Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Just Found Out :
Wife of 20 yrs caught cheating

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 CM70 (original poster member #76077) posted at 3:15 PM on Monday, June 7th, 2021

Thanks Robert, I have only seen the WW's Sister a couple of times in the last 6 months at family functions. I have not called her or talked to her directly. She is her younger Sister and worships the ground my WW walks on, so I have no plans on talking to her. Yes my WW definitely wants to be single again & that is fine by me. This is something I never wanted, but there is no way I can ever trust her again. She is in for a rude awakening of how easy her life was as I took care of everything.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8665564
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 3:24 PM on Monday, June 7th, 2021

Let her future issues be her problem. The thing you need to understand is she doesn’t care.

My sister was a wayward and she never got it.

posts: 6623   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8665565
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 4:08 PM on Monday, June 7th, 2021

CM70,

Sounds like you're on the right path.

Grey Rock? Check

Bulldog Attorney? Check

It should be interesting to see how your WW's mother reacts to the Tuesday meeting. Earlier, you wrote

I received a call from my Mother in Law concerning my WW. My WW had not talked to her in a month because she was mad at her mother for telling her she is screwing up and going to lose her family. My WW proceeded to tell my Mother in Law not to send her texts, not to call her unless it has to do with our kids and not to send her anything via FB messenger. The WW also told her not to give her advice on the friends she has been hanging out with (All multi-divorced women) and that she will hang out with whomever she wants. My M in law is pretty religious and was sending my WW uplifting messages and some religious stuff that my wife did not want to hear or see. My WW also said she is working on the marriage in her "own way", whatever the F that means. My Mother in Law called me and told me this and said she wants to do this to me, she is dead to me!

It should also be interesting to see how she spins NOT addressing the issues you raised and frequent GNOs without her wedding ring as "working on the marriage". Regardless, don't let her re-write your marriage history. If it comes up in the future and she has tried or tries to blame the marriage, set them straight.

[This message edited by BlueRaspberry at 1:24 PM, June 7th (Monday)]

posts: 219   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8665577
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 5:09 PM on Monday, June 7th, 2021

I have been following your story over the last several months. It seemed that there was hope, initially, but unfortunately, things have not panned out. It sounds like you are ready to move on implementing what has to be done. I found divorcing my ex-WW to be a liberating experience. It wasn't fun being single again, but it beat living with a cheating, lying, backstabber. I eventually found a much better existence. You will too. I wish you the best in your journey. When you are ready, go find a woman of character, but be careful of bounding too quickly with someone who isn't right for you.

posts: 417   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8665591
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Sufi22 ( new member #75842) posted at 5:35 PM on Monday, June 7th, 2021

So sorry to hear your update. Been following your post from the beginning, and like others, I had hopes your wife would come to see and take responsibility for her own behavior. It sounds like you are on the right path and I wish you continued strength to move ahead.

D-day: Aug 3 2018
BH-60 WW-50s
M 21 years
WW had 2 year EA(maybe PA) and 1 year ongoing contact during Covid
1 DD
Trying to R

posts: 8   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2020
id 8665596
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:01 AM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

So sorry brother for the shit show. You couldn’t do anything more to help her.

At the end of your marriage she is just another selfish cheater.

What did she say about you bumping into AP?

Strength as you move forward. Take care of yourself and the children. One day at a time.

Buffer

Buffer

posts: 1192   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8666012
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redwing6 ( member #72593) posted at 1:55 AM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

CM70, your WSTBXW is in for a rude awakening in the dating market.

"No Generalizations"

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:39 PM, June 10th (Thursday)]

BH 58,
WW #2 D'd after 6month EA who scammed her out of our life savings
WW #1 51 since remaired twice continues to cheat even today
WW #2 Refuses to admit she wrecked our marriage
DD adult 32
DSD adult 33
DSS adult 30

posts: 248   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2020   ·   location: Savannah, GA
id 8666043
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rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 10:27 AM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

She has decided to live her life as a trash girl. Her future is being pick up stuff who loves the kibbles and thinks, finally, the one! Then, she's party sex stuff until the next one starts up. That's her future along with her troop of multi divorcee wayward types.

