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A sex question from BS (oral v penetrative)

Bulcy posted 2/5/2021 12:15 PM

Not related to affairs, but inside the marriage.

A graphic question (maybe)......

I prefer to climax during penetrative sex over oral sex. Often during oral sex I will want to move to penetration to climax, both from a physical stimulation point of view and from a closeness/connection point of view. BS asked if this was "different" from other guys out there. It seems through movies and media that climax through oral sex is the "holy grail" of male expectations. I really don't feel this. Don't get me wrong, it's nice, but without a doubt I prefer us to be close and connected when I climax.

Am I alone?

Sorry for the personal level of this question.

foreverlabeled posted 2/5/2021 12:48 PM

No I don't think you are alone. My partners have typically enjoyed that over oral climax.

Like you said its all well and good, but then when isn't a climax nice.

Perhaps head is seen as the "holy grail" because so many women are portrayed as not liking to give oral sex? And maybe at one point in time it was seen as taboo and not so freely given? Its hard to progress in thought.

This has just been my experience as a female.

grubs posted 2/5/2021 12:55 PM

Yeah. TMI inbound.
I'll second your view. I have to work at it mentally to climax orally where I don't with PIV. It feels great and all, but too passive on my part to get me there. Or something else going on mentally that I haven't really poked at much. I get there on occasion because giving BJs is a big turn on for her. Most of the time the BJs goes on until she has her climax then I finish with PIV.

JanaGreen posted 2/5/2021 17:36 PM

I'm sitting next to my partner and I would ask him, but there are three kids in this room as well.

But based on what he's told me in the past, what grubs said about having to work harder mentally seems to be the case. Also he told me he prefers to finish with PIV because that's generally what gets me to climax (in that regard, as a woman I know I'm an outlier).

Bulcy posted 2/6/2021 03:52 AM

I agree 100% that having my wife climax as well is what I love about PIV. When this happens at the same time it is incredible. Thanks for the open responses. Jana, maybe when the kids are out of the room you can ask? 😄

oldtruck posted 2/6/2021 08:38 AM

all orgasms feel great.

PIV feels that you are both giving and getting fulfillment at
the same time.

oral means that the receiver needs to do something in return
to not be seen as selfish. that does not mean every time. Some
times the wife can just be the taker. it is not about keeping
score but keeping each other happy.

As to which way feels better does not matter because there is
no universal best way to have an orgasm. Some people love
anal. Me, the thought does nothing. Does not make anal bad
or the people that do anal bad.

Maybe the thought just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

DanielJK posted 2/6/2021 09:24 AM

I'm with you 100%.

sisoon posted 2/6/2021 13:34 PM

Oh, Jana, just use your creativity.

Real sex is rarely depicted accurately on the screen.

Even if orgasm by mouth is the holy grail for every man and woman who has ever lived except you, I think you are entitled to be who you are.

Is your W talking about what she likes and pretending to herself it's what you want?

Is she afraid she's not enough in some respects. (Of course, she'd be unique if she doesn't feel some insecurity.)

I have not had the opportunity to compare the 2 options. I know, however, that I can pretty easily live without oral, but PIV is still such a strong desire that it is almost a need. (I'm 76, so my abilities have waned, but I've always thought oral is great, but PIV is ...um... holy and sublime.)

JoshQ posted 2/6/2021 19:48 PM

No bro, you're definitely not alone.
To be honest, oral climax feels really good, but in a really weird way. It feels much better and the climax lasts longer during penetration, atleast in my opinion. haha

JanaGreen posted 2/6/2021 22:45 PM

Update: he read the OP and agrees with you.

hikingout posted 2/8/2021 13:48 PM

I think that's common.

I would maybe get underneath the question, she may be asking that out of insecurity with her "skills". Suss that out. Especially if you did finish that way with AP. I have a similar issue/concern. I am hearing him when he says it's different when you don't really care about the connection. But at the same time I feel like maybe sometimes that animal thing taking over might be something missing, and that it doesn't always have to be about a connection just because you are married.

I don't know if that makes sense to you or not, but knowing the conversations we have had about that and how hard it is to press forward with the questions...it sounds more to me like it's a veiled question but I could be projecting.

JanaGreen posted 2/8/2021 23:08 PM

I thought the same thing, hikingout. I even remarked to my partner, while asking him, that it seems like a simple question but there's a lot of pain behind it.

Bulcy posted 2/9/2021 01:20 AM

Hikingout, you're absolutely right. We discuss sex and insecurities around it a lot. Oral sex was and still is a trigger, but one we are working on.

This specific question came about during a conversation about how I would rather PIV over oral. BS seemed surprised that I felt like this and asked if I were "normal" in this view. I have not had a conversation with friends (sensibly) discussing oral sex, so I reached out to you guys.

We spoke this morning about your response and agree that you are correct about the insecurity behind sex and will discuss further this evening.

Once again guys, thanks for responding. I'm actually interested to see if there is anyone who disagrees.

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