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How to Help With a Trigger

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GTeamReboot posted 4/16/2021 10:09 AM

Are you all riding together, or meeting there? My thoughts for each scenario...

If you’re riding together, use that stretch of road to have some really deliberate conversation with the new couple. “Hey, have you been to many games here? What do you do for a living? What is your favorite color? Tell me all about your childhood, please just start talking, about anything, so I can focus on you and go...”

If you will be alone I think I would have a playlist of fun sing out loud songs ready and cue it up and just make sure you’re distracted and laughing at that moment. And as it goes by it’s ok to cry and scream but then get back to singing and laughing.

I have found this to be true so many times. I spend so much emotional energy worrying about the day or potential trigger, when it comes it’s like ok that wasn’t so bad.

Have a great time! And have nachos. And a hot dog. All the things! You’ve got this.

ladyphoenix posted 4/16/2021 20:18 PM

I hope you had a great night at the game!

It always helps me when FWH acknowledges my feelings when we are approaching a trigger location. Also an apology for creating the trigger in the first place. Humble and heartfelt.

Sometimes a distracting conversation works, but more times than not it just irritates me. I tend to lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence.

It’s going to be hard. It will get easier. I don’t shake and cry like the first time now. But I also took him to most of the locations and cried and sobbed and let him see how broken they all made me feel. It was healing in a small way.

What did you end up getting? Ball park hot dogs are a favourite of mine!
Also, how did it go with the other couple. I have a hard time around other people now.

Underserving posted 4/17/2021 18:36 PM

I was pretty confident I was going to be just fine when we began the 45 minute drive. I had a song I wanted to play while we were passing the exit, and told my husband I was going to do a simple giving of the bird, and then continue singing the happy song I had chosen.

Unfortunately, it took a bigger toll on me than I was expecting. Seeing the 7-11 he’d stop at after leaving her apartment sometimes got me. Made me think about the bank statements showing he had been there the day after our anniversary. Then seeing it, actually seeing her apartment complex. I didn’t realize it was so visible from the interstate. So yeah, there was screaming and a lot of crying. Lots of “F you’s” and “I hate you’s” to buildings with my window rolled down looking like a complete psycho.

He pulled off the interstate and got me a tea and we talked about it for a few minutes. Just how hard that was for me. How difficult it is not to let the anger take over and say forget the whole thing. He did his best to be understanding and supportive. Then I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I wanted to play my happy song, and focus on having a good time the rest of the evening.

And ya know what?? I had a freaking blast! I had a hot dog, some cheese fries, and way overpriced beer. I really liked the friend and his wife, and enjoyed getting to know the wife a bit. The new stadium was really neat, and overall it was a lot of fun.

We went to a bar after and I stayed out way too late, drank way too much, but had a great time. Sucks hangovers in your 30s are not like hangovers in your 20s. 😂

Thanks for all the suggestions, and for those who thought about me yesterday! It really helped me to read the encouraging words before we headed that direction. Appreciate you guys!!

ETA we sat outside at the bar, and it wasn’t crowded at all. The tables were socially distanced. Before anyone yells at me.

[This message edited by Underserving at 7:50 PM, April 17th (Saturday)]

grubs posted 4/17/2021 21:59 PM

I'm glad for you and you husband. You deserved a great day.

GTeamReboot posted 4/18/2021 00:28 AM

That sounds like it went about as well as could be expected, including the most important part which was his ability to empathize and support.

Also, cheese fries are the best!!!

Also, hangovers in your 40’s are the worst.

Underserving posted 4/19/2021 09:42 AM

Thanks y’all! We’re expected to get more complimentary tickets from my husband’s company, so I’m glad to have gotten through the “first time.” Hopefully it gets easier each time. :)

Tanner posted 4/19/2021 09:58 AM

Glad to hear you had a great night. It’s sounds like you have a remorseful, supportive H and that’s a huge step in facing the triggers.

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