely explicit, ending with him asking her to fly to see him for a weekend. I confronted him about this and he told me everything. Then confessed that he met someone while he was there as well...they sexted on Snapchat (but didn’t send pictures supposedly 🙄 but never did anything physical according to him. According to him , that was it. There was nothing else.

Until yesterday I find out that he had been lying for the past 4 months about getting out of work late..that he had been stopping at his friends apartment for drinks before coming home.

I’m at the point where I literally don’t even believe his name is actually his name. I’m disgusted by him and his lack of respect for me and our relationship. I know he has to be lying to me about more, even though he claims that I now know everything. It’s all just BS.

I feel like I’m going crazy. Sometimes I feel sad..sometimes I’m enraged. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about what I’m feeling. It just. It’s all too much

Blindsided2425 posted 8/3/2020 14:15 PM

Once the trust is gone, it’s gone. You cannot believe anything he says. Maybe try counselling and get him to come clean, then decide.

SlapNutsABingo posted 8/3/2020 14:29 PM

Kat,

So very very sorry...wishing you everything.

where he was planning a date with her after work.

...rectify this in your head. Wanting to meet with her is the same as meeting with her.

Bor9455 posted 8/3/2020 14:39 PM

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:17 PM, August 6th (Thursday)]

Seneca posted 8/8/2020 14:08 PM

I am so sorry for you. This is a devastating time for you. This is beyond betrayal in some ways, it seems to me. You said you can't even believe his name is his name...which says to me that his entire personna, everything you thought you knew of him is now blown to bits.

It's going to be very hard to come back from being blown to bits.

When we are emotionally distraught and in great pain, our thinking is tainted and untrustworthy. Beware big decisions right now. I'm not saying "do nothing" but am saying to be aware of how much torque is on your perceptions. When you can regain your emotional equilibrium and calmly assess your situation, any decisions or actions you take are likely to turn out much better.

So, take care of YOURSELF right now with gentleness and love and seek support where you can. This website is a good start.

You may feel very alone but you are not. So many here share your pain and understand. We offer you understanding and support.

You are not alone in this.

The1stWife posted 8/9/2020 14:01 PM

Wow - only married one month and you find this out?

I’m so sorry for your pain. You deserve better.

I strongly recommend you see an Attorney. You have a child to think about. If you separate you need child support and a visitation schedule at a minimum. Plus alimony and support for you.

If you don’t separate then you need to set boundaries and demand he gets professional counseling.

If he refuses the counseling for any reason that is a 🚩.

It means or shows he’s not as invested in your marriage as you are. It means he’s lazy. It means he’s not willing to do anything to change himself.

And that means there is a strong likelihood he will cheat again. And again. And again.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 8/10/2020 17:22 PM

Together 10 years and 2 kids? What made you decide to finally marry? I suspect this has been going on for some time.