Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Just Found Out :
My 49(M) wife (46F) had a 1+ year affair I just found out about

This Topic is Archived
default

 particle (original poster new member #74493) posted at 12:53 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

I am not doing very well actually.

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am getting my ducks in a row and she'll be out soon. I am pretty much done and don't feel like sharing anymore at the moment. I am not sure if I will be back here, just logging on makes it worse for me right now.

posts: 44   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2020
id 8551917
default

nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 12:56 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

I'm so sorry, particle. Take your time. We will always be here with open arms if you decide to come back.

posts: 4966   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8551919
default

DBFool2019 ( member #72288) posted at 1:42 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

I am not doing very well actually.

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am getting my ducks in a row and she'll be out soon. I am pretty much done and don't feel like sharing anymore at the moment. I am not sure if I will be back here, just logging on makes it worse for me right now.

Sorry man, this sucks.

posts: 124   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2019
id 8551927
default

squid ( member #57624) posted at 1:53 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Sorry, particle.

Good luck to you. Hope to hear from you again.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8551928
default

Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 3:04 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Take your time, I hope you come back, this is by far the best place for guidance when it comes to infidelity, remember that all of us here have been affected by infidelity one way or another, we can help you go through this difficult situation.

posts: 2414   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8551952
default

HardKnocks ( member #70957) posted at 3:50 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Sorry, Particle.

Just remember you are not alone.

Take care.

BW 30 year marriage.
DDay2 2/20 5 month PA
My Ducks are Aligned and I'm Good to Go! :)

posts: 307   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2019
id 8551965
default

Unsure2019 ( member #71350) posted at 4:21 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Particle,

Just sorry more has come to light and you’re in such pain. Most all of us have ben there and it’s never easy. I can understand how hard it is to share details that are excoriatingly painful. I would say this – posting here to a group of dozens and dozens of folks that have been through the same thing ca be cathartic for you. Also, regardless of the path you are choosing, there is a collective wisdom and experience here that can offer you valuable tips/suggestions/strategies that can be of immense help to you. Come back when you’re ready. You are heard and supported here.

posts: 204   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: California
id 8551973
default

Alonelyagain ( member #32820) posted at 4:23 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Sorry Particle. I recommend that you check out the Divorce/Separation forum as it may be helpful to you during your next phase.

posts: 384   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2011   ·   location: New Jersey
id 8551974
default

Westway ( member #71747) posted at 4:29 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Do what you gotta do Particle. Just know that it is going to hurt like a mutha for a few months, but eventually you will heal and start to move on. Come back and let us know how you are doing when things settle down.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8551979
default

NeverTwice ( member #74421) posted at 8:05 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

Hi particle,

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am so sorry. But please come back anytime when you hurt a little less.

Take care of yourself. 💖

"Solid boundaries discourage trespassing." - Shirley Glass

posts: 176   ·   registered: May. 12th, 2020   ·   location: Las Tablas, Panama
id 8552068
default

NoOptTo ( member #62958) posted at 12:01 AM on Thursday, June 18th, 2020

Sorry Particle. You need to do what you need to do to get out of infidelity. Just know, if at any time you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to us here. We have all been through this. I wish the internet and this site were available to me many years ago. We can help you through the entire process of getting out of infidelity.

posts: 642   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2018   ·   location: New York
id 8552143
default

Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 1:29 AM on Thursday, June 18th, 2020

So sorry brother P.

STBX has no one to blame but herself. Take care of #1 and that is you and your children. Cyber support brother. Respect ✊ to you.

Buffer

Buffer

posts: 1192   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8552161
default

rambler ( member #43747) posted at 4:03 AM on Thursday, June 18th, 2020

Sorry to hear. Best wishes. Do not hold it in. If not here then somewhere else.

making it through

posts: 1255   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 8552190
default

notanotherchance ( member #46677) posted at 4:31 AM on Thursday, June 18th, 2020

Particle

When your ready, try to make it back here. We have all been or are currently in the same boat as you. We are not here to judge.

This is a great site for info on how a BS has dealt with the A. There is the healing library & other forums that may help you through it. Just remember none of us are infidelity therapists what you get is 70,000+ betrayed spouses telling you what they did, would do or are going to do. Some is brunt, some is alpha, some is beta, but one thing for sure, we all have realized the pain. How we deal with it is the difference.

Sending strength my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 10:47 PM, June 17th (Wednesday)]

posts: 582   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2015   ·   location: Overseas
id 8552192
default

HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 9:51 PM on Thursday, June 18th, 2020

Just letting you know I'm thinking about you, as we all are.

Sending strength!

DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

posts: 2720   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2014
id 8552433
default

Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 4:10 AM on Friday, June 19th, 2020

So sorry Particle. Each new revelation brings a level of pain that was inconceivable before all this happened. Do what is best for you, take your time and hopefully one day you can bring your experience with infidelity and help someone struggling to just breath.

posts: 1059   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8552516
default

redwing6 ( member #72593) posted at 1:10 PM on Saturday, June 20th, 2020

Particle, hope you're holding up ok.

BH 58,
WW #2 D'd after 6month EA who scammed her out of our life savings
WW #1 51 since remaired twice continues to cheat even today
WW #2 Refuses to admit she wrecked our marriage
DD adult 32
DSD adult 33
DSS adult 30

posts: 248   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2020   ·   location: Savannah, GA
id 8552934
default

HarryD ( new member #72423) posted at 5:10 PM on Saturday, June 20th, 2020

Some people can forgive, others can’t.

Your DW understands that life with OM is a fantasy, an fantasy that she enjoyed living those past months.

But a man/child with a room mate, who can not afford to live by himself. Your wife understands she will be more like this guys mother. Her paying for everything. Or she is going to have to give up her old social life. Not going to afford to go on trips, have lunch with the girls.

She may love her BF. But he is not going to give her fantasy life that she wants.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8552993
default

Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 6:11 PM on Monday, June 22nd, 2020

Particle,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say that we all hope you are doing well. We understand the extreme pain.

Just remember that there is a bond, a brotherhood among men who have been cheated upon by their wives. We understand and get it. Use us in any way that you feel necessary in order to help your situation. Down the road, you will return the favor by helping another guy who finds himself in this club that no one ever wanted to join.

Good luck and stay strong. I promise, it will get better

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 12:19 PM, June 22nd (Monday)]

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8553405
default

MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2020

a brotherhood among men who have been cheated upon by their wives.

This is a very good point. As the news of our problems and impending divorce spread among our friends there was a range of reactions. From "I had no idea", "just move on", "wow that sucks" to hours of talking and endless emails with people I did not expect or know that well. I have tried to repay that debt to to others

The most helpful were from those who also lived through what we were experiencing, to quote Shakespeare

"We few, we "happy" few, we band of brothers; For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother...Or sister.

The club none of us wanted to join.

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1176   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8553896
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210924 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy