Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
I feel like a hostage

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 ZeeWildness (original poster New Member #79363) posted at 11:08 PM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

My story is long. Probably no longer than most on here though. TL/DR version is he is a serial cheater, narcissist, and he's sexually assaulted me by not listening to the word no.

Currently I'm not in a good place so I guess I'll start with that. I've started filing for separation at the end of last month and my STBXH found out before I even had the consultation. I have been cornered for 'talks' which amount to gaslighting and emotional manipulation attempts. They're emotionally exhausting. The most recent one was when I came home to find the children gone (he left them with my parents) and he wanted to 'talk' again. I have been doing well in that I'm mostly not letting him get to me. I actually laughed and told him that these talks were him trying to get me to do what he wanted, not to work out any issues we have.

My main issue is that he can pull this shit at any point because he's still in the house. It's torture. I can start paperwork on a divorce from bed and board but that'll go at the speed of the courts which means months. I don't know if I can last that long.


Now that I think I've written far down enough, I'm a refugee from reddit as well. He found my posts there and was responding to them. I'm hoping I can contact my lawyer tomorrow and see where she's at with the paperwork. Any legwork I can do to speed things up I'll do.

So hello fellow folks in hell. Sorry to see you guys here.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: NC
id 8687328
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nomudnolotus ( Member #59431) posted at 4:36 AM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

Hello ZeeWildness. I am sorry that you find yourself here. It's pretty terrible that he did that to you, and it sounds like maybe you are a bit numb about it? Are you in counselling? Have you thought about asking your lawyer if you can get exclusive use of the house based on the sexual assault? It does not sound like your home is a very safe place for you to be. :(

[This message edited by nomudnolotus at 4:37 AM, Tuesday, September 7th]

posts: 194   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8687363
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 3:59 PM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

Hugs to you, Zee.

If he assaults you again, call the police. Spousal rape is against the law.

Can you possibly live with your parents while you get the D underway or file for exclusive use of the marital home?

Please also talk to your attorney about a NC order - his behavior is likely to escalate as you move to D.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8627   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8687400
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barcher144 ( Member #54935) posted at 4:22 PM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

In my State, you can go to court for a temporary hearing and have him removed from the marital home. My ex did this to me, that's how I know. Your accusations of physical and sexual assault are likely sufficient to have him removed as long as you have some evidence of the assaults taking place. You should talk to your lawyer about this possibility.

Also, you need to get out of the house as much as you possibly can. When my ex and I were doing in-house separation, I established parenting times for each of us, as if we were divorced. I had parenting duties 50% of the time and she had parenting duties 50% of the time. When it was not my parenting time, I was not at home (or home only to sleep). Even better, she took my cue and she wasn't home when it was my parenting time. I am certain that she did this to "punish" me, but honestly... it was a win-win as far as I was concerned.

Me: BH, age 47
Her: WS, age 44 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5098   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8687408
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 12:26 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

How are things going? I feel so badly for you because you are being tormented.

Have you tried to get a restraining order? Or have you tried to leave and temporarily live elsewhere?

Can we do anything to help you ZW?

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687548
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