I can't tell you whether or not your WH is being real with you, but do I believe it's possible to compartmentalize and use other people? ..yeah, I do.
I think intent matters. Your WH sought out these relationships, same as mine did. His intent was about getting what he wanted from these women, be it external validation to a needy self-esteem or entitlement regarding more or varied sex. There was purpose in the search and that search had no impetus regarding the object of it. IOW, the 'who' didn't matter as much as the 'what'.
We tend to lose our sense of being special to our WS after the betrayal, but I do believe that we ARE different to other women in the minds of our WH's. Their intent with us may, or in some cases may not, be virtuous, but we are NOT "other" in their minds and we never were. We may at times be objectified, but weirdly, at least for the remorseful WS, we are not objects in the way that an AP is an object. We are a different thing.
Even in cases where there was no active search for an outside relationship, there's still something similar, a sort of passive intent, inside the WS which is open to cheating, and that kind of self-involvement can work in much the same way. It's like a giant void, a gaping, needy hole just waiting for an AP to fall through. Again, it's more about 'what' than 'who' because it's serving an interior purpose, to spackle up one's inner cracks with PEOPLE.
I've come to believe that in many cases, we are different to that. Not always, of course. But where real and meaningful R is concerned and with the kind of WS's who are capable of recovery, than yes, our value is different than that of the AP.
[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 6:19 PM, Sunday, July 31st]