Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
My Wife is Cheating and I'm Glad

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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 9:35 AM on Saturday, June 26th, 2021

TWO, Lift safety, thermal release has been authorised!!

Go lawyer.

One day at a time.

[This message edited by Buffer at 6:13 AM, June 26th (Saturday)]

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8670155
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ShutterHappy ( Member #64318) posted at 10:19 AM on Saturday, June 26th, 2021

TheWrongOne,

D day was close to 30 years ago for me. I went through false R and at some point I suspect my XWW was cheating again. I say suspect because I didn’t try to find out, I didn’t care. The first A did the damage and I was just waiting for my children to be old enough for D to be more practical. My inlaws were constant drama. I’m so glad I never have to see them again.

This is my perspective on where you’re at: D is like a business negotiation. You probably won’t get exactly what you want, your STBXWW probably won’t get what she wants. But it will pass. Alimony…. What will you do next time she sleeps with an employee and lose her job? To me alimony means regular contact with the XWW. Consider that in your negotiations.

The good news is that you will be free from your WW and her parents.

She will continue to make bad decisions, protected from any consequences by her parents. She doesn’t have a bright future in front of her. After the D, she will be stuck with her.

You will be free. You will continue to enjoy engineering (I’m in Aerospace engineering, and it’s fun, I know what you mean ).

You may date again in the future. This is where you will realize that most women are a lot more decent than your XWW.

So… take it one day at a time, you’ll be just fine

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1435   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8670161
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Mets1969 ( New Member #74235) posted at 2:58 PM on Saturday, June 26th, 2021

You're at the poker table with her now, waiting for the river card. She's trying to fill an inside straight, you have pocket aces with another on the board. You need to casually let her know that you know she has nothing. Just let it slip that in the event of a trial you'll need to subpoena her company for any work communication between her and the AP. You'll also need to subpoena the AP, who'll likely be served at home. Let that sink in for her for a bit, when she comes back to the table to try and save her professional reputation let her know that your original offer is the best one she'll get.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8670178
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Buster123 ( Member #65551) posted at 1:21 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

Prepare for WAR, use all your leverage, she does not want that story to reach the company and risk her CFO position and reputation. If you play your cards right with your lawyer, my bet is that if you press her on this she will eventually cave to avoid the shit show and drastic impact to her finances and reputation, tell your attorney to go for the jugular.

posts: 2412   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8670276
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 6:50 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

Talked to my attorney yesterday and he got me calmed down and said that the response they sent was totally expected. So all of you were right. He told me not to go off and get mad at my WW, that this is her lawyer's work and not really hers. He and her lawyer are supposed to have a discussion tomorrow and see if they can hammer out a mutually satisfying agreement.

I have been away from home for the last two days, mostly hanging out with a highway contractor and a geotech engineer in a remote rural area where we are designing a bridge and spillway. It has been so nice to be out of the house and away from my wife. My son and I are getting together for the holiday. He still won't talk to his mom so I'm meeting him at one of his friends' houses for a barbecue on Sunday. So that's where things are.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8670952
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 8:33 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

He still won't talk to his mom so I'm meeting him at one of his friends' houses for a barbecue on Sunday. So that's where things are.

She doesn't even take the effort to reach out to her son? At least explain to him what's going on from her side or if there's anything good from her side.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8670981
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 2:51 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

My son and I are getting together for the holiday. He still won't talk to his mom so I'm meeting him at one of his friends' houses for a barbecue on Sunday. So that's where things are.

I’d let her and your son work that out.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8671054
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rambler ( Member #43747) posted at 4:51 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Your attorney said he was going to ask for the moon. There will be tradeoffs.

making it through

posts: 1255   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 8671082
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TheEnd ( Member #72213) posted at 4:59 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

I used to negotiate for a living (not divorces).

The first offer is always everything and the kitchen sink.

It serves two purposes: to throw the other side in a tizzy and most importantly, to have things to "give away" so one appears to be reasonable even tho one never expected or even wanted those things.