[This message edited by rugswept at 4:28 AM, June 9th (Wednesday)]

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 957   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8666087
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 CM70 (original poster member #76077) posted at 2:14 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

Thanks Everyone for the support! Buffer to answer your question she never said a word about the AP & my encounter. I did enjoy scaring him, but I will not waste anymore time with that POS.

I heard from the Mother in Law yesterday that her Sister & her had a meeting yesterday and told her parents we were headed for D. The M in Law said the STBXWW had nothing but great things to say about me and that I did not deserve what she has put me through and cried the entire time. My Father-in-Law I guess ripped into her about her life choices & how it was going to effect our kids. (he picks them up everyday after school, & they really love him)

Anyway we have pretty much agreed on terms of custody 50/50, her child support amount, division of assets etc. The last hurdle is just concerning my 401K which I told her don't think of touching it or we are going to have problems. She has an OK pension but is realizing her lifestyle is going to take a major hit. My cash flow is going to actually improve (even with child support). I am not going to have to pay for all the crap she bought, clothes, house stuff we didn't need, hair, makeup, nails expensive bar bills, concert tix, eating out all the time etc.

I am actually contemplating starting a small side business with the extra time I will have when the kids are with her. Hoping to grow it to a full time business and get away from the job I currently have. I am now down 25lbs since DD and I am going to get a trainer to get my body where I want it to be. I really wish I could buy a house right now but will have to wait until we go through the D hurdles. I have a trip coming up with my boy at the end of the month flying into Miami and we are going to drive the Keys and do some fishing & diving for a week. The plan is to tell the kids of everything that has gone down after this trip is over & him & I are back in town. This will be the really hard part for me, love my kids to death just going to be hard for awhile. Plan on getting them counseling once they have had a chance to process everything. I am actually feeling pretty excited for this next chapter in my life...

[This message edited by CM70 at 8:25 AM, June 9th (Wednesday)]

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8666111
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 4:02 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

CM70,

Glad to see your cash flow will actually improve after the D. Even better, the side business idea sounds great.

Your STBXW is going to have a rude awakening once the financial, emotional, and social reality sets in. After a year or two of clubbing with the toxic friends, she's going to start to realize her choices were pretty horrible. By that time, you'll be long gone.

How long do you expect the D to take so you can buy your new house?

posts: 219   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8666139
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 4:10 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

CM70, your stbxww has taken the path of least resistance since she began her affair. Her attempt to escape the discomfort of dealing with her issues is going to be rewarded with the loss of respect from her family and a substantial downgrade in lifestyle, not to mention losing a faithful husband. Unless she’s stupid or delusional she’s probably well aware of this. Some people just can’t bear to face the consequences until their life consists of little else but consequences.

The only good news is that outside of the effects on your kids you’re on your way to this shitshow not being your problem anymore.

You might want to have a plan for what to tell your son if he asks what’s going on during your vacation.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 370   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8666143
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 CM70 (original poster member #76077) posted at 4:27 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

BlueRas,

Yes always wanted to start a business but the WW was always in my ear about the risk & time away. She is already swimming in the thoughts of dealing with the financial implications as well as how many of our mutual friends will most likely cut ties with her. At this point I almost feel sorry for the buzz saw she has coming at her. I just hope she can keep her shit together for my kids. Her real problems are in the mirror & have nothing to do with me.

I think the fastest the D could possibly go is 3-4 months but this is all new to me. The good thing is I now have a path out and look forward to re-starting some of my old hobbies and doing things I want to do versus appeasing someone else's selfishness.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8666149
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 9:39 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

Have you gotten the financial terms & child custody agreement with your wife reduced to writing? If not, you're at risk for her to turn on you.

posts: 2413   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8666227
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 CM70 (original poster member #76077) posted at 9:56 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

Robert, working on getting everything in writing with my lawyer.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8666234
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 5:32 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

CM70-

Congrats on getting to this next stage in the infidelity shit show.

Just think, back in Nov/Dec. you were just finding out of the betrayal, never thought you'd find yourself here and really didn't even want to D your WW.

