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Agnostic/Atheist Support Group

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SisterMilkshake posted 3/8/2015 10:36 AM

^^^ ^^^

Jrazz posted 3/8/2015 17:04 PM

Hey friends. We're here to lift each other up in a space that may be more familiar and comfortable to those outside of religious ideals. Posting as a member AND a mod, I'd like to ask that we keep the tone supportive of each other rather than making fun of religion or debating its legitimacy.


ETA: It is of course perfectly ok to say how we have been affected by unsolicited religious influence etc, but there's a difference between seeking support with this and having a go at others who do lean on religion.

I hope this makes sense.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:07 PM, March 8th (Sunday)]

sadone29 posted 3/9/2015 09:43 AM

Sorry if I crossed a line, Jrazz! I try to be mindful of what I post. I never expected religion to become an issue at all in how to raise our kids, let alone having to deal with it on top of infidelity. Sorry, y'all, if my anger seeped through too much!

The reality is, I'm not someone who never had faith, like many out there. I was a new agey panentheist for about 20 years, so I understand both sides. Although some things have changed drastically for me in losing faith, I'm still fundamentally the same person.

I will always stand up for freedom of religion, as well as freedom from religion.

Ascendant posted 3/21/2015 10:58 AM

Just wanted to share an article that I think probably illuminates many of the struggles that many of us have had with this issue.

sadone29 posted 3/26/2015 08:04 AM

Thanks Ascendant, that was a good article.

Did anyone watch the CNN special about atheists? I thought it was pretty good. I feel so bad for the kid whose parents say he's already dead. I can't imagine my parents saying something like that.

AverageGuy posted 3/26/2015 12:08 PM

I watched that part. While I understand we all want to love our parents, why would someone want to stay with cavemen like them? Just like we're all betrayed and divorced or considering divorce, a son can be happy to "divorce" that kind of parent.

sadone29 posted 3/26/2015 14:04 PM

I wonder if his age comes into it? I'm not sure I would have been ready to face the reality of the kind of abuse his parents are dishing out. Or to face the reality of never speaking to my own parents again.

I'm sure it hurts more than "a little" as he said on the show. I definitely see him minimizing it.

I hope he finds the strength to see his worth and the strength to walk away.

Lola2kids posted 4/1/2015 08:30 AM

It's coming up on Easter.

My kids have always celebrated this with me as I did as a child. The Easter Bunny comes and leaves some chocolate and a little present.

They are almost 11 now and just clinging on to the belief in Santa, Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.

X is Greek Orthodox. Their easter is next week. I still don't get why they are not on the same day (differnet calendars?) They don't have a Good Friday just the Sunday bit.
He lives overseas now but I know his parents will come with presents and coloured eggs. I can remember X asking me to say something in his language while bashing the eggs together. I wanted to know what I was saying. It was a religious thing and I told him I did not want to be a hypocrite by saying it. It started an argument.

How have you reconciled with the kids your beliefs while not bashing the beliefs of the "in laws"? I'm not sure bashing is the right word but you get the gist.

LosferWords posted 4/1/2015 08:54 AM

How have you reconciled with the kids your beliefs while not bashing the beliefs of the "in laws"? I'm not sure bashing is the right word but you get the gist.

In my case, it is not my in-laws, but my own folks that I have religious differences with. Generally I try to be as respectful as I can, and state something to the effect of, "That is what they believe, which isn't what I believe. This is what I believe..."

It is very important to me to keep things as neutral and open as possible, so my son can feel comfortable enough to inquire as much as he wants, and make his own decisions about what he believes.

Tred posted 4/1/2015 08:58 AM

Easter by definition in Western religions falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the northern spring equinox. That's why it moves around so much. Maybe have your son investigate why Easter falls on different days for different religions from an academic approach?

h0peless posted 4/1/2015 09:35 AM

My parents are both religious and while I don't have kids, my siblings do and have to navigate that situation. They both let my Mom take their kids to church on occasion (under the guise of showing off the grandchildren) and will allow their kids to decide what they believe for themselves when they are old enough. Of course, they won't be raised in a religious household and will have questions answered in a secular way, so I imagine they will be unlikely to choose religion.

Lola2kids posted 4/1/2015 09:42 AM

Of course, they won't be raised in a religious household and will have questions answered in a secular way, so I imagine they will be unlikely to choose religion.

This is exactly what I thought.
If they ask me questions and I don't know, I google it.
I think they are inquisitive enough that they will ask a lot of questions.

sadone29 posted 4/5/2015 09:30 AM

I am grateful that my kids are naturally inquisitive. And they at least grow up watching their mother refuse to go to Church and who will answer all their questions in a secular way.

I usually try to enjoy my Sunday mornings when they are in Church, but I'm finding today difficult for some reason.

BlueIris posted 5/5/2015 14:13 PM

New to this group - my first post.

I'm wondering how many of you here are in mixed marriages, where one spouse is a believer and the other is not. I ask because I'm the heathen (as my fellow-heathen friend calls me), and my WH identifies as a Christian.

Among the many indignities of his two concurrent As, are several things related to religion, which present a whole other level to processing all of this insanity.

I was a Christian when we married, but I was never really able to make it make sense to me. Finally, after a lot of trepidation and even a bit of sadness, I accepted that, in fact, I do not believe.

My story is long (SO SO long!), but in a nutshell, we were separated due to job-related stuff from mid-2013 to late 2014 BUT we'd been struggling and were talking frequently of divorce; he visited, on average, about once a month.

