After posting here a month or so ago, I am finding myself back in the "just found out" stage again. I didn't think it would bother me that much, since I decided to divorce my WH after learning of the first 3 affairs (one was about 10 years ago, we split for a little while but got back together, then found out about two more just recently that had been going on concurrently for about a year and a half). Turns out, it does really bother me, and new issues and emotions are brought to light.
This time, I found out about more affairs from the OW my WH moved on to when I kicked him out. She contacted me and asked if my WH had been in contact with me at all recently (he has continued to try to maintain contact with me, despite knowing that we are divorcing, and him apparently jumping right into things with the OW). We ended up messaging back and forth quite a bit last Saturday after she realized how much he had been lying to her as well (I can't believe she was surprised) and I found out about more affairs/flings (that she had known about or found out about) and more about their affair.
I was honestly floored at the brazenness of my WH. He would take her to weekend softball games and she had met his friends... some of which had been our friends for years. They never said a single word to me... needless to say my "friends circle" has shrunk a bit over the past week. I can't believe he would just flaunt another woman around and nobody thought I had the right to know that?? She also said some odd things happened even with her... one time another woman came to a softball game she was at and he spent all of his time with her, instead of the OW who he had brought with him. The other girl had apparently driven almost 3 hours to come to the tournament and my WH claimed they were just friends, but the OW got uncomfortable and ended up leaving. She found out about a number of other flings and affairs too... yet she stayed, even knowing all of this. She fully admitted she has her own issues and was afraid to be alone, so she put up with a lot from him and wanted to believe all of his lies. Even now, she says she is done with him but I have a feeling he will tell her what she wants to hear and win her over again. He's apparently got some sort of crazy mind control over women to get so many to fall for his crap and believe all of the lies he tells them.
He brought the (main) OW to his out of town offices with him, and she met clients and acquaintances of his too. He had this complete other life with her and I'm blow away by how he could pull that off (along with all of his other side flings) and I NEVER knew. I still feel like such an idiot sometimes. I also feel like I will never be able to trust myself again after falling for his crap.
I just can't believe how much more I'm finding out about... I'm certainly not back on the bathroom floor after learning even more about what a horrible person he is (I swore I would never waste another tear on that piece of trash), but it's still the sting of further betrayal all over again. Not just by my husband this time, but by people I thought were my friends too. I am thankful for the true friends I have in my life still, but knowing that others knew about all of this, and never thought they should say anything, even if they thought it was wrong, is mind blowing. It's also frightening to think that if this is all coming out now, how much more is there that I will never know about. If what I do know is just the tip of the iceberg, I can't imagine how much worse it gets. How sick does someone have to be to do the things he has done... over and over and over again. I know he meets almost all of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (8 out of 9 traits, and only 5 are needed to diagnose) but I still can't seem to wrap my head around how someone could be capable of the things he's done.