Newest Member: faithfulMan911

Just Found Out :
Just found out mid July

Topic is Sleeping.
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Kaliber ( Member #74046) posted at 10:10 AM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Smillie:

The guy doesn't sound like a very good muslim. While polygamy is maybe accepted in Islam I am fairly positive that adultery is forbidden. He is a horrible person and your wife is too. I hope you can get yourself out of infidelity and away from these two forever.

Exactly what I was thinking, adultery is forbidden and one of the biggest sins in Islam and if your are married it's even worse, for what I can confirm it's a crime and severely punishable by law, if you live in a Muslim country he will be screwed big time!

Expose him to his wife, burn that dude, he should have kept his dick to his wife!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 4:11 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

You don't have a choice of being a victim, but you always have a choice of remaining one!

posts: 145   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Germany
id 8582621
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Gibraltar ( New Member #74935) posted at 10:31 AM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

So I'll ask again - which country are you guys from?

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020
id 8582626
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Smillie ( Member #51537) posted at 10:36 AM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

.

[This message edited by Smillie at 4:37 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

posts: 470   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2016   ·   location: Scotland
id 8582629
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DBFool2019 ( Member #72288) posted at 1:51 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

- we didn’t want to waste all the years we’ve already been together given what the dating world is like today

Did she seriously say this to you? Didn't you "waste" 18 years in celibacy as her husband? For real??

posts: 124   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2019
id 8582692
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 Awoken (original poster New Member #75302) posted at 2:41 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

DBFool2019 - yesshe said that but it was before the affair was 100% confirmed by me

Scrambledbrain - as sad and almost funny as it is at the same time, you hit the nail on the head

Btw all I will say regarding location is we are in North America

With respect to him being a bad Muslim, he is a “selective” Muslim, what he is doing is wrong and when he started it he was single but she was not - I fault her first and foremost. He also drinks alcohol and smokes from time to time.

This is also his 2nd marriage as his first marriage story is insanity to even talk about - like something out of a movie.

I have also narrowed down the list of people who could be his wife to only 3.

[This message edited by Awoken at 8:42 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

posts: 35   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2020
id 8582711
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 3:11 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Ah, selective in certain areas that suite him.

Expose to all, including his Muslim brothers.

One day at a time

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8582748
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nekonamida ( Member #42956) posted at 3:40 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Awoken, I think you've got a great handle on the situation. I will caution you that meeting up in person to break up is almost always ONE or MORE of the following:

- A final good bye sexual tryst

- A final reminiscing of good times

- An opportunity to say "good bye for now" and "wait for me"

- An opportunity to plan an exit to the BS's marriage

- An opportunity to take the A further underground with a burner phone, an email address/social media account you don't know about, etc.

Since she plans on meeting up with him, plan on D'ing her for good. Otherwise, you're allowing her to AT MINIMUM get one good bye tryst in with your permission and no one wants that.

posts: 4956   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8582779
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 Awoken (original poster New Member #75302) posted at 4:00 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Nekonamida - I think you are right

I just got off the phone with her and it wasnt good. I questioned her about something I think she lied about and she had a plausible answer ready to which I said she always has an answer - she didnt like that. She said just because she cant prove it doesnt mean she isnt telliing the truth. Then she flipped it and asked how do I know you deleted all the recordings like you said you did? I replied that remember you are the one who is untrustworthy here.

She asked why am I bringing this up, I thought you wanted to reconcile and this doesnt help. She started to blameshift and said I needed to go get professional help.

I said hold on, you are the cause of this and now you dont want to hear any of it? The reason I have these thoughts and feeings are as a result of your actions.

She didnt want to hear it and hung up on me.

I cant believe what a cold, callous, manipulative bitch she is. How did I not see this before?

[This message edited by Awoken at 10:03 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

posts: 35   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2020
id 8582795
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Tigersrule77 ( Member #47339) posted at 4:07 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Awoken, your WW is showing you that she is not a candidate for R. I hope you are listening.

You should start the 180 and detach. Yes, D will bring a lot of changes to your life and may be scary, but for most, as you find out the details and learn the realities of D, it becomes much less so. Also, you can begin to focus on your life after D, and start to look forward to a future with a lying cheater as a partner.

posts: 1511   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8582800
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Stinger ( Member #74090) posted at 4:16 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

She has a personality disorder, most likely. Anyone that can do this for 18 years is, quite clearly, incredibly dishonest

posts: 697   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2020
id 8582807
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 Awoken (original poster New Member #75302) posted at 4:18 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

At one point in the last few years one of the kids confided in me that they think she is bi-polar.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2020
id 8582809
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baller20 ( Member #75093) posted at 5:11 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Nekonamida - I think you are right

I just got off the phone with her and it wasnt good. I questioned her about something I think she lied about and she had a plausible answer ready to which I said she always has an answer - she didnt like that. She said just because she cant prove it doesnt mean she isnt telliing the truth. Then she flipped it and asked how do I know you deleted all the recordings like you said you did? I replied that remember you are the one who is untrustworthy here.

