SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 00:54 AM

[This message edited by Sammie1720 at 12:28 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 01:02 AM

You're normal. Probably in a state of shock from what you've just posted.

If you want help or just to vent you've come to the right place.

It would be good to post your story as many here have went through this and can give you great advice, opinions, etc.

Sorry for why you're here in this place no one ever wanted to be in.

Marz posted 6/5/2019 01:11 AM

We all feel stupid at times. That's part of life.

You just need sone help, maybe a different perspective.

It may not seem like it now but you will pull through this.

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 01:15 AM

[This message edited by Sammie1720 at 12:44 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 01:27 AM

From what you've posted it sounds like you're in the right spot.

You've went through a major event/change. With that always causes a lot of anxiety under normal circumstances.

The good thing is you're amongst others who have been where you are right now so it's the perfect time for you to pick up and learn useful information on how to cope.

The more knowledge you gather and apply the better off you'll be.

It's good you reached out.

LuvsMeLuvsMeNot posted 6/5/2019 01:27 AM

So sorry you have had to join our group but so happy you have found us!

You truly have been traumatized as we all have here on SI but this site has truly been a Godsend for me as I approach my 5th Anniversary of joining SI.

We welcome you with open arms and are here for you Sammie1720!!

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 01:40 AM

I took a moment and looked over layout of the way things are posted and I think I get it if I’m wrong would someone please correct me, I’m going to make. A new post and if I’m wrong in what way I’m doing things please tell me,as I do want to explain further I just have lack of confidence in telling, I can’t and don’t trust anyone around me otherwise I would not be in here looking for support from people that I don’t no,I am so grateful at present for any help showed to me,I just find it so hard to say and exspress it all, but I also appreciate so much you replying, could someone tell me do I start a new chat subject? Or continue on from here with this one?is there s beginners group? Or am I ok in here.

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 01:43 AM

Thank you Marx and thank you luvsluvsmeknot, I’m sure I will catch on to all abbreviations,

Marz posted 6/5/2019 01:58 AM

If you keep it to one thread you'll get more in depth responses because readers can see your whole story together versus spread over different threads.

You're anonymous here so fire away.

When you internalize too much it causes even more problems and anxiety. Plus you can't get help if no one knows what you've went through or are facing.

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 02:02 AM

[This message edited by Sammie1720 at 12:32 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 02:08 AM

[This message edited by Sammie1720 at 12:45 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:17 AM

Im sorry to hear about your brother.

I have never took my husband back,he has lied about still being with her,I am under no false impressions about him,I then now have found history on my computer off his secret sex life with prostitutes as far back as 2011, not only did he cheat but he has lead a,double life behind my back,

You did yourself a big favor. He's a serial cheater. Many stay in these situations too long and just keep getting the same behavior over and over.

Losing a marriage is often like losing a close family member. You lost both at one time. Very traumatic.

Going complete no contact with your X will help you heal faster and bring much needed clarity faster.

You did nothing to cause your X to cheat. That was all on him. He made a very conscious and well planned decision to cheat because thats what he is. Never a need to look back because there's nothing there.

[This message edited by Marz at 2:31 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:22 AM

I have cut all my ties with my friends,I can’t face anyone,I feel if he can do this to me right under my nose,who can I turn to

Cutting off people who knew is a good thing. However, if you had good friends who didn't know they could be tremendous support for you when you need it most.

I would not be embarrassed because your X is a lowlife. That's nothing on you nor does it define you. I get you got betrayed but that's on him not you. We see this here all the time and I guarantee you its baseless.

What about your family? You need them now to get through this.

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:25 AM

And now the girlfriend he’s been denying being with has came to reality only because she’s 5 months pregnant,my life sounds like something that should be on a tv show, I no not the funniest times for humour,but I don’t no what other way to look at it,I no not funny, just emotions putting thusly in writing

Again, this has nothing to do with you. It's not who you are and it doesn't define you.

Let this be their problem.

You dumped him quick. I have to tell you that's huge. You can and will make a quick decision. I'm very impressed with your resolve. Wow!!!!

Sammie1720 posted 6/5/2019 02:32 AM

I wasn’t expecting a reply back Marx so first off all,thank you very much for acknowledgment,and second I thank you kindly for the acknowledgement for my brother,I’m crying ! It was,has been a very traumatic year,like I said I don’t go crying to family,I hate anyone seeing this side of me, so as I said I gave the quick version of my history,I don’t want to come across as someone who comes on here and looks sympathy,I’m a good,listener also,it did take extreme measures for me to turn to a forum tho,so I can’t thank you enough for listening,in a time of need,how long have you been on this forum if that is ok for me to ask,if that’s personal I understand I’m just being kind asking so my own problems isn’t what it’s all about,

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:38 AM

I wasn’t expecting a reply back Marx so first off all,thank you very much for acknowledgment,and second I thank you kindly for the acknowledgement for my brother,I’m crying

You are here for a reason. Any knowledge, options, opinions or advice is the purpose of this forum. It's sounds like you need an outlet as much if not more than most.

Crying, grieving is a good thing. Don't hold that in it just festers and poisons you. It's normal and helpful.

Try and not internalize things. I can tell you most are sympathetic and will probably view yourself a lot different than you think and in a good positive way.

[This message edited by Marz at 2:46 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:44 AM

My brother died 3 years ago on Valentine's Day.

There's a term "closer than brothers". That's how I would define us. We spoke at least once a day but more often twice. He was my big brother. Growing up we did everything together. I could always count on him for anything. No matter what.

So I know what you're going through.

Mourn your loss and remember the good times.

It will pass even though right now it's still raw. You'll still miss him but life does go on.

It will be the same for your X.

It's a process that you go through. You will get there but it does take time.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:40 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 02:52 AM

There are bad people in this world. Some like your X hide it well.

You are probably honest, trusting and a good upstanding person. You didn't know deep down who your X was because that's not who you are. That doesn't mean your stupid. You may have trusted too much but how where you to know? We can all look back but that's 20/20 hindsight.

Many have been blindsided just like you. It happens and it isn't a reflection on you or them.

Marz posted 6/5/2019 03:01 AM

The loss of your brother to me is the worst thing. Stay close to your family. You all need each other at this time. It does take awhile to get through the grieving. It'll always be with you but will dissipate over time.

I look back and don't think about my brothers death as much as I did upfront but I do remember all the good times we had. It's a loss that can never be replaced but you fill it in somewhat with all the good memories.

I hope this helps.

As for your X. It's a loss but he's not worth much and with no contact he will fade/dissipate faster now that you realize who/what he is. There are better out there. You'll see.

Sorry you're going through this but with time you're gonna be good. Bank on that

[This message edited by Marz at 3:08 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 6/5/2019 03:07 AM

how long have you been on this forum if that is ok for me to ask,if that’s personal I understand I’m just being kind asking so my own problems isn’t what it’s all about,

A couple years.

Your problems are why you're here. Don't discount them.

You've had a tough and trying year. You need all the help you can get.

No one should go through times like this alone.