SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm here because I'm afraid my wife might be cheating on me. I was referred here by my brother, who was cheated on by his wife a few years ago.

Me (42) and W (42) have been married for 19 years. We have one child (son) who's away at college. I earn a good living and we are comfortable. She was a SAHM for many years. She now teaches piano lessons part time at home.

Our marriage has been good. Ups and downs here and there, but not a lot of arguing and no yelling or degrading. Good relationship, good sex life. She's my best friend and I've always thought I was hers.

However, over the past 3 months she's seemed increasingly distant. About a month ago she went on a planned cross country trip to her home town to visit her mom for 2 weeks. Our communication during that time was very sporadic because of her reluctance to answer my calls/texts. There was one night when I couldn't reach her at all. She claimed she was out with "old friends" and lost track of time, but it was very unlike her not to answer at all.

The distance between us continued when she got home. And she's less interested in sex than normal. We've only been intimate once since she got home, and that encounter was very forgettable. Our sex life is normally good.

All this set my curiosity in motion, and I checked our phone bill for her call and text activity during her trip. There was one number I didn't recognize and couldn't reconcile. There was a flurry of calls and texts to/from this number beginning the 2nd day of her trip, lasting a few more days, and then abruptly stopping.

I did an online search and was shocked and sickened to find that it was her old fiance's number. He lives in her home town.

Neither of us guard our phones (no passwords). So I checked her phone one night when she was asleep, and sure enough, she had deleted all the texts between them. And I've never known her to delete texts before.

I desperately want to recover those texts but I'm having trouble. I tried Dr. Fone. She and I have identical phones so I downloaded Dr. Fone to my PC and tried to recover a deleted text from my phone. I first put it in developer debug mode, then ran Dr. Fone recover. It seemed to be going well. It connected to my phone, recognized it, rebooted it, and tried to analyze it. But after a while it came back and said it couldn't put my phone in root mode, and told me to manually put it in root mode and run Dr. Fone again. I couldn't find any way to manually do that. I found a program online (Kingo Root) that said it could put my phone in root mode, but it failed.

So could someone here help me find out how to recover those deleted texts? Here are the particulars of my phone:

SAMSUNG-SM-J727V

Model: SM-727V

Hardware version: J727V.02

Android 8.1.0

Kernel version: 3.18.71

Thanks. I'm surely hoping there's a rational explanation, but I'm afraid there's not.

Fonelab used to be top rated. If you can't figure it out. Sinc her phone to a PC and get a phone service to do it for you. You will need her password.

You might check with a local PI service. It will probably cost you a little but right now you just need to know. ASAP

Don't let this linger!!!!!!

Whatever you do, do not confront just yet! Monitor her phone records for phone calls and texting to OM. She may be using a burner phone or FB Messenger, WhatsApp or Snapchat to communicate so look at the recent app downloads. Get a VAR placed under her car seat if you see she talks to him on grocery store runs and definitely before next trip home. Place another VAR in the most common room at home where she might FaceTime or talk on phone to him. Keep copies of all evidence in a safe place.

Intimacy almost always slacks off once the WW has feelings for another man. She is at the age where you need to look at the symptoms of peri menopause. I was clueless. Talk to us before doing anything. We have all been through it and are here to help you find answers and hope to help you save your marriage. Work on being the best husband you can be but try not to let her know you are on to her. Good luck.

I've been careful. I don't think she suspects that I suspect anything.

I've had to stop myself a couple times from confronting her, but I know it's much better to wait and find solid evidence she can't "come up with an excuse for". The waiting is killing me.

I'll try Fonelab tonight after she goes to bed. I also want to find a way to make her phone forward her texts to my email address.

I've been looking at USB VARs. Her usual phone conversation place is sitting in the den at the computer, or sitting in the recliner next to the computer.

Hopefully Fonelab can help.

I'd get a couple VARs. The car is always a good place.

PI is a good suggestion. Also (unfortunately), I would avoid intercourse for now, because of STD.

She was engaged to this guy for a year before we started dating. I knew her (but not him) at that time, and I sure had eyes for her, but I respected her comittment to her fiance. It was obvious to me that our friendship had turned into "something more", and we talked about it. I told her I had to respect her comittment, and if it ever ended, I'd like a chance to see where our relationship could go. Two weeks later she gave him his ring back, and we began dating. Two years later we married.

I've always maintained good boundaries, and she has as well (I think) until now. I made it known to her from the beginning of our engagement that I would never keep in touch with old girlfriends, and that I could not deal with her keeping up with old boyfriends. I don't think I'm a controlling person at all, but I think old flames are best left in the past. I didn't force her to agree to this - she agreed wholeheartedly.