Let your lawyer handle it. They know what they are doing

posts: 53   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8671084
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balbichi ( New Member #78736) posted at 3:53 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021

Any update on the divorce proceedings? how is the grey rocking going?

posts: 7   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2021
id 8675703
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 3:46 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

UPDATE: Divorce is going forward. We came to a mutually agreeable settlement. We both keep our retirement and personal property, I get the house and she won't have to pay alimony for the rest of my life. That is it in a nutshell and I am satisfied. She is not happy at all, but I think she understands it could have been far worse for her. She could have gotten stuck paying me alimony for life, as well as giving up half her equity in the house. So that is where we are at. Petition is being filed this week. My lawyer says if all goes well we should get a judgement in about 60 to 90 days.

The wife has been making herself scarce. She almost never comes home before 10:00 p.m. I assume she stays late at work and then goes to the gym, or she could be out with other men. I don't know and don't care. Every day gets better and I am happier now than I have been in a very very long time. When she and I do interact at the house, it is always short and in passing. We are like strangers who live on two separate sides of a duplex.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8676103
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asc1226 ( Member #75363) posted at 4:11 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

Glad to hear you’re happy with the settlement. It sounds like this is a big relief to you.

[This message edited by asc1226 at 1:21 PM, July 16th (Friday)]

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 370   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8676114
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

She is not happy at all,

With what?? That she has to pay anything other than "you keep your stuff; I keep mine, and we split everything else down the middle?"

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8676169
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 6:40 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

She wanted to sell the house and get some quick cash so she could make a down payment on another one. So now she has to save up for a down. She will be moving to an apartment while I get this big ol house to myself.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8676172
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grubs ( Member #77165) posted at 6:44 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

She is not happy at all,

With what??


She would prefer to be cake eating still. The D is going to be a scarlet letter on her in church and work. Outside of that, I'm sure she would have liked to have kept the house and had TWO pay alimony... Generally in a good compromise both parties are equally unhappy. That's where me and my Ex ended up. TWO had too many cards to play for that to be the case here.

posts: 740   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8676176
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 7:15 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

I have also been working out, have completely changed my wardrobe, and have grown a very full and thick greying beard which I keep nicely groomed. I'm also letting my hair grow long. I see the look on her face when she sees me on the few occasions we cross paths and it is like she's looking at a space alien.

I have also been getting a lot of attention from women. There is a particularly cute receptionist who works for an architect I deal with who has overtly expressed interest in me. I may just see where that path leads.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8676192
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Unsure2019 ( Member #71350) posted at 7:36 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

The Wronged One,

Great update. Glad this is working out so well for you. At one time you thought about exposing your WW and her AP to the company they both work for/with after your D was final. Any plans to do this?

posts: 204   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: California
id 8676196
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 7:46 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

I have also been working out, have completely changed my wardrobe, and have grown a very full and thick greying beard which I keep nicely groomed. I'm also letting my hair grow long. I see the look on her face when she sees me on the few occasions we cross paths and it is like she's looking at a space alien.

I suspect your aura has changed as well. That’s a chic magnet!

You’re in the about to get out of prison stage. From reading your thread it was a 10 year sentence. Enjoy your new life.

I’d suggest once everything is signed/complete block the X and her family on all communication. Your son is an adult so no need to keep that open.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8676199
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bluewater ( Member #9297) posted at 7:48 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

Very happy to hear that you are satisfied with the settlement and that you are doing well.

I know that he is out of the house and on his own but how is your son handling everything? Do you know what his relationship with his mother is like now and how it has been affected?

As for you? Onward and upward as you grow from strength to strength 💪

posts: 656   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2006
id 8676201
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rugswept ( Member #48084) posted at 7:57 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

Well, she wanted the checkout A and she got one.

After all she had punched her own ticket aboard the good bye choo choo.

And now it's really closing in with her going to her own place that isn't what she wanted and now when she sees the new you.... she's there thinkin'... oh no, ffffed up again.

Oh well.

There really is such a thing as karma as you can see. It doesn't end up the way it started.

[This message edited by rugswept at 1:58 PM, July 16th (Friday)]

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 956   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8676205
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