The pattern is full ghostrider. Maintain 180 and do not engage.
Yep. Doing my best to avoid her, but I'm not running away from her every time she walks down the stairs.
I have an acquaintance who was about to divorce his wife, but was still living with her. He unexpectedly woke up in the hospital. No history of heart issues, but his heart stopped one day. His STBXW said the cause was illegal drugs, although none showed up in his tox screen. Maybe it was just coincidental his wife was a cardiac care nurse with access to heart medication.
Probably not what you want to hear and I'm being paranoid, but I'd be wary of accepting food from someone who stands to financially be in a much better position if I was dead.
Eh... I don't know about that. I mean, your theory gives me pause, but I don't think my wife has it in her to kill. She's never been a violent or vindictive. She's just a loose woman with shit for boundaries. Killer? I don't think so.
But I've been wrong before!
This is the “let’s be friends” thing. They all do this.
It’s to help her not you. She can say say what I did wasn’t so bad cause “we’re friends”!!!!!!
Definition of friend - loyal, honest and trustworthy.
Your son is older. IMO your best path is to let her go fully. If not you’ll keep that and her family in your life. You won’t need any contact. Civil but distant.
No other relationship that you may have is going to want an x in the mix.
Oh I plan to let her go fully. No worries about that. I have had great fun planning out the remainder of my life over the past couple of weeks and that plan does not include her.
It was a large pizza. They had a special going on and since she knows I like that pizza joint she went ahead and got one for both of us. It was a considerate gesture and I politely thanked her before she went upstairs. She knows I won't read any more into it than that. This is the first time in a long time she has gone out of her way to share anything. Actually, since the lawyers have been haggling she has been very cold and distant towards me. She knows that financially she may get her ass handed to her. So she is doing her own 180.
I think she also knows you can't be bought for the price of a pizza.
What she did was be civil in a very trying time for both of you. I would have no problem with a small courtesy like this. It doesn't signify that you are getting back together-- she acknowledges that. Buying pizza also doesn't signify anything more than that. What she said might be the truth. She doesn't desire anything more than an amicable separation between grownups. You've already stated you don't wish to humiliate her. Your actions have backed that up. She's done what she's done-- staged an epic meltdown with her parents involved because (I think) that was what she was expected to do "to save her Christian marriage". So the drama played out in front of her parents and they realize that it's not going to be the same this time. She's sad, because she realizes you really aren't her best friend any more, and that's on her, not you. If she can be decent on the way out the door you both won't need to contribute any more vitriol to an already sad (but necessary) situation.
Does she think you two can be friends and will use that to justify herself? I seriously doubt that. There's nothing for her to point at and be proud of here. She did what she did, because she liked it and it felt good. She was already reluctantly given the gift of reconciliation by you and she trampled on it. Those are facts that don't make her look very good. You've been a gentleman about this situation and I think she realizes you are treating her better than she deserves. That's worth a few slices of pizza, but I doubt it signals her using it as leverage to tell the world about how you are her best pal after the divorce. Hypocrisy only takes you so far.
Everything you just wrote is just about 100% spot on. Thank you.
And it is also just my suspicion that her affair with the OM is back on, or never actually ended. Since returning home she has been spending a lot of time out of the house and going out at strange hours, so it is a good bet she is sneaking out to meet him or some other new guy. She was comfortable to continue living a double life as long as she could: having me as the old steady guy who helped pay the bills and keep the house in order, and the OM to give her the wiggles.
I'm inclined to lean towards KingofNothing on this.
From the information you provided, I also thought that this was a bit of an apology for the s-storm she created with her family and the church. A peace offering so to speak. "Our M is over, but we don't have to hate each other".
Yeah something like that, although I wouldn't go as far as to say an apology. More like a modus vivendi. She wants me off her ass and to stay off, so she is throwing out an olive branch and is offering to stay off my back. I see no reason not to accept a temporary cease fire.
You have a son. He will have life events that you both will likely attend. She likely understands that it is better for all parties if you can co-exist in the same space without anger/resentment/etc. That is essentially what she did. Share a pizza, I'll eat mine over here, you eat yours wherever. We both enjoy the pizza, don't have to interact. Everyone's OK.
Yes and we have had brief discussions about this. I told her I had no intention of badmouthing her to our son or trying to thwart their relationship in any way. She knows I would not do this. She has no respect for me that is obvious, but also she knows I am a man of my word.
I would also say that I agree with the others that you should continue the 180 and continue to detach. But it seems that is going along quite well already.
Oh yeah. I may have the steps tattooed on my chest. It has been a life saver.