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Decided to move on. What's next?

ColdChickenNugge posted 7/27/2020 00:37 AM

I am divorcing my wife who has cheated throughout our marriage. Luckily, we had no kids or property together. I am still dealing with the pain of the affair and our split. Fortunately, I'm getting better thanks to therapy, books, and family support. Unfortunately, I have to move back in with my Mom and step-Dad. They are awesome, but I truly valued being in my own space. Since being on my own, I've got accustomed to inviting friends over whenever, cooking whatever I wanted, and following my own rules.

My family are telling me to use this time to save as much as possible for a house down payment. However, that will be a very lengthy process. Also, I'm not sure if I can afford a nice home in my desired areas at the moment.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would make more sense to just rent for now. I'd be able to be back on my own in a couple of months that way. Obviously I'm not thinking of dating right now, but I will eventually. I'm not sure how women would feel about me still living with my parents. What do you suggest?

Ichthus posted 7/27/2020 01:44 AM

Whatever the hell you want!!!

Ichthus posted 7/27/2020 01:47 AM

Seriously though, Take some time for yourself. If family are good listeners then use them to vent and get anger out. This shit is hard to get through, but you will eventually be glad that you cut ties and moved on. It still may take a few years to get over but in the meantime... work on bettering yourself. Do things you always thought about doing. Get involved in things you wanna try and go out and meet new people. Exercise, volunteer, use social media apps to find people with similar interest.

Your world can now be whatever you want it to be.

travels posted 7/27/2020 06:25 AM

Moving back in with my parents was tough. They are very conservative in the - my house my rules sense. They have never recognized me as an adult.
However, I was able to work 2-3 jobs and pay off my student loan, credit card, car, and save a bit. I did pay a bit to live there and did work around the house.
There is good and bad with everything. You have to do what is best for you.
Good luck!

twicefooled posted 7/27/2020 08:56 AM

You do you :)

I have kiddos, so I chose to rent instead of moving in with family. However, if I was single I probably would have taken them up on the offer because I like to save $$$$$$.

WheresMyBlanket posted 7/27/2020 13:09 PM

I donít know the rest of your situation and you need to heal. But I think your family got it right. I would go for the practical side of moving in and saving some money., You do not know what is going to happen next with all these pandemic and violence in many areas. I would not make any big decisions for now. If you like to invite friends, maybe they can invite you, at least for the near future. As for women, some are fine with guys living with parents especially with the background story that you have.

HalfTime2017 posted 7/27/2020 13:46 PM

Dude, move in with the family and save some money. Put together a plan for how much you can save for 1 yrs. After you put in that year, take the money you saved and move on out. I think after a yr, you'd be ready to date again give or take. You might be ready earlier, but a yr is a good mark. Additionally, you'll be able to save on rent for the next 12 months, and you're not ready to date anyway. If your family is good to you, and you can talk to them, it will be beneficial.

AnnieOakley posted 7/27/2020 16:42 PM

I see from your other post that you are 28.

If I were your age and had that opportunity I would definitely do it for a year and save everything you earn for that down payment. You are not ready to date at this point and likely will not be for sometime. When you are you will be a homeowner, not someone living with your parents and recently divorced!

Offer to cook at the friends place instead, heal emotionally, kick up your exercise routine, etc. plus...a lot of people are holding off on dating anyways because of CV19.

Good luck.

Hawke posted 7/27/2020 16:51 PM

First, if there were ever a time to lean on your family and friends, this is it. Move in and save some money, at least for a couple of months. Then, see how you feel. Don't borrow trouble or try to predict what you will want or need in a couple of months because you are currently in a transition phase. Maybe you'll move in and love being able to help your parents out while they help you out. Maybe you'll move in and hate it so much you are itching to get out after three days.

Second, don't base your immediate decision-making entirely on what women want. If you do what you want to do, you are more likely to find a woman who likes you for yourself, rather than a woman who likes your untrue presentation to the world.

Phoenix1 posted 7/28/2020 01:51 AM

My DD is about to turn 29, and she is moving in with me after her D (not infidelity related) for the sole purpose of saving up money for a house down payment as well as just giving her some "breathing room" so she can take her time to look for a new place, i.e., no stress of rushing. Keep in mind she has been on her own for over 10 years and enjoys her freedom, but she sees the value in this plan.

