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My 49(M) wife (46F) had a 1+ year affair I just found out about

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particle posted 6/17/2020 06:53 AM

I am not doing very well actually.

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am getting my ducks in a row and she'll be out soon. I am pretty much done and don't feel like sharing anymore at the moment. I am not sure if I will be back here, just logging on makes it worse for me right now.

nekonamida posted 6/17/2020 06:56 AM

I'm so sorry, particle. Take your time. We will always be here with open arms if you decide to come back.

DBFool2019 posted 6/17/2020 07:42 AM

I am not doing very well actually.

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am getting my ducks in a row and she'll be out soon. I am pretty much done and don't feel like sharing anymore at the moment. I am not sure if I will be back here, just logging on makes it worse for me right now.

Sorry man, this sucks.

squid posted 6/17/2020 07:53 AM

Sorry, particle.

Good luck to you. Hope to hear from you again.

Buster123 posted 6/17/2020 09:04 AM

Take your time, I hope you come back, this is by far the best place for guidance when it comes to infidelity, remember that all of us here have been affected by infidelity one way or another, we can help you go through this difficult situation.

HardKnocks posted 6/17/2020 09:50 AM

Sorry, Particle.

Just remember you are not alone.

Take care.

Unsure2019 posted 6/17/2020 10:21 AM

Particle,

Just sorry more has come to light and youíre in such pain. Most all of us have ben there and itís never easy. I can understand how hard it is to share details that are excoriatingly painful. I would say this Ė posting here to a group of dozens and dozens of folks that have been through the same thing ca be cathartic for you. Also, regardless of the path you are choosing, there is a collective wisdom and experience here that can offer you valuable tips/suggestions/strategies that can be of immense help to you. Come back when youíre ready. You are heard and supported here.

Alonelyagain posted 6/17/2020 10:23 AM

Sorry Particle. I recommend that you check out the Divorce/Separation forum as it may be helpful to you during your next phase.

Westway posted 6/17/2020 10:29 AM

Do what you gotta do Particle. Just know that it is going to hurt like a mutha for a few months, but eventually you will heal and start to move on. Come back and let us know how you are doing when things settle down.

NeverTwice posted 6/17/2020 14:05 PM

Hi particle,

I found some more pertinent details (of the affair, not since) that are even more devastating.

I am so sorry. But please come back anytime when you hurt a little less.

Take care of yourself. 💖

NoOptTo posted 6/17/2020 18:01 PM

Sorry Particle. You need to do what you need to do to get out of infidelity. Just know, if at any time you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to us here. We have all been through this. I wish the internet and this site were available to me many years ago. We can help you through the entire process of getting out of infidelity.

Buffer posted 6/17/2020 19:29 PM

So sorry brother P.
STBX has no one to blame but herself. Take care of #1 and that is you and your children. Cyber support brother. Respect ✊ to you.
Buffer

rambler posted 6/17/2020 22:03 PM

Sorry to hear. Best wishes. Do not hold it in. If not here then somewhere else.

notanotherchance posted 6/17/2020 22:31 PM

Particle

When your ready, try to make it back here. We have all been or are currently in the same boat as you. We are not here to judge.
This is a great site for info on how a BS has dealt with the A. There is the healing library & other forums that may help you through it. Just remember none of us are infidelity therapists what you get is 70,000+ betrayed spouses telling you what they did, would do or are going to do. Some is brunt, some is alpha, some is beta, but one thing for sure, we all have realized the pain. How we deal with it is the difference.

Sending strength my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 10:47 PM, June 17th (Wednesday)]

HouseOfPlane posted 6/18/2020 15:51 PM

Just letting you know I'm thinking about you, as we all are.

Sending strength!

Shockedmom posted 6/18/2020 22:10 PM

So sorry Particle. Each new revelation brings a level of pain that was inconceivable before all this happened. Do what is best for you, take your time and hopefully one day you can bring your experience with infidelity and help someone struggling to just breath.

redwing6 posted 6/20/2020 07:10 AM

Particle, hope you're holding up ok.

HarryD posted 6/20/2020 11:10 AM

Some people can forgive, others canít.
Your DW understands that life with OM is a fantasy, an fantasy that she enjoyed living those past months.
But a man/child with a room mate, who can not afford to live by himself. Your wife understands she will be more like this guys mother. Her paying for everything. Or she is going to have to give up her old social life. Not going to afford to go on trips, have lunch with the girls.
She may love her BF. But he is not going to give her fantasy life that she wants.

Newlifeisgreat posted 6/22/2020 12:11 PM

Particle,
Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say that we all hope you are doing well. We understand the extreme pain.


Just remember that there is a bond, a brotherhood among men who have been cheated upon by their wives. We understand and get it. Use us in any way that you feel necessary in order to help your situation. Down the road, you will return the favor by helping another guy who finds himself in this club that no one ever wanted to join.

Good luck and stay strong. I promise, it will get better

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 12:19 PM, June 22nd (Monday)]

MickeyBill2016 posted 6/23/2020 16:19 PM

a brotherhood among men who have been cheated upon by their wives.

This is a very good point. As the news of our problems and impending divorce spread among our friends there was a range of reactions. From "I had no idea", "just move on", "wow that sucks" to hours of talking and endless emails with people I did not expect or know that well. I have tried to repay that debt to to others
The most helpful were from those who also lived through what we were experiencing, to quote Shakespeare
"We few, we "happy" few, we band of brothers; For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother...Or sister.

The club none of us wanted to join.

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