Shano9 posted 10/1/2019 22:43 PM

I relapsed. Got caught, and I have been served with divorce papers. I’m getting ready to lose everything I have built over the past 13 years. I’m losing my home, husband, and my family. My babies are 7 and 9, and I’m never going to be able to see them. I have severe depression and anxiety, and I’m scared to death. I can’t get any lower than this. This is my rock bottom.

Iamtrash posted 10/2/2019 06:57 AM

One of the biggest things I have learned as a wayward is that it is not possible to love two people at once. While you are giving attention to your AP, you are NOT loving your BS. You are NOT safe for them, your family, or even yourself.

You were given the gift of reconciliation. Relapse is making the choice to throw that gift away. Unfortunately, you must face the consequences of that. Use this time to heal yourself and figure out why you keep doing this. At this point, you’ve betrayed him again and he has no reason to give you another chance. You still need to fix yourself. You need to be better so that you can be a decent parent and a better example for your kids. You need to be able to coparent. You need to be able to allow your BH to move forward and heal.

Please continue to work on yourself, even if divorce is eminent. Seek out IC. Take care of yourself. You and BH will have to interact the rest of your lives. You can still learn to be safe for him, even if you aren’t together.

BraveSirRobin posted 10/4/2019 08:34 AM

Hi again Shano,

I'm so sorry to hear it.

Why do you think you won't be able to see your children? Is there something else going on in addition to your adultery? In most states, cheating doesn't have an impact on custody arrangements.

hikingout posted 10/4/2019 08:47 AM

okay Breathe. Slow down.

I think you might be piling on right now. You will likely be able to have access to your kids unless there was some crime that occurred or you put them in physical jeopardy.

Can you give us a little more information? So, you cheated again. Is this the second time? When was your DDAYS? Do you know why you have been cheating?

You. can. do. this. I know that right now the world looks very dark. Please, if you have any suicidal thoughts or are spiraling, please get in contact with immediate help. This is overwhelming right now but it doesn't all have to be fixed right this minute. You need to do the next thing, and the next thing, and keep taking steps. Keep talking we are here.