On her side, she was so juiced to have found someone who "got her", and was the love of her life. You, you were the good husband, father figure, provider, but she found her true WUV. You called it back then, Bridges to Madison COunty, a movie script, but like so many WW's, they get swept up into this emotional love cloud from a player who was just looking to get into their panties.

Good on you for making it this far. 7 months and you're on your way out. Last year was a shit year for you, finding out about your wife cheating, your sisters cancer getting worst, being passed on for the VP job. By Nov. this year, this will have all been resolved, and you will be moving on. YOu didn't think it was possible back then, but 6 months later, you're looking forward to a new life on your own, and the possibility when you're ready of a better life with someone who will truly love you.

Your WW on the other hand, she got what she wished for. She now gets to explore this potential love of her life, and I wouldn't discount the fact that she may go running to him at some point in the future, but that's not your problem now. She use to say that you only cared about money, worked to much and didn't pay her enough attention. Look who has now gone to worry and care about money? That's right, the WW. Oh how the tables have turned.

Good luck to you CM70, really. This site has been a tremendous help to me during my journey, and if you look back at your own, you will see that everyone has always been routing for and the others that come here for help. You're going to be able to move on to better things, and make no mistake, a solid father figure, with a good career at 51 is going to be able to find that there are many 40 year old ladies chomping at the bit to take your WW's place. Your WW on the other hand, 1 yrs after the start of her affair is now starting to see just the opposite unless she's a hot piece of ass. 2 kids, nearing 50, no career, a cheater who is going to have lower self esteem. Prospects for her aren't going to be the same. She may spend the next couple of years running around, but being a bar chick at 50???? man, that's going to SUCK.

Have a great trip with your son out to FL, tight lines and may the wind be at your back as you continue this journey to wrap up this part of your past.

posts: 1149   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8666403
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 CM70 (original poster member #76077) posted at 7:55 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

Thanks Half Time,

You are right on all points. I am ready to put this in my rearview mirror and get on with the rest of my life. I am going to especially enjoy from afar the realization that there was a reason I was focused when it came to my career & finances. If I didn't worry about those things who was, definitely not her! I just paid a $5,400 credit card bill from the last month and I would say 70% of the charges are hers. I am not going to miss being the "bank" for her anymore.

Really good news on my Sister, she is currently cancer free and is doing well. She is actually in Cancun with all her kids & grandkids right now so I am very grateful for that. My 51st Bday is coming up soon and I may not be a spring chicken but I have allot of life left to live. I appreciate everyone's support & input on this board it really helped me more than any book or counselor could. People that have lived through or are going through what I have are the only ones who can really give sage advice on how to deal with a cheater.

[This message edited by CM70 at 2:00 PM, June 10th (Thursday)]

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8666446
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 8:27 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

CM70,

Great news about your sister! You've weathered the worst year of your life and come out the other end smelling like a rose.

Once you've filed (perhaps even sooner) you should make sure you each have separate credit cards and she is paying all of her own credit card bills. The divorce settlement should stipulate that she is responsible for all her own credit card (or other) debt as of the divorce filing date or whatever date your lawyer believes is appropriate. You don't need her running up debt prior to the divorce that you end up being responsible for...

[This message edited by BlueRaspberry at 4:58 PM, June 10th (Thursday)]

posts: 219   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8666450
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lieshurt ( Moderator #14003) posted at 11:36 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

Redwing6 you have a pm.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22324   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 8666504
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:34 AM on Friday, June 11th, 2021

CM70, I'm so glad to here about your sister being cancer free. That is wonderful.

You're almost 51. I was 51 when my XWW started committing adultery. I so wish I would have known and pulled the plug then. I lost so many years. I think you are in a prime position to accomplish whatever you want to do going forward.

Be good to yourself. Remember what you've learned about relationships and people. You, sir, have a fine future in front of you however you want it to be, I believe.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8666548
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Lurkster ( new member #77252) posted at 5:47 AM on Friday, June 11th, 2021

@CM70,

While there’s no indication AP is in the picture, I find it highly likely he would be the first place she goes for ‘closure’ after you are officially separated. With that said, you should make sure your kids know AP’s name to make sure she can’t go legit with him after the D.

posts: 26   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2021   ·   location: CA
id 8666568
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