So in a way, I'd feel severely betrayed even if they were just talking about the weather.

I thought I recently read (possibly here on SI) that if you have an old phone, you can turn it on and new texts will come to the old phone (as well as the one presently in use). Not sure if this is true but someone here might know.

I PM you a potential root pw for your phone

I'm sorry you're in this mess. I think you have a reasonable basis to be concerned. At the very least she has a secret relationship that she's hiding from you.

What do you know about the ex fiance? Is he married, kids, employment? Do you know his wife's name (a potential ally)?

Does she have cheater friendly apps like facebook, snapchat or whatsapp installed?

- does she leave the phone unattended or is she possessive of her phone (take it to the bathroom?)?

Since he lives out of town it's difficult for them to meet. However, he could fly to her.

1 - Put a tracker on her phone so you always know where she is.

2 - Be alert for anything out of the ordinary. Cheaters use half truths as cover stories to divert suspicion in advance. For example, I'm going on a girls or shopping weekend while she's actually meeting the OM.

** does anyone have experience with software used by parents to monitor their kids? Tom's Guide recommends Qustodio for tracking & monitoring texts as long as the texting isn't down through a social app.

IDK much about the ex-fiance. He was a realtor during their engagement. If the text messages prove to be damning, I'll definitely find out if he's married and inform his wife if he is.

Neither of us have used social media until about a year ago when she finally signed up on facebook, to keep up with her family (we live on one coast, they live on the other).

Well, I'm glad your brother referred yo to this site.

This kind of thing seems disturbing and puzzling to the uninitiated. In hindsight it as easy as a connect the dots puzzle.

You are doing very well. Gather your information. VAR in place definitely after you are ready to confront. Never, ever reveal your source of information.

Sounds like her mom is not your friend either. She would likely know what her daughter is out doing.

If the text messages prove to be damning...

The secret interaction and deleted texts are damning enough. Don't let the ultimate inability to extract those texts keep you from taking the next step.

Put some effort into finding out if he is married, status, who the wife is, etc. This way you are armed for the next step.

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 7:32 PM, February 23rd (Saturday)]

Do you have access to her facebook account?

Are they friends?

Check out his FB page.

Don't feel guilty about being suspicious of your wife.

You have enough evidence for a reasonable married man to be suspicious that his wife is having an affair.

Why? As a married woman she is responsible for conducting herself in a manner that is above suspicion. That includes no: secret friends, secret calls & texts, secret meetings out of town – and being out of contact the entire night while out of town.

Check your private messages.

Your original post checked all the boxes for increasing the chances of a happily married woman having an affair.

Around 40 with an empty nest. Her identity and her role as a mother is over.

She’s back home where she was a young attractive single girl that men wanted. Not just someone’s wife or mother. She's flattered to know she still has it.

Much easier to compartmentalize being in a different town. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

A guy that she had previously found attractive and had feelings for. Having sex with someone a second time is a less high hurtle to jump over than having it the first time. You’re not jumping into the sac with someone you just met.

If a happily married woman was ever going to have an affair it would be under those conditions. It was like an extreme stress test.

Don't feel guilty about being suspicious of your wife.

Robert22205https

I agree

She’s acting differently because she’s guilty about something. It could that nothing happened but she thought about it. It could have been a one time thing that she will take to her grave because she loves you so much.

You have received good advice. If you confront too soon she will say that you’re crazy and you will never know.

[This message edited by Michigan at 11:25 AM, February 24th (Sunday)]

Samsung’s are the hardest phones to root with Dr. Fone. There was a YouTube video that helped me a few years ago.

You have to overrride the developer’s coding. Be careful because it voids the warranty on any phone you root. Important if you pay a lease on it still.

Samsung’s are the hardest phones to root with Dr. Fone. There was a YouTube video that helped me a few years ago.

You have to overrride the developer’s coding. Be careful because it voids the warranty on any phone you root. Important if you pay a lease on it still.

Based on what you posted alone, you're right about feeling betrayed, she's been in contact with an ex-fiance behind your back, all the major red flags are there, I agree you need solid proof but I'm afraid all the signs are there and honestly would be surprised if she's not in an A, I sincerely hope I'm wrong but we've seen this play out way too many times here and in other forums, whatever you do, do not confront without solid proof, if she plans another trip back home, hire a PI there and have her followed.

Your brother was smart to send you here, get a few VARs and place them in the house and her car, if she uses WhatsApp so that the texts no longer show in your phone bill you can download the PC version and since her phone is not password protected you can set it up to see all her texts in real time.