This is long and I apologize for that but I need to get it out.
My husband of 31 years decided New Year’s Eve to confess to an affair he had 15 year ago with a coworker. He had been drinking and decided to come clean (His conscience is clean, he says
).He’s ruined that holiday forever!!
Anyway, Back when this all happened we had 3 young kids 5 and under and I was a stay at home mom. She worked with him and was a bit younger.
I knew something was up. My spidey senses were working overtime. I got nosy and looked on his phone (flip phone at the time) and noticed he was calling her a lot and she was calling him. I finally intercepted a couple of voicemails (yes, I was snooping, but don’t care). They were very personal and not work related at all. Nothing sex related, at least the ones I heard but very, VERY friendly. So, I lied to him and said a “her name” called and he said he didn’t know any one by that name. I knew something was up. I continued to check his calls and noticed he was calling her every Saturday when be said he was going to the grocery store or some errand.
So I confronted him. I told him I knew he was calling her and wanted to know why. He denied ( they always do!) and said the were just friends. I said why doesn’t she call the house? Why haven’t we had her and her husband over? He finally admitted their relationship was probably inappropriate and he would back off. Well, of course they didn’t. In fact, I now know it ramped up and that’s when he started screwing her. In hotels and at their work place.
Well, during their year long affair she got pregnant. I didn’t know at the time if they were sleeping together but I do know they were doing other things. She had the baby and I confessed in a friend who worked with them I thought something was going on. I ask this friend if the baby looked like my husband and she said he looked just like his daddy.
Well, this is where it gets really hard for me. When the baby was 10 months old, he died. I felt terrible because I could never wish that on a mother. My husband was very upset, went to the the funeral without me and then several months later continued to screw her. Screwed her in hotels, their offices and in their cars. I found all this out over the past couple of months, as I have asked questions (which I shouldn’t).
So here’s my dilemma. The night he told me, he got very angry at my reaction, went downstairs and got very drunk and texted her after 14 years. Asked to meet up with her the following week. She was surprised to hear from him. I saw the text because he showed me the next day (remember...guilty conscience). She of course said,YES, when and where? He said anytime you want. When I saw the text, I told him he needed to text her back and tell her I know and doesn’t want anymore contact with her and then he needed to block her. It was 7am in the morning and he said no we wasn’t going to do that because she was with her family. I was pissed! And told him he was protecting her. He left for work. But did eventually text her and this is what he said (he screened shot it and sent it to me). His words, verbatim were,”My apologies. I don’t think we should meet. Hope your family is doing well. Take care”. Nothing I asked him to do.
She started searching him and found him on LinkedIn. I blocked her. I thought she was pretty blocked on everything. My husband does not do social media. But I did find out that even though her number is blocked she can still iMessage him. Verizon doesn’t block iMessages.
Okay, one more thing. He lives in a different city. The one she lives in. I will be moving there when our youngest son graduates this year. I don’t trust him and I certainly don’t trust her to not contact him, especially since he reached out to her first.
I’m sick. Can’t eat. I’m already small and lost 10 pounds and weigh 104 pounds. My work is suffering. He doesn’t want to separate or divorce. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I’m in counseling but he won’t go.
Everyday is a challenge. I’m on anti anxiety meds but can’t sleep or stop thinking about what they did for over a year. It’s killing me. There is more to this story but I think it’s long enough.Ugh! I hate my life right now!!!