This all makes sense b/c Wayward spouses are lacking typically. I think in all cases they lack Character, first of all, but in addition to character, they are often lacking in other areas of their life.
The unfortunate thing about their lacking is, they don't really know or understand this from an emotional or psychological level. Many aren't even aware of this, which is what causes them to be on the search.
My WW just about 6 months prior to me finding out about her affair, asked me to have another baby. Thank HEAVENS I didn't go for it. B/C she may not have cheated right after the baby was born, but she probably would have some time later, and I'd be saddled with more years of alimony, CS and wasted more years of my life. She, my WW, was lost. She didn't know her whys' but she knew something was up, and she wasn't happy. So she was searching, and it was a baby that she thought could maybe make things better. Keep in mind, at the time that I caught her cheating, she bought a new car just 9 months earlier, I had a new car that was a bit over a year old, both of which were top of the line vehicles. We paid over asking for hers b/c it was a unique and sought after version.
We also had a brand new bathroom, new kitchen, new living area and furniture to go with it. I didn't have an issue with any of these things, as, I needed a new vehicle and we were doing extremely well financially. But the difference was, I was happy and content. I had no idea that she was not.She was reading books about happiness, tried new hobbies, trying to get me to try new hobbies.
She told me a bunch of horseshit afterwards about losing herself, and basically rewrote our history, but I was happy throughout. I was content. I grew up poor, so it didn't take much for me to be happy and content.
Her on the other hand, she grew up with more. Her mom would blow all sorts of money on her and her brother, but she was BPD, and that was her way of buying their love. I guess in the end, my WW had holes she needed to fill. Unfortunately for her, the AP in her case, although they're still together is not her answer to happiness. He is a serial cheater, and no doubt, he will be cheating on her, just like he did the 7 times prior.
Her family is a mess, and I'm glad to be away from it. I hope that I'm able to get my kids to be happy, and to learn to be content. We have things so good, its crazy. The worst thing that happened to me was the Affair, but now that we're Divorced, I'm back to my happy place. For my exes sake and for that of my kids, I'm hoping that she does find her happiness at some point. Its definitely within, and she also needs to build up her self esteem. Which by the way, the affair didn't helped out at all. If anything, that has to be crushing to someones self esteem after they get caught and the whole community now knows you're a cheater.
[This message edited by HalfTime2017 at 4:42 PM, April 7th (Wednesday)]