Not only is he the WS in our story, but these things happened and they make me frustrated, angry, and bitter:

- About 7-8 months ago, he told me that he would never have married me if he'd known I would become an atheist.

- In the early morning hours after he had had sex with AP1, he sent a text message to her landlord (she was long gone - off to a party) telling him that he had to leave and that the door was unlocked and he didn't have a key. Then he added, "It was nice meeting another Christian. May God bless you in the season of Joy."

- Just before New Years (2015), he sent AP1 a text: Sending prayers for your inner peace, let me know if I can help you somehow. Glad you have your friend (name) nearby. God bless, WH

To be fair, he's apologized over and over and over again for being such an idiot. He admits that it was unfair to judge ME because I'm not a Christian, and he is also ashamed at how immoral his behavior was.

These things still sting. and I'm working on them. My question is, if you're in a "mixed-faith" marriage, I'd love to know how that works. Does one attend a church but not the other? Are you able to keep conversations about faith respectful? Is there anything in particular that you tell your kids?

Opinionsplease posted 5/6/2015 13:33 PM

Mm just so I know, if this group has been set up on the site, does that mean most other threads are posted by people with religious beliefs?

I have no need for religion and don't feel I need to defend my own ethical stance. I do though imagine that my position on infidelity comes from my Judeo-Christian cultural upbringing. I at least feel comfortable with and need monogamy, and feel better supported on this site than I would on a site that preached polyamory or whatever. But I do sometimes wonder where the people on the site come from in general? All kinds here or mainly Christian?

h0peless posted 5/6/2015 14:34 PM

BlueIris, I don't know how I would navigate a "mixed faith" marriage, especially since I would assume my partner thought I was going to hell when I died and that wouldn't work out. I could see it working if they were part of a faith that thought they could save me by baptizing me when I was too dead to care, but even then, I imagine it would be troublesome.

The hypocrisy in the texts you posted, by the way, is pretty mindblowing.

Opinionsplease, this site is for all kinds of people, but the population here probably pretty closely mirrors the places we come from as a whole as far as religious demographics go. I think there are more Christians on here than other faith/non-faith groups and sometimes that bleeds into threads with people offering prayers or platitudes about their deity of choice. This is just sort of a safe place for those of us who don't find that sort of thing helpful to process our feelings about what we're going through.

So in a nutshell, while this site is explicitly non-religious, it is about support. Some people find their faith to be a great source of strength and to them, there is no greater support than expressing hope through their religious views. For probably a majority of the members here, that adds value and helps them through a vulnerable time. To completely squash it would probably be counter to the mission of the site.

And people have been monogamous long before the advent of monotheism. Ethics and morality may be codified by religion, but they exist separately.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:28 PM, May 6th (Wednesday)]

ccw82 posted 5/7/2015 15:15 PM

BlueIris, I am in a mixed-belief marriage. My FWH knew I was agnostic/atheist before we married. In the past I very much supported his beliefs, and even attended church with him. But since his infidelities came out, I no longer respect those beliefs because they contributed toward his rationalization. "Everybody says I'm a great guy, and I'm a 'good Christian', so I can repent my sins at the end of the day" type of thinking. (What the hell does 'good Christian' mean these days, anyway???)

No offense to religious BSs, but I find that I'm able to reason more logically without religion in my life. That includes the infidelities. It downright pissed me off at times when religion was in the books I read on how to recover from infidelity. It seems as though many WSs are able to justify their actions through their religious beliefs.

I am feeling very lonely in my thoughts lately because when I've reached out to friends I get the "I'll pray for you" instead of offering up any rational advice.

justme1264 posted 5/19/2015 12:37 PM

My brother became a Christian roughly a year ago. His arrogance and holier-than-though rhetoric is driving me up the wall. I can't have a simple conversation with him without his bringing up how I "need" Jesus.

His latest: "Have you considered that the lack of fruit in your life (i.e., my ex wife's affair and me divorcing her) is the result of you losing your faith in Christ? Have you considered your responsibility in this?" I was at a loss for words and the only thing that came out of my mouth was a monotone, "fuck you." It probably wasn't the most effective choice of words. I am seething with anger.

Holy agriculture... I don't even have the words for how frustrating his jesus crap is. Am I the only one who is getting this level of ignorance from religious family members? Is it arrogance, ignorance, idiocy?

[This message edited by justme1264 at 12:39 PM, May 19th (Tuesday)]

h0peless posted 5/19/2015 12:44 PM

I accept that sort of shit from my grandparents, but if one of my siblings tried to say something like that to me (which they wouldn't because only one ended up growing up to be religious and she is respectful of the rest of us), I don't think I'd be able to hold back. How incredibly trite and disrespectful.

nowiknow23 posted 5/19/2015 13:09 PM

justme - I think your response was perfect, actually. He was spewing blatant blameshifting bs with the sole purpose of guilting you into his world view. So completely out of line.

I am feeling very lonely in my thoughts lately because when I've reached out to friends I get the "I'll pray for you" instead of offering up any rational advice.
I tend to give my friends/relatives the benefit of the doubt when they say this and assume that they care and want to show me, but we just speak different languages. My internal translator takes "I'll pray for you" or "You're in my prayers" and shifts it to "You're on my mind" or "I'm thinking of you and wishing you well" or some such thing.

Religious or not, most of my friends had no experience with infidelity before it happened to me. Most of them have no idea what to say or do, and they don't feel like they can offer advice. What I got instead of advice from them was "Do what's best for you and the kids. I've got your back." Which is a pretty damn good response, when you think about it.

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