She asked why am I bringing this up, I thought you wanted to reconcile and this doesnt help. She started to blameshift and said I needed to go get professional help.

I said hold on, you are the cause of this and now you dont want to hear any of it? The reason I have these thoughts and feeings are as a result of your actions.

She didnt want to hear it and hung up on me.

I cant believe what a cold, callous, manipulative bitch she is. How did I not see this before?

This is classic manipulative behaviour. She wants you to back off and stop confronting her.

It's great that you have started to see through her. Fight back man, don't let her get her way. Share with your family and friends who she is, don't let her keep you isolated. Exposing her will destroy her agenda. Do it.

"Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsaxdFDAGik

posts: 56   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2020
id 8582835
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Mene ( Member #64377) posted at 6:07 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

No sex for 18 years?!?!?!

Yeah, ummmm... right. Trying to move on from that thought. Dude, WTF?

And why isn’t she giving you the name of the asshole’s wife? She’s protecting him. Blow the fucker’s world right up!

Insist she give you the name in 24 hours otherwise you initiate divorce proceedings. And carry out that threat if she doesn’t come to the party.

There are times you read scenarios on this forum and think it couldn’t be much worst for someone. And then you read this story! 18 years?!?! Extraordinary. She’s a nasty person. No remorse. Still lying. What’s to save here apart from the illusion you created of her in your head?

[This message edited by Mene at 12:08 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

Life wasn’t meant to be fair...

posts: 826   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2018   ·   location: Cyberland
id 8582872
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Robert22205https ( Member #65547) posted at 6:15 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

You have a very powerful weapon in 'exposing' her.

Inform her that she either cooperates or you will immediately expose her.

posts: 2408   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
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 Awoken (original poster New Member #75302) posted at 6:25 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

So I get home and am cold towards her and we continue the blow up. She continues to state that if it wasn’t for my behaviour in the past, it never would have driven her to the affair. It just “happened”.

I said “just happened” is walking down the street and tripping on something, not continuously doing something.

I told her she keeps blaming me for it but she never takes responsibility for it. She said she did take responsibility and she apologized for it when it came out (and apparently once apologized for it, it should be in the past and quickly move on).

She then started smiling, came up to me gave me a hug a few kisses and told me she loves me. Then she left but didn’t tell me where she was going.

WTF?

[This message edited by Awoken at 12:26 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

posts: 35   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2020
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 6:41 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Good god, man; she is nuts!

And desperately scrambling too:

Then she flipped it and asked how do I know you deleted all the recordings like you said you did?

Oh I'll BET she wants those gone. Please make sure these are in a safe deposit box where she can't get to them to destroy them. These recordings are gold, especially when it comes to exposing this whole mess to the OBS.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8624   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8582911
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notanotherchance ( Member #46677) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

She then started smiling, came up to me gave me a hug a few kisses and told me she loves me. Then she left but didn’t tell me where she was going.

She is off to do what ever she wants with no interference from you.

You need to file & serve her like yesterday, separate all finances. No need for STD tests as you haven't had sex with your WW for 18 years (still shaking my head over that one). There is nothing that says R with your WW. Not in her actions, not in her words...Nothing

The next time she moves in for a hug or some other form of soft intimacy tell her no thanks.

posts: 582   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2015   ·   location: Overseas
id 8582914
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Sharkman ( Member #56818) posted at 6:56 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Awoken -

Just remember that you can't argue with crazy. There isn't anything YOU can be doing right now with regards to what happens to the marriage. All of you can do is forge ahead and keep your nose clean.

posts: 1716   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2017
id 8582923
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Stinger ( Member #74090) posted at 7:39 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

Agree, nuttier than a fruitcake. Geezer, my man, how did you stand it all those years. Better look into that. But, first th things first. GTFO.

posts: 697   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2020
id 8582945
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baller20 ( Member #75093) posted at 8:18 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

She then started smiling, came up to me gave me a hug a few kisses and told me she loves me. Then she left but didn’t tell me where she was going.

You must realize that you don't know this toxic and covert aggressive person so don't be like WTF. She knows this behavior causes confusion and puts you off balance. There is a lot of “mean-sweet” or “nice-nasty” cycles in emotional abuse. You should learn how that shit works.

"Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsaxdFDAGik

posts: 56   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2020
id 8582967
Topic is Sleeping.
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