My situation is a bit different to most on here and luckily I was never with my now ex for very long.
He really came on strong when we first got together. Flowers, love letters, poems, promising me the world, telling me how in love he was, that he even thought about us getting married. And like a hopeless romantic idiot I fell for it all.
At the start of June he started growing distant, it was like once he knew for sure he had me he didn’t want me anymore and he wouldn’t commit to any plans, would hardly show any affection etc. I knew something was up, there was a lot of suspicious behaviour. I think there were up to two other women and he was also browsing a sex hook up site but I will only discuss one of the women here as she’s the one I know he’s still ‘with’. I always has a bad feeling about her in my gut. I noticed he liked every pic she posted on social media and seemed to have known her for a short time before meeting me. When he started growing distant he met up with her claiming she was only a friend, when I expressed my concerns he made out like I was being out of order for not letting him have female friends and trying to demand control of his social calendar. The day he met her I messaged him at 7pm and didn’t get a response until the next morning. This is a guy who used to send me 100s of messages non stop every day so I was immediately worried. When I confronted him the following day he swore on his mother’s life she was just a friend and that he’d just gone to bed early that night. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt although all of his other behaviour was making me feel terrible anyway and I knew I had to end it.
I kept giving him chances but the final nail in the coffin was his landlords making a remark about him having girls round. He said the last girl that had been to his flat was his work colleague and it was before we were together but I knew it didn’t add up so I ended it.
Fast forward a few weeks and I look on the girl’s social media today and there’s a selfie of her posted last night sat in his lounge in the sweater he used to lend to me after we’d had sex. So that kind of confirms to me he’s been seeing us both. I may even technically be the OW as he knew her first.
I don’t know what to do. I know this guy is a completely vile, compulsive liar. I don’t want him back but I’m so angry and I don’t want to let him get away with what he did to me. I’ve been cheated on so many times in the past (I probably should really take a long hard look at my choice in partners) and I feel like there’s no justice and so I want to ruin things for him and message her. My instinct is she has no idea about me. But at the same time I’m worried it will just make me feel worse, revenge doesn’t always go the way we planned and I have no doubt I’ll just end up looking like the psycho ex who’s trying to split them up. Despite all the evidence I have that we were an item, I’m sure he’ll be able to convince her to just ignore me. So am I better off just leaving him to it in the knowledge he’s incapable of having a proper loving relationship so no doubt will mess up this one too?
[This message edited by CEM99 at 9:41 AM, July 28th (Tuesday)]