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One month in

Brokenforlife posted 1/6/2019 07:50 AM

Itís been a month since I found out my H was cheating on me. He claims it was only twice because thatís how many hotel rooms I found on his CC. Since finding out he professes his remorse and sorrow. We have been to MC twice now and talk about it daily. He really wants to fix what he broke but Iím not sure I can. As much as I try I just canít stop the mental movies that are in my head and that causes the pain that wonít stop. He has gotten tested, gave me all passwords, gave me the AWís number(or so he says it is). He is constantly trying to reassure me that he was the problem. However I feel like I canít and wonít trust him again. He has been overly loving and I feel a little overwhelmed by it. If he loved me, why did he cheat? If he wanted me in his life, why did he look for someone else? I was there. He was my best friend. I no longer feel that anymore. How do I heal? How do I move on? I donít know what to do. 😢😢😢😢

inthedark99 posted 1/6/2019 08:24 AM

Sorry youíve found yourself here Brokenforlife.
Please read through the Healing Library and often. Post here often.
Gently, you may not have all of the truth right now. Also, your marriage doesnít need counseling right now, your spouse needs to figure out what was broken inside him that caused him to cheat. He needs to fix himself by seeing a counselor. You should see one separately to begin healing.
Please keep reading here and posting. you are safe here.

The1stWife posted 1/7/2019 03:58 AM

Brokenforlife.

Iím so sorry for you. All of us here understand exactly what you are going through and the pain and devastation you are feeling.

It is hard to wrap your head around an affair and/or cheating. I donít know if your H was emotionally involved or not with the OW (other woman).

But you cannot allow him to sweep this under the rug. My H tried that. It wonít work.

Itís not enough he says ďIím sorry ď. He needs actions to back it up. He may be sorry but what is he doing to help you heal? What is he doing to make amends?

Ignore his words and watch his actions as they will show you who and what he is. He should be reading books and getting counseling at a minimum to repair the damage.

He made a choice to cheat. That is the only explanation yiu shoukd acceot. It is so typical for the cheater to blame the Betrayed spouse.

Your job is not to make him happy. Never was. You can add to his happiness - but if he is not happy he needs to fix it. And an affair is not fixing his unhappiness- that only adds to his problems.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:59 AM, January 7th (Monday)]

undertherug posted 1/7/2019 05:49 AM

Sweetie, I am sorry you are having to go through this pain. It is exhausting and there is more emotion anyone should have to bear. I am afraid you may have just exposed the tip of this iceburg. I sincerely doubt they had sex two times; that is only what you have proof of so far. Many on here suggest a polygraph. If you decide to offer the gift of R, you need to know what you are dealing with. He needs to be in IC and so do you. Common wisdom is that it's way too early for MC. Do you have children? Are you dependent on him financially?

twisted posted 1/7/2019 08:45 AM

My biggest red flag is when they tell you "twice".
And here it is again.
It's always twice. Once doesn't sound believable, even to them, any more sounds too bad.
That's a sure sign they're lying.

Fbtjax posted 1/7/2019 09:11 AM

It sucks to be here as a BS, but unfortunately, like many of us, you've found this place. The good news is that you're going to get some great advice on how to manage things moving forward.

You're only a month out. Don't rush your recovery. It takes time. I'm just over a year in, and I'm still struggling with the things my WW did, and I'm still certain I haven't gotten everything from her.

Focus on yourself, and getting you healthy both physically and mentally. Read through the healing library, and post here often. We've all been where you're at, and we've all had to deal with the doubts that creep in on a daily basis.

Trust is something that has to be earned. It sounds like your husband is trying to do his part. You don't have to speed through recovery. Betrayal is a tough thing to overcome whether you're the betrayed or the wayward. Take your time and figure out what is best for you. It's time to be selfish.

Marie2792 posted 1/7/2019 14:23 PM

Sorry you have had to join us. I will say that experience tells most of us that cheaters will only admit what you can prove or what they forgot to, or couldnít cover up. He could have paid cash for other trysts, she could have paid, or theybcoukd have gone somewhere else.

Please read as much as you can in the Healing Library. I would also recommend that you try to get into into therapy. Itís all about taking care of yourself right now.

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