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How to gain my self worth back?

Quill posted 2/26/2019 16:53 PM

I canít seem to shake this feeling of no worth. Not just because of what he did but because my previous husband was abusive, I lost a child to stillbirth and other traumas in my life. This man was supposed to be my Hallmark ending - and just like that it became a life time original. I feel like God hates me, life hates me. What did I do that life has to just stomp on me just when I raise my head up. I donít want to stop believing in the beauty of this world or that true love exists. But maybe just not for me. Maybe I just live for the kids give them my all. I canít keep reaching up and get stomped down again.

The1stWife posted 2/26/2019 20:29 PM

Iím sorry you are at a low point.

I know how hard life can be. But when you continue to get beaten down you have to re-evaluate things.

And sometimes you need to stop focusing on the wrong people. Like your H. Your Marriage. His feelings.

Instead focus on you. Your children. Do things without him. You and family - not him. Develop your own interests or social activities.

Do the 180 on him. Read up on how to start to protect yourself from him.

whodidimarry posted 2/27/2019 04:27 AM

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Are you in IC? Ifyou can, try to find one if you're not. Infidelity is a mindfuck.

It's important that you focus on yourself at this time. Exercise, hobbies, mindfulness. And post whenever you need. We're here for you.

Furious1 posted 2/28/2019 17:02 PM

How your WS and how your XH conducted themselves define their own worth. His cheating is about him and his lack of worth. Your XH's abusiveness is about him and his lack of worth.

Abusers and cheaters go through a lot of victims because those victims usually throw them back once they realize what they are really like under their showy veneer. They test a lot of people before they find ones that they can trick someone into buying into their lies about how wonderful they are. With each failure where they get dumped, they learn to lie better. So with each victim, they become better at concealing their true nature. That shows how little they value themselves and that their sense of worth is in the toilet.

Life craps on everyone, but true love does exist and it is for all of us. Even if I never participate in another relationship, I am fully capable of loving myself through and through. I don't need that love to come from someone else. It has to come from me first. And when truly love myself, I learn to recognize and respond to any red flags that cheaters and abusers put out. Additionally, I love myself enough to not allow the lack of morality of others affect or diminish my own sense of worth or my love for myself. I can only control my own actions and my worth is not based on the crappy actions of someone who doesn't value themselves.

BellaLee posted 2/28/2019 19:17 PM

Hi @Quill, I really wish I could put my arms around you and tell you will be okay. You are absolutely 100% worthy of true love. I know you've gone through a lot and life seems unfair and I'm so sorry. I don't know how strong your faith is but please believe me when I tell you that God loves you!
As human beings we have the free will to make choices and unfortunately some people make very wrong choices and it's nothing to do with anybody else but their own choice.

Please don't give up hope. I pray the future brings you much healing, peace and an abundance of true love. Stay strong!

ru79 posted 3/2/2019 13:30 PM

Quill, I am really sorry for your pain and the hopelessness you are dealing with. There are some really good YouTube videos by Alan Robarge that you can listen to and might shape your thinking...

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