I guess...I found out a month ago. It was a Saturday, a good day, and he said he wanted to go see his family. I had so many little things telling me, and I suspected, and I let him go because I needed to know for sure. When he came home the next night I was so in shock, I didnt bring it up. He was upset, later, that I didnt say anything sooner. I asked why he didn't say anything. He said he did.
Our son turns a year old this month. My first, and the experience has been hard on me, someone already plagued with depression and anxiety and suicidal ideation. He said he understood when I said I was "touched out." Apparently, he meant to say he was going to find someone else on Tinder.
There is a core of magma in my lungs and I can't seem to get rid of it. My mind is a menagerie of dark thoughts and I don't want to bring it up because I'm "dwelling" or "unforgiving." I'm so busy being a mom and a better spouse I can't seem to find the time to...feel better. Whatever that means. I'd seek out help, but I don't have insurance and I'm already up to my eyeballs in medical debt. No one else knows, not even my best friend, and God I feel so alone.
What do/did you do? Do you talk about it? Do you look them in the eyes, eyes you used to love, and say, "this makes me want to die?" Do you pretend it never happened? He says he's not talking to her, he blocked her on social media, but how can I be sure? How can I ask without coming off as "paranoid," "overbearing," and "controlling?"
Where am I supposed to go from here?
EDIT: Oh. I just put a few pieces together. He "lost" his ring some time ago on one of his trips. He's forgetful, I thought nothing of it. I bet he took it off for her. Did/do you have things coming together this long after D-Day?
[This message edited by Momtopus at 12:48 AM, February 26th (Tuesday)]