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I am back so are all of the emotions

kW33Nfool posted 5/9/2019 19:58 PM

I left him. Independence day weekend of 2016.
This past weekend I find out he has a new GF and moved in with her. Oh and it's on the weekend he has DS. The both of them have been getting free rent space in my head since Sunday.
All my emotions are back. I narrowed it down to the fact that WH should not be happy. I don't want him happy. He doesn't DESERVE to be happy. I'm still broken and damaged from everything he inflicted on me. I have never regretted my decision to pack up the kids and leave. So WHY am I a wreck again? Why when I have been conditioned by him to accept that he is a narcissistic whore? That this woman is probably on the long list of victims he has been with since I left. Why does this simple piece of knowledge fuck my mind so hard that I feel like I'm reliving the A's allover again?

nekonamida posted 5/9/2019 20:15 PM

It's triggering knowing that someone else is about to experience it. Two years ago I saw my XWBF with a new girlfriend and I could tell just from hearing his tone of voice and the look on her face that he was emotionally abusing her too. It really messed with my head for a while plus the fact that everything he complained about me were issues she had in spades so I knew it was a terrible situation for her.

Trust me. He will never really be happy. Smugly satisfied with her until she leaves perhaps but it's a far cry from a healthy, loving relationship. There's no happily ever after for our WEXs because they aren't capable of it.

kW33Nfool posted 5/9/2019 20:39 PM

(((nekonamida))) Thank you for that and I know you are right.
For a year he tried to crawl back without any work. I stayed strong and wouldn't let him. He is just getting a good relationship with our DS who is still asking if his dad can move back in. Then he exposes my 9 year old to more emotions that he can't wrap his brain around yet. I hope the new GF doesn't stick around for the 13 years that I did.

I feel WH has stopped binge drinking and snorting coke. Hopefully she gets a better version of what I had. But all the same I NEED him to feel the family loss longer.

The1stWife posted 5/10/2019 05:05 AM

You need to get to a point where He is no longer your concern.

Once you no longer care then you will be free. And nothing he says or does will bother you or affect you in the future.

You deserve complete happiness but if you are still impacted by him, even now, then you are still allowing him to affect you.

Therapy can help. Books can help. A support group or support team for you can help.

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