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Catfished

cliched posted 9/23/2018 23:06 PM

My husband left me for a coworker 22 years younger in April 2016. They have a child already and he gave up custody of ours. We are about to start trial because he is fighting tooth and nail over money.

In the meantime, I finally dipped my toe into online dating. I just wanted to see who was out there and start to look forward to the future. I matched with a guy who seemed nice, though I was pretty quickly suspicious and called him my "fake boyfriend." Still he texted a couple of times a day, was supportive, and made me feel like I had someone in my corner-- something I have not felt in almost 3 years. It only lasted about 2 weeks before I figured out how to confirm my suspicions (reverse image search) and honestly, I am bereft. I knew it was fake from almost the beginning, but I feel like a total fool. I will also miss someone who did not exist--much like my husband really. I feel so low and so hopeless about the future. Any thoughts or experiences to share?

[This message edited by cliched at 11:13 PM, September 23rd (Sunday)]

Chrysalis123 posted 9/24/2018 05:55 AM

I'm sorry you got hurt.

I know this is not helpful, but time will help this go away.

Thank your lucky stars you got away so quickly. I don't online date because there are so many bad eggs and I'm not willing to waste my time sorting through that mess.

Keep saying to yourself---I am a worthwhile wonderful person. And congratulate yourself for trying.

Maybe, join a new group. Volunteer, meet up, etc with the goal to make some new woman friends. Start there to keep yourself busy until the bad feelings pass.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 4:08 PM, September 24th (Monday)]

EvenKeel posted 9/24/2018 07:13 AM

You are not a fool.

Just like IRL, there are nice, normal folks and there are jerks.

I always verified who I was talking to.

I understanding the missing it as well. It is nice to feel you have a connection with someone. Even if it is only viral, to just have someone to reach out to, etc.

Chrysalis is right though - you are lucky you found out early. My GF ended up in a heck of a mess with catfisher (think FBI involvement).

Please do not let this idiot jade you or lose hope. There are many normal folks out there - really

better4me posted 9/24/2018 09:54 AM

Ugh. So sorry it happened to you. My advice: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over.

It happened x2 with me. One was a Nigerian type of scam but with emails and voice calls before the inevitable request for $. The other was not really catfishing in that it was a real person who matched his photos, but he was hiding a criminal past (and lying about his age etc). Like you, I figured it out within a couple of weeks and no harm, no foul. There are so many really bad stories about catfishing out there that I felt relieved it hadn't involved money or meeting or what have you.

However, I remember feeling foolish and bereft and suspicious of all profiles and hopeless about ever getting it "right". Trust me, those feelings will eventually pass.

You are not a "total fool". You were smart. And now you know better and will be smarter. From now on you will remember that someone whom you do not know can not really be "in your corner". You will take the time to vet people properly, resist revealing too much of yourself until there is actual real in person contact. You will listen more closely to that little voice within you that said "whoa" and "slow down". You will remember that things that seem too good to be true, usually are. You will be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out

[This message edited by better4me at 9:55 AM, September 24th (Monday)]

cliched posted 9/24/2018 11:32 AM

"You will be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out "

Love this!

Thanks so much, guys. I am glad I did listen to my intuition. This guy was good--fake linked in page and all. He did not ask for anything, but it was early. I told him I knew he was catfishing last night and now I will report him to the site.

I think my openness is because I am craving some comfort and attention, though that makes me vulnerable. I have great friends and am mostly OK. I just hope I will get to enjoy a good romantic relationship before I die.

I.will.survive posted 9/25/2018 05:31 AM

I think my openness is because I am craving some comfort and attention, though that makes me vulnerable

Completely understandable! And exactly why catfishers are mostly excellent at what they do. Until you catch on. Which bravo for you, you figured it out really quickly for this being your first rodeo!!!

Onward. With eyes wide open. When it's right, it's effortless and fun. You will feel a difference. Chin up!

HappyTree posted 9/25/2018 12:38 PM

First of all, your ex sounds like a jerk. Doesn't want his own child anymore, but wants money. YUCK!

Second of all, why feel like a fool? I don't get it. It was only 2 weeks, then you found out. How long were you with your husband before you found out that he was a jerk?

Can you tell me what reverse image search is? I would like to know.

heartbroken_kk posted 9/26/2018 16:02 PM

reverse image search, go to google main page, in the upper right corner there is the word "images" , click on that, then click on the camera icon in the search box, and you can upload an image saved on your computer. Then google will hunt for images that match.

TrustGone posted 9/27/2018 15:18 PM

Please don't give up on OLD. Just like you, there are some really good people looking for someone to share their lives with. Yes, you will get the crazy ones and the scams, but you will also get to meet really amazing people too. Luckily I met my new husband on OLD and he is a great guy. You just have to trust yourself in knowing the difference. It looks like you did just that.

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