Newest Member: faithfulMan911

General :
Been a while...


 Gixxer1998 (original poster New Member #77284) posted at 2:58 AM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

Ok so lately I've been doing really well. I've lost 80 lbs going to the gym. I've been able to let a lot of my anger go. Well last night I took my ex on a bike ride. We talked after and she broke down confessing she misses me dearly. I told her I do as well but there's no way after what's happened that I can be with her. Who knows maybe in 20 or so years or something we'll find our way back to each other but right now I have to force myself to not fall back into the relationship. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get at here I just know since last night I'm hurting again and I fucking hate it. I've talked with other females and I just feel nothing. I fear that even if I get with someone else that I won't have those deep feelings I had for my ex. I feel like in my life I'll have moments of happiness but to be truly happy is impossible now. Anyone else feel this way?

And if it's ok I'll just grab my shit and leave
I won't say one word
I'll keep my tricks up my sleeve
Flew off of the handle
You opened fire on me
Put me down, put me out of misery
I'm fatally yours

posts: 28   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2021   ·   location: Ohio
id 8687254

thatbpguy ( Member #58540) posted at 3:33 AM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

It takes a while. Maybe several years. Being betrayed is like being killed, yet still living. I think you're doing fine. Just keep at it- day by day.

ME: BHHer: WWDDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I leftDivorcedRemarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4441   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8687257

phmh ( Member #34146) posted at 2:51 PM on Monday, September 6th, 2021

Why did you take your ex on a bike ride? NC (No Contact) is your main tool to get out of this misery. The best way to fully heal is to detach and not see her at all. You are keeping yourself stuck.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4972   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 8687282

guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 2:00 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

7 guys for a year and was texting 12 total.

This is what she did when you were there. She probably misses cheating on someone.

No contact except for matters related to kids.

posts: 476   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8687688

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 2:51 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

I think you got yourself out of infidelity without thinking about what you wanted to go to.

What does 'surviving and thriving' mean to you? What do you want your life to be? What do you have to do to get the life you want? What are you willing to do? What obstacles do you have to resolve?

Missing your W could mean a lot of different things. Could be true love, could be a desire to sabotage yourself, could be that you need more time, could be something else entirely. (It's probably a mixture.)

My reco is to start by figuring out what you want.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25978   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8687703

The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 2:26 AM on Friday, September 10th, 2021

I hope as time goes on you see the X for who she truly was and you resolve to that you will heal but then NEVER choose to go back to her.

Or you choose at least to not marry her. Ever again.

She misses you - or she misses what you provided that made her life easy. Whatever it is - you deserve to be loved and respected by your partner.

Time apart will hopefully provide you clarity and perspective.

I learned at a very young age that if a relationship ended there was a reason. And people will make all kinds of promises to get what they want and then revert back to their "true self".

Case in point I dated a guy who smoke and drank too much and his only interest was his sports teams. I was a tag along like an accessory. I ended it. He swore up and down things were different. I took him back. And a few months in nothing had changed except he was better at hiding it.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10504   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687822

OrdinaryDude ( Member #55676) posted at 4:23 AM on Saturday, September 11th, 2021

No contact is the best medicine.

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3366   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8688031
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