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Just Feeling Sad

lizgwvet posted 4/18/2019 21:41 PM

Close to D day anniversary, I am feeling very bad.
How come after 4 years it still hurts?
I wish he was dead, it would be far easier.

JoyfulMourning posted 4/18/2019 23:11 PM

I'm sorry you feel sad. If he were dead you'd probably be feeling the same because divorce can feel somewhat like the grief bought on by the death of someone. In the back of my mind the thoughts of "him passing would have made more sense" pops up, because the demise of the marriage sure doesn't.

The pain of someone passing seems to make sense to me because we're not control of that, and it's not usually done on purpose but a divorce or affair doesn't have to happen. Putting one's partner in a position where they have to choose to divorce or recover from an affair to maintain their sanity or safety is so unfair and selfish.

I think too, that the duration of the support people offer for the bereaved isn't as long for the grieving divorced/betrayed person. Thank goodness for this site.

Your ex may not be dead but you're alive too! You've felt bad about this before, so you know that you'll also feel better. I think acknowledging how you feel is very healthy and will release the strength you need on the "anniversary day".
Peace to you.

lizgwvet posted 4/18/2019 23:54 PM

Thanks Joyfull!

JoyfulMourning posted 4/19/2019 00:06 AM

You're welcome lizgwvet.

destroyed1 posted 4/19/2019 07:12 AM

How come after 4 years it still hurts?

Our life experiences are stored in the cells of our body.

your body knows what time it is.

ErinHa posted 4/19/2019 09:25 AM

Hi lizgwvet,

You and I joined around the same time and it's been such a long road. I read your profile and I'm so glad you are out. You went through a lot with false R only to have him, years later, leave you for yet another woman. There would be no happiness and fulfillment with this man.

My general rule of thumb is to with my feelings, if it hurts, it hurts. If it feels good, it feels good. When I finally got divorced last year I prepared myself to feel whatever I felt. I expected to have some ups and downs but honestly I've only had relief to be rid of this man who would never respect me.

Wishing you some peace and happiness.

lizgwvet posted 4/19/2019 09:31 AM

Thanks Erin,
I know I just need to honor my feelings, but it still sucks.

2married2quit posted 4/21/2019 23:24 PM

So sorry you're still hurting. This month it's been 3yrs since the divorce was final, 4yrs since separation for me and the ex. All I can tell you is do one day at a time. There are days I feel amazing. And then there are those days where my core still hurts. Not so much about my ex anymore, but mostly about the broken dreams, the rejection and injustice I did not deserve. Her lack of remorse and the trauma the kids have now :( . Breaks my heart.

However, think of the future ahead of you. A new chapter.

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