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Long Term Affair recovery help

dancin-gal posted 6/17/2019 19:20 PM

My WS had a LTA .. 6 yr EA that turned into a PA . For another 10 years with the same Ow that he had a yr long Very E and PA that I discovered .. first 17 years ago .. then the EA started about a year later the A was a long distance A with lots of phone calls texting daily in the last 10 years .. they only saw each other maybe 5 to 10 days a year .discovered the A again in April 2019 . so my question to those that have or are working on reconciliation.. how did you handle all the emotional stuff .. my WS is doing all the right things .. being totally transparent, answers all my questions , he says he is a changed man .. older realizes all the pain he has caused .. working with iC to discover why he has cheated for most of our marriage .. we spent years with IC and MC .. and cheating stopped except with Ow .. he learned communicating skills that he didnít put to use with me but did with Ow .. but wants to stay with me .. tells me he loves me has always loved me .. I just donít trust .. but do see changes .. please share your experience..

Thanksgiving2016 posted 6/17/2019 21:27 PM

I don't know what to say. I'm sick for you.(((dancinggal))) Apparently he's been lying to both mc and ic this whole time too. He makes me sick. Only you can decide your situation sounds like mine but we never did counseling. I just feel he is a special kind of disgusting to pull this off while in counseling. Detach. 180 his ass. what about the AP? Why does he say he chooses you? I'm thinking she's married broke or both. How did you address it 17 years ago? Why do you think he is NC or is he? I will admit your story scares the hell out of me. One last edit. I read your story, I would dump his ass. He seems to choose you because he knows he has no consequences.

[This message edited by Thanksgiving2016 at 9:33 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

dancin-gal posted 6/17/2019 21:53 PM

I donít think he is in contact with AP.. had lawyer sender her a letter ..as for me I promised a year .. at 74 it is reasonable.. WSís IC is a task master .. I really like her think she will help him .. our old MC and I both were gaslighted by his behavior.. my IC thinks a year is reasonable .. give the IC time to work .. I know there are changes .. more than 17 yrs ago .. it is just so scary..
he does have consequences .. if I leave there will be a lawful paper that ifWS returns to AP .. she gets nothing of his estate if they marry a pre-nuptial will mandatory.. my children will not accept her into their lives .. he loses a lot .. he has made an apt with a lawyer for our new wills and also an agreement if I leave I get a certain percentage of our money .. and we are also meeting with the pastor at our Church .. so some spiritual counseling is going to happen too

[This message edited by dancin-gal at 10:15 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

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