I've got my ground rules (pick up after herself and her pets - dog and 2 cats - and buy her own groceries) that we discussed. Otherwise we will do our own thing. She has her own timeline because she doesn't want to be here any longer than necessary, but she is practical and likes to save money. She will be going to her friends' houses to hang out instead of them coming to my house. Works for me!

Have a plan/timeline. That way you will always have a goal and end in sight. You won't feel so stuck knowing you are working thru your plan.

Fantayworld posted 7/28/2020 08:32 AM

Hey ColdChickenNugget!

I'm moving out of my parents house this weekend. I've been living with them for almost 2 years since my divorce. I'm 46 years old. I've been on OLD for a few months and I admit I avoid telling any potential dates my living situation. I'm quite embarrassed. I have to say that if a man was living with his parents at my age, it would be a turn off at least at first.

You are much younger though and it makes a lot of sense to move in with your mom and step-dad even if it's for a short time to save money.

For me, I've stayed too long. It's gotten to the point where the financial benefits are not worth my loss of independence and confidence. I haven't grocery shopped in almost 2 years or had a friend over.

But it did allow me to get in a better position financially and that was worth it. Good luck to you!

EvenKeel posted 7/28/2020 08:34 AM

Decided to move on. What's next?
Peace is next. At some point, just being in a different space will take so much of the stress off of living in a SI household.

As for your living - make yourself a plan and work towards it. If that is living with your parents for one year and saving like heck (maybe PT job to help you save faster?).

If you move in and it just isn't working...you can always rent something small for this phase of your life. This is just one stage my friend. If you have to rent in an area that is not 'one of your desired' areas for a while...it is just temporary. Your mom/Step-Dad will be happy to see the timeline as well. You can get through anything when you know when the end date is.

Make some more creative plans with your friends. Think stuff like gathering a the park or lake? Or like others said - ask to have it at their house but you will buy the food (or whatever).

Don't stress too much about that. This is just a temp stage of the process.

Also, think of your parents during this. We are always like "It is going to be so hard for me to move home....". Well, it is hard for them too. They are at a different stage of their life and have to readjust as well to having another person FT in their home. Be the best temp. live-in you can. Take over chores to help out, pick up little extra things for the house, etc. This may be the last time you ever live with them so use this opportunity to make some nice memories with them. Maybe start a tradition of cooking breakfast for them each Sunday (or brunch or whatever), pizza night, puzzle time, whatever. Doesn't have to be anything big - but this is an opportunity for your to heal, save and do something special for them. You are very lucky to have a place to go to. Many folks on here didn't have that soft place to land - you are blessed, my friend.

Good luck on your next chapter. The best is yet to come!!!

J707 posted 7/28/2020 20:53 PM

Best decision I made. I moved to my Moms house too. I don't know your financial situation or divorce attorney payments or credit debt or student loan etc. Do it though! You know your situation financially better.

Mentally and emotionally, my Mom was there for me. My ramblings after and during this shitstorm. I also learned a lot from her. Things we never talked about. I'll always cherish those times when she passes one day, we both opened up!

Your friends will be there for you. Don't worry about that. This is a new chapter in your life. A very brief chapter but a long one. Take this opportunity to heal, take this opportunity to save some money, take this to help out around the house (they will appreciate that). If after 2,4,6 months, you can't stand it, move. But this is a transitional period in your life. Lean on family because you'll need them now more than ever. Save as much as you can or pay off debts. Don't worry about dating or if you're at your moms house now. By the time you're ready, it won't matter anyways whether you're there or not.

thisisterrible posted 7/30/2020 23:41 PM

Coming from a woman's viewpoint: I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who was living with his parents for a good reason - and being post divorce, starting over, and being financially smart are good reasons. I'd actually be impressed that he was being fiscally responsible rather than throwing money away on rent when he had an opportunity to save money to buy a house down the road. I'd also have to know that he was cutting the grass or doing other 'chores' to earn his keep at his parents - that'd be important.

Now, if I met a guy who was living with his parents and with no long term plan, that's a different story.

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