Trying to make this concise, so hang in there with me...
I'm having some issues with my fiance's ex-wife and his mother, mainly. His ex-wife doesn't like me, for whatever reason. That part doesn't really phase me. She cheated and left for OM. They had been divorced for over 4 years before we started dating.
My bigger problem is that the ex-wife is still constantly in contact with my fiance's mother and sister. And it is always about drama... for example, her boyfriend and how he treats her, or that she might lose her house. She throws herself a pity party about whatever nonsense she has going on and then messages my fiance's family about it. And, they don't see anything wrong with it.
My fiance has told his mother that he doesn't want her talking to his ex-wife unless it pertains directly to their child, and that should really only be on rare occasions regarding child care. It bothers him that after they divorced, especially over infidelity, that his mother and sister would continue this friendly relationship. His mom claims it is only because she feels obligated since his ex-wife doesn't have many people to rely on for emotional support.
Well, his mom recently talked to both me and my fiance about all of this and she insisted that she would keep things strictly about her grandchild... that lasted about two weeks. His mom and ex-wife are back to posting on Facebook and tagging each other about random things.
Most of the time I just roll my eyes and now I've actually hidden his mom from my timeline. But, I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't annoy me. She knows this upsets her own child and she didn't keep her word. I just don't think I could be that friendly with a woman who cheated on my son. There are ways to stay civil after a D that don't involve acting like BFF's on social media.
I haven't physically spoken to my future MIL since we had the conversation about the ex-wife. She has sent a handful of texts over the last two months, but that's about it. I'm really struggling. Having dealt with a WS that lied to my face and then went off and did whatever he wanted anyway, its a bit triggery. It also feels like a boundary issue. But, I'm torn because she is not my mom and I don't want to drive a wedge between my fiance and his mother.
Am I overthinking this? Am I being petty? Should I just let my fiance continue to handle it? I'm mad and hurt for him. Plus, if I'm totally honest, I'm a little mad and hurt for myself too. I tried to cultivate a relationship with his mom, but it seems like she would rather gravitate towards the ex-wife. That stings a bit. I just really needed to get this all out. It has been swimming around in my head for far too long. Any words of wisdom?