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He contacted me again...

crazyblindsided posted 12/18/2020 13:14 PM

Thank god I have therapy today. I hate when he contacts me. I will not respond as it doesn't pertain to the kids rather his own emotions.

Just texted me "Don't think I'll ever get over losing you outta my life... just devastated every morning I wake up."

The empath in me feels sorry for him (why?! I wish I felt nothing). The other side of me remembers how badly he emotionally abused me and how many mornings I woke up feeling bulldozed. I still have mornings that I wake up feeling blah because it is surreal to be on my own after being with him 1/4 of my life.

I have nightmares every single night because of him. I just had one last night where we were back together and I kept saying I don't want to be back here. I never wanted to get back together again. So weird then his text this morning

My mind ruminates and now it is going to take probably this whole day to stop thinking about it. I hate this. I wish he would not contact me like this.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:15 PM, December 18th (Friday)]

leafields posted 12/18/2020 13:51 PM

The empath in me feels sorry for him (why?! I wish I felt nothing)

Cuz that's what empath's do. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you'll feel less sorry for him and realize that it's a power grab. He's trying to control you & wants to get an emotional response from you.

My kids are grown, so I don't have to deal with the extra layer of complexity. But, we'll probably file our 2020 taxes together because it's easier to deal with the sale of the house that way. I only text for business related questions, like divorce paperwork, etc.

It does get better. Next month, I'll have the 1-year mark of living on my own. It did take some adjusting because we'd been together for so long. Finally, in October I realized that I'm happy & content - haven't felt that in years.

Chili posted 12/18/2020 18:23 PM

Don't think I'll ever get over losing you outta my life... just devastated every morning I wake up.

Even after all my business was settled with assclown, he used to try and dump this kind of shit on me.

Go ahead and feel sorry for him. Pity him. Like you would any other generalized human who carves a swath of destruction behind them.

If it helps, I used to dissect these kinds of little tidbits to see if there was any true humility or likewise empathy for what he did to me.

So let's look at yours.

Losing you out of my life.

Is that what really happened? Or did he fuck it all up? Did the "losing" fairy just fly by and drop a curse on him?

My life. I'll. I wake up.

Yep, still all about him. Probably does suck to be him. But what about what he did to you and your family? I don't see any ownership here.

To me (and I'm a little salty this week) - this is a big old pity party. It takes practice, but I remember getting to the point where I just laughed at shit like this from assclown. Well, for a very short time because I had the luxury of blocking his new number completely.

How did therapy go?

Justsomeguy posted 12/18/2020 19:01 PM

Where are you in his text, other than functioning as axreflective surface. He made it all about him. Remember that. To him, you exist as a thing that has a function.

I told my STBXWW that I always felt like a tool kept in a drawer, only pulled out when it was needed, and then quickly put back.

skeetermooch posted 12/19/2020 08:22 AM

CBS, my STBX regularly sends these kinds of missives and it kills me as an empath also. Maybe once the ink is dry on the D they'll stop or they'll get tired of trying if we consistently don't respond. When I do try to say something validating or encouraging back to him he usually flips to rage pretty quickly anyway.

Sorry he ruined your day. Maybe you should block him when he doesn't have the kids so you don't have to deal these messages at least part of the time? Or trust the kids will let you know if they need you with their own phones and block him all of the time!

The1stWife posted 12/19/2020 18:19 PM

Iím assuming he really feel soooo badly about Losing you but not enough to actually do anything about it ólike stop cheating.

Too bad he didnít write heís sorry to have lost you DUE TO HIS POOR CHOICES AND CHEATING etc.

nekonamida posted 12/19/2020 20:09 PM

Is that what really happened? Or did he fuck it all up? Did the "losing" fairy just fly by and drop a curse on him?


It helps to think of this when you get these texts:

If you keep reminding yourself that this is the choice that he made, the empathy and guilt will lessen. YOU did not choose this for him and in fact did everything possible to encourage and guide him to a different future. Not your fault he wanted to keep being cruel and abusive towards you knowing it would result in you running for the hills.

skeetermooch posted 12/20/2020 10:35 AM

Love the graphic!

All the while sobbing and saying these things for the last year+ my ex never stopped seeing hookers, hitting on co-workers and constantly using webcams and phone sex and he never got serious about recovery. It's a split personality thing going on with these guys. Crocodile tears.

crazyblindsided posted 12/20/2020 10:44 AM

How did therapy go?

I love my therapist he is diving deep into my childhood and how it parallels my feelings and reactions to my STBX. It is helping me not to stay stuck and ruminate on all the dumb things my STBX says.

Justsomeguy Iím never in his text itís always about him and how it makes him feel. Heís hopeless.

Nekonameda lol that graphic is my STBX I canít stop laughing at it. I gotta save it to look at everytime he texts me

skeetermooch yeah what is with the split personality thing? Me and my mom have a running joke where sheíll ask who is he today Dr Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.

Bigger posted 12/20/2020 11:05 AM

If you want to really f@ck him up and maybe even send him to therapy then send him this:

Could you please stop sending me texts like this. It's making Julio all jealous. He thinks I'm cheating!

crazyblindsided posted 12/21/2020 10:39 AM

Bigger omg that would send him into crazyville lol he has already been accusing me of seeing other people and he's the one who is seeing other people.

demolishedinside posted 12/30/2020 08:14 AM

Bigger, at times like this, Iím wanting that ďlikeĒ button on SI.

Hey, friend. You know the drill. Been there, done that. He does not deserve your pity for choices heís made and what heís done to you and your kids. Look at how far youíve come. Remember when we didnít think we could leave? Look at us now? Yep. Stronger. We are pretty damn awesome. Keep at it. You are amazing. Reach out if you need me. ❤️

crazyblindsided posted 1/7/2021 12:35 PM

I'm just going to post in this post every time he contacts me...

Yesterday he texted me about his sister who he is estranged from. I recently saw her as she wanted to give me a Christmas gift and establish contact with me so she can see the kids.

STBX said that she reached out to him to wish him a Happy New Year and told him about her new car. Also wondered if I had spoken to her (my kids told him I met with her so he knows I have been in contact with her). She lives off their mom's social security and other money and STBX is upset that she got a new car (and rightfully so) but it is not my circus not my moneys. I did not respond. His contact still causes me anxiety and I felt guilt at not acknowledging his text even though I know it was the right thing to do.

Anyways just venting because every time he texts me it seems to set me back.

skeetermooch posted 1/7/2021 13:01 PM

Oh, I know that guilty feeling when we don't respond to their texts. I think that's the old politeness training from childhood - "Don't be rude!" It's so ingrained, that it's even hard to rude to a man who gave me PTSD and abused me - great training.

You're rocking it. It's getting easier for me finally but man was it hard just a few weeks ago even.

crazyblindsided posted 1/7/2021 14:40 PM

"Don't be rude!" It's so ingrained, that it's even hard to rude to a man who gave me PTSD and abused me - great training.

So true. My Ex could give a rat's ass about how I feel or how I am affected by anything but here I am worrying about it

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