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Remembering Old Anniversaries

PSTI posted 3/10/2021 13:21 PM

I am kind of surprised that I am affected as much this year, honestly. I don't think I've thought much of my xH in a long time, other than in the occasional conversation with Kiddo. (xH lives in another country and hasn't seen Kiddo in person for nearly two years now and rarely calls him).

A couple of days ago would have been my twentieth wedding anniversary with xH. I was so young and full of hope, sure that we were smart and going to beat the odds against young marriages. We had a lovely destination wedding and at-home reception.

I am happily remarried now and would not take my xH back for anything. I know that my love life is much better now and that I have partners with whom I can be myself wholly. But a little part of me is sad that I will never reach those big wedding milestones with DH, simply because of age if nothing else.

It's kind of silly. I know intellectually that time doesn't mean a stronger or deeper connection, but part of me wishes that I'd have a shot at 50 or 60 years with DH so we could grow together like that. But if I had met DH when I was the age I met xH, we wouldn't have been good for each other, I know that. Plus then I wouldn't have my Kiddo.

I have more knowledge of myself now than I did at 18 when I met xH. I know I will continue to grow, but I have a much better handle on who I am and what I want, and how to handle issues- which means that my relationships are in a better place and have less conflict and more connection. I do not think that even if xH hadn't cheated and walked out, that I would have the deep connection with xH that is so important to me. I do have a strong and solid connection with DH, and working at growing it with DBF.

I guess part of me is just wistful that I'll never have the opportunity to see how my connection with DH would grow over that much time. I know that I love and appreciate him more with every passing year. I really know this time, that this is death do us part- we fit together like a lock and key. I know it couldn't have been any other way... but I guess I'll have to take quality over quantity.

Am I the only one who thinks things like this? I guess I still miss the innocence and being that young and thinking my whole life was ahead of me, too.

[This message edited by PSTI at 1:30 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

lieshurt posted 3/12/2021 07:45 AM


BearlyBreathing posted 3/12/2021 14:32 PM

My therapist actually told me that she broke down and cried 8 years after her divorce - that she wanted, no infidelity. This stuff just bubbles up periodically and we have to work through it.

You are totally normal. Glad you are getting the best revenge by living a wonderful life!

phmh posted 3/12/2021 18:22 PM

I relate to much of what you said. Everyone in my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents) had marriages that were truly until death do we part. I remember thinking on my wedding day (met at 20, married at 22) that I was lucky to have found love so early as we'd get to have a 50th wedding anniversary. I have friends who have been married over 60 years. I can never have that. Like you, I'm so happy to be away from WXH but I wish I would have been smarter about picking my life partner when I was young. I'm very happy with my current life but if I could make my life exactly how I want it, it would be my current life with an honorable life partner from a young age.

PSTI posted 3/12/2021 21:35 PM

Thank you. It does help to hear I'm not alone.

AnnieOakley posted 3/13/2021 01:11 AM

I’ve been divorced since late‘14. My 30th would be the end of this month.

CV19 and the isolation is really taking it’s toll on me finally. I did pretty well “the first year” of it. But literally everything is causing me extreme emotions lately, including old memories.


CoderMom posted 3/31/2021 22:10 PM

I don't believe you are the only one who wanted to hit those milestones in your marriage. I know I did also, but I have been married and divorced now twice and the last one I divorced almost 16 years ago.

I am young enough to be able to have another great marriage, but health issues are creeping up on me and I am not sure I have as many years left as I would like, and I have not yet found the man who would say yes to me. It's difficult accepting that you may never get your dream of a wonderful husband. I am trusting GOD for that special man to come along, but Biblically speaking, that is not one of the promises in the Bible.

So I definitely understand where you are coming from and empathize with you.

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