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Reconciliation :
First anniversary of DDay coming up

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 FairyTaleGone (original poster member #79059) posted at 3:15 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

I am nearing the first anniversary of DDay. The day my life fell apart, and the month of hell that ensued after. Some days I feel like I am healing and feeling better, but others...like today the thought of living through that day again takes my breath away. I know its over a month away, and I should just try to deal with it as it comes but that seems so damn hard to do!

I read the post that was bumped yesterday about contrition, remorse and regret, and WH is checking all the boxes. I can tell that his sorrow over what he caused is coming from the right place. He is doing all the right things, he takes full responsibility, is taking the lead in efforts to make me feel safe and secure and I feel supported and loved and he is truly trying. All of this makes the day to day easier, but those sickening feelings pop back up at the thought of DDay and "A" season.

To all the veterans survivors of infidelity here...how did/do you handle A season and the anniversaries of DDay? I wish I could sleep those months away and wake up when its over, but that just can't happen sad

[This message edited by FairyTaleGone at 9:32 PM, Tuesday, January 4th]

DDay 1 - 2/19/21 (found out about EA)
DDay 2 - 5/22/21 (TT found burner phone)
DDay 3 - 6/9/21 (TT found out about PA)

EA/PA ended 3/22/21 -WH went NC
Working on R
13yr old DD at home - unfortunately knows way too much

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2021
id 8707328
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redundant ( new member #75071) posted at 4:58 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

I'm not a veteran here, but I can tell you that anniverseries of Ddays sucks rocks. My DDay was December, 20, 2015, and every Christmas season since has been miserable.

Since I've had to force happy feelings over the holidays with my daughter in order not to ruin things for her, healing has never been complete for me. Everyone says it is a matter of time, but every year at Christmas is a trigger for me.

I sincerely hope that you can get to a place of peace and harmony with yourself.

I think that by looking to your own needs helps.

posts: 14   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8707355
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:15 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

I was a wreck during A season and the runup to the 1st 'antiversary'; the 2nd antiversary, too, though not as messed up as the 1st. There wasn't much I could do about it. I was in IC, and that helped a lot. I talked with my W, too; that helped, too.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26513   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8707394
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 FairyTaleGone (original poster member #79059) posted at 9:42 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

I changed up my verbiage...I didn't mean just Veteran members of SI, I meant veterans of infidelity in general...I'm sorry!

Redundant

I sincerely hope that you can get to a place of peace and harmony with yourself.

I want this so bad. I know that this is the key to healing, I just can't seem to get there yet. DDay is bringing up so many feelings of inferiority and feeling like I was so dumb to have missed all the signs. Its like reliving it all at times. I have a session with my IC next week, I'm hoping that it helps put these thoughts at bay.

Sisoon

I was in IC, and that helped a lot. I talked with my W, too; that helped, too.

Fingers crossed IC helps me next week. I have been talking to WH about this, but its almost like he is toxically positive about the whole thing. "Its not going to be as bad as you think" "let's try to just move one day at a time" and "I will make sure both months are great". These are all very sweet things to say...but they are irking me. I don't even know what I think would be the right response, I just know that they didn't make me feel better. I'm sure I'm just on edge, and he probably just can't give me what I need because I don't even know that it exists right now.

Thank you both so much for your responses!

DDay 1 - 2/19/21 (found out about EA)
DDay 2 - 5/22/21 (TT found burner phone)
DDay 3 - 6/9/21 (TT found out about PA)

EA/PA ended 3/22/21 -WH went NC
Working on R
13yr old DD at home - unfortunately knows way too much

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2021
id 8707434
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 11:52 PM on Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

To all the veterans survivors of infidelity here...how did/do you handle A season and the anniversaries of DDay?

I didn't handle the first 5 A seasons well at all...and I am sorry I can't write a more positive statement for you (((HUGS))). It SUCKED the whole time...especially since I had a very precise timeline that could tell what THEY were doing EVERY DAY for the 68 days they were in their A crying .

BUT...I can honestly tell you that at the beginning of each year I would get upset because that meant I would have to relive A season in a few months...May 11-July17. As the months drew closer to A season...the more anxious I would get. Around year 6...I wasn't so anxious. THIS year...starting on year 8...NO anxiousness at all...Thank You God smile .

TIME will help Dear Lady...so please don't give up hope smile .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5811   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8707488
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:34 PM on Wednesday, January 5th, 2022

I always found that the days before the Dday were filled with more anxiety than the actual Dday anniversary.

8 years out and the pain of dday1 and dday2 has decreased tremendously.

It just takes time.

Be good to yourself and cut yourself some slack.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11155   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8707585
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