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"a reason to fight" the song and more

Shehawk posted 4/19/2021 15:32 PM

One of the songs that has helped me is the song "a reason to fight" by Disturbed.

I just wanted to thank the people in this group who have posted, weighed in, and given advice over the past over two years. It has been sould wrenchingly hard. But you have helped me so much. You have given me a reason to fight. You have helped me hang on so many times when I couldn't have without you.

This week is one of my hardest weeks. I have legal stuff I need to deal with. I need to find a car. (wh took both vehicles and put them in his name and physically took them) There is a lot I still am working on surviving.

Thanks for the group and to everyone who reached out.

BearlyBreathing posted 4/19/2021 19:55 PM

Sending strength- you can do this!!

Shehawk posted 4/19/2021 23:01 PM

Thanks Bearly!!!

The1stWife posted 4/20/2021 02:58 AM

Isnít he a peach taking both the cars (eye roll here).

Keep coming here for support. You got this!

Chaos posted 4/20/2021 06:24 AM

Both cars huh - he's a real prince isn't he?

Shehawk posted 4/20/2021 09:12 AM


Active unrepentant waywards have a lot of advantages in divorce..

For one they have a head start. And they know things we don't. They know the truth about what they did. They know what financial damage they did or plan.

In my case I don't have enough income to qualify to rent a place to live or afford a loan on a modest safe vehicle. I know people will say use the court to push back on this, but this is very costly legal fees wise and not always effective. Divorce divides what you have roughly in half or sometimes the betrayed gets an even worse deal. Sometimes better but I will likely get much worse since I didn't financially plan to divorce.

Also they have already crossed the line where they would hurt us and even risk killing us (risk of fatal stds, risk of trauma triggering suicide, risk of violence from unhinged ap or even potentially them). So for them to hurt us more is a walk they have already taken...familiar territory.

The court may not see this immediately or maybe not ever because they are good at putting their "I am a victim" spin on things. They may we'll get away with lies. My ws lived to me about his previous sexual history from the beginning and risked my life even then.

I have heard/read from other betrayed spouses that it is like a light switch and it can take awhile for the BS to realize that they are not dealing with a loving spouse who has their back.

Thank you to everyone who who has helped me escape the burning dumpster fire that was my marriage to a ws who doused the trash with gas, lit it on fire from a safe distance, and left me to die in the blaze. You have been the true good Samaritan's.

I am working on the debt, and getting a car and legal representation back today.

DanielJK posted 4/20/2021 09:36 AM


I wish you the best. This really sucks.

Sometimes the courts will actually help.

If you have not already, try the website of the court that has jurisdiction in your area.

They often have self help links or even court workers who can provide assistance for doing things on your own.

Where possible always defer to an attorney.

Sounds like he burned the dumpster, poured gasoline on the ashes then lit them again. Ahole.

Shehawk posted 4/20/2021 13:39 PM

Djk thanks for the website info.

He burnt up thousands of $$$ on needless endless unproductive not really negotiations too so I ran out ofendless uncapped $$$ for the attorney fees.

crazyblindsided posted 4/20/2021 13:43 PM

Sending positive thoughts your way hope you get your new car soon.

Shehawk posted 4/20/2021 13:48 PM

And Chaos seemingly he planned the whole thing out taking not just that but also not telling the court accurately what personal property he has in his possession, filling the truck with anything he wanted while I was gone from my deceased parents place while I was out shopping for a couple of things we needed a couple of years ago. ( Haven't seen him since. Have not verbally spoken to him since I called to ask him what he wanted me to bring back for dinner and he was already a state away gone.)
And prior to that he was apparently colluding with ap and other people in internet groups that included lawyers to set me up to take my inherited property and changing title on things to his name.

I am working on seeing if I can afford some trauma counseling to deal with this. This is some mind bending ugly stuff so thanks for the years you and other people have been there for me while I have been waking through this.

Karmafan posted 4/21/2021 01:19 AM

And prior to that he was apparently colluding with ap and other people in internet groups that included lawyers to set me up to take my inherited property and changing title on things to his name.

You just reminded me of my most recent ex bf who, after visiting my alive and well parents last summer, casually let out how we should sell their house when the time came, to build something more fitting for Ďhimí. Far too important apparently to be seen in a modest two bed semi. Dumped (almost) on the spot

Joking aside, it made me so mad to read this ^^^

What a prize asshole your ex is But in a way, the fact that heís been such a nasty POS, and the things he has tried to do and pull off, should ultimately make it easier for you to detach. There are so many stories on here of BS struggling to forgive their WS, even though these are remorseful and trying to make amends. They are stuck in limbo between their anger and hurt and their love for their spouses and a moral obligation to give them another chance. At least you are not faced with that dilemma. Your villain ex made sure of it.

Hang in there Shehawk. And by all means, find yourself a IC who specialises in trauma to help you go through the motions. Your ex might not have your back, but we SI folks do

[This message edited by Karmafan at 6:14 AM, April 21st (Wednesday)]

Shehawk posted 4/22/2021 12:39 PM


Love the name. Thanks for weighing in. You all have kept me going, helped balance my fear, and helped me continue to fight.

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