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The Reckoning

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vasfree posted 4/27/2020 18:03 PM

It has been about a year since I first posted my story. You may recall that I learned that my "loving" stay-at-home wife of 18 years was engaged in an adulterous relationship with our kids' kung fu instructor, who is 17 years younger than her. (My wife is now 50 and he is 33.) Well, we have been grinding through this divorce while living in the same home, and it has been the nightmare you would expect it to be. For most of the time, she was going out every night and not returning until early morning in full view of my boys, 12 and 16. I have absolutely no contact with her as I refuse to communicate with her and see her only in Court or at settlement conferences. I have taken over the master bedroom and upper floor and she has slithered into the bonus room above the garage and considers that to be her domain, which I avoid at all costs. A few weeks ago I sensed a shift in the atmosphere as she began staying home at night and I could hear her screaming on her cell phone at all hours. Well about 8 nights ago as I was turning into my development I see her AP parked on the side of the street, in his pick-up truck, waiting for me. I rolled down my window and proceeded to tell him that if he wished to remain in the corporeal plane and not enter the spiritual realm he would high-tail it out of my development and away from my house. He began shouting that he needed to tell me something and that I would want to hear this and it was really important. Now I've known this "kid" since he was 23 as that's when he began instructing my then 3 year-old son. I really don't blame him for the situation as my ex was the one that spread her legs for him but given his relationship to me and my boys I have lost all respect for this moron. So I tell him to follow me and we pull into a secluded street and he pulls up next to me. He proceeds to say how sorry he is for everything and begs me to forgive him for what he did to me and to my boys. He goes on to say that his life has been "cursed" since he became close to her and that he has no idea how I was able to stay married to this creature for so long. She has mentally abused him, had him arrested, burned him with a cigar, cut him with a knife and threatened to have him killed. He had two prosperous martial arts studios and lost one completely because she dominated every aspect of his life and refused to allow him to teach female students. His other studio is doing poorly and she has estranged him from all of his friends and family. He has spent thousands on her and she had him convinced that something was mentally wrong with him and that he was just a boy and could never satisfy her. Then he recently learned that she has been cheating on him with an ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago who promised her money, a job, a house, etc. He broke it off with her and she is now out to ruin his reputation in the community and tells people that he is controlling and violent. He was literally in tears telling me this. Although I viewed him as my enemy, my fatherly instincts kicked in and I tried to show him how much better off he was with her out of his life. Anyway, he said he just needed to tell me everything and to apologize and that nothing can make up for what he did to me and my boys but that he has such great respect for me for not backing down to her and fighting every little aspect of this divorce because he said that it's killing her. He may even sign an affidavit with respect to statements she has made to him about money that she stole from our family. I have moved on and met an amazing woman who is beautiful and kind and loving and also experienced being cheated on by her husband of 14 years. We are both taking it slow but it's killing my ex, according to this guy anyway, that I have found happiness without her. (She had vowed to my kids that I would never find anyone like her and that no woman would want me.)
I wanted to post this update so that those familiar with my story who know the level of embarrassment and humiliation that she inflicted on me can know that if you stay true to yourself and focused on what is right and what is important in life you to will get through this nightmare. My ex is now facing the reckoning that she deserves as she has been abandoned by her "soulmate" that she insisted was "so much better than me in every way" and is scrambling for money and looking to find any man that will take care of her - and put up with her psychosis.

ibonnie posted 4/27/2020 18:56 PM

I remember you and was actually thinking about you recently because you hadn't posted in awhile, and I know you had been struggling with 180ing and going NC (or as NC as possible with your STBXWW). Glad to hear you've pushed forward with D and are doing better!

[This message edited by ibonnie at 9:56 AM, April 28th (Tuesday)]

BentandBroken posted 4/27/2020 19:24 PM

I love a good karma story. Thank you for taking the time to share it here! All the best to you.

The1stWife posted 4/27/2020 20:00 PM

Wow!! She is leaving a trail of destruction in her wake.

Thank God you are getting out - keep the kids away from her APs. Any and all of them.

blahblahblahe posted 4/27/2020 20:14 PM

Caution is the word of the day.

1. The OM is hardly an honorable individual, it seems remorse is not a character trait he has in great abundance. He is not an innocent bystander.

2. When an XW options become limited they become more desperate.

Expect more colorfulness in the future, be it begging for forgiveness or provocations to remove you from the children or premises.

It seems your new course has a better possible future.

fareast posted 4/27/2020 20:22 PM


Thank you for your update. Your WW was certain to be a train wreck given her erratic behavior. Your WW was exceptionally cruel to you and rubbed her A in your face, all the while you were trying to come to terms with how your WW became this monster. Although it took you while to come to “Acceptance”, I think it really hit home when you caught her stashing expensive heirlooms and foiled her plans. You got stronger. I am glad to see that Karma is catching up with her. But I am happier for your boys and you. Hopefully, soon you can finalize your D. Good luck.

Tigersrule77 posted 4/28/2020 09:02 AM

Good job in standing up for yourself and fighting for the things that are important to you.

As a BS spouse, it does always give some sense of justice when things go south for WS's or AP's. I'm not suggesting he deserves to be physically attacked, but glad to see he is suffering consequences as well for his decision to get involved with a married woman. An important aspect of martial arts is respect - for your instructors, for opponents, other students, etc. He made poor decisions and is now suffering for that.

EllieKMAS posted 4/28/2020 09:23 AM

Yeah you are a better person than me, cus I am reading about the OM and just shrugging to self, like "shoulda thought about that before you did this you jackass." Yep, I have zero pity for him whatsoever. Karma is a bitch and cheating shitheads would do well to remember that things always come back around.

So glad to hear a better situation is on the horizon for you though! Fingers crossed that the rest of dealing with this goes as painlessly as possible for you and your boys!

Okokok posted 4/28/2020 09:36 AM

Now I've known this "kid" since he was 23 as that's when he began instructing my then 3 year-old son. I really don't blame him for the situation as my ex was the one that spread her legs for him

He is a 33-year-old adult. He is responsible for his actions.

That said, thanks for sharing this story!

Marz posted 4/28/2020 11:24 AM

Use everything you can get against her. Everything

Phoenix1 posted 4/28/2020 14:57 PM

Now that her life is imploding, please proceed with caution while still under the same roof. She may be getting desperate, and desperate evil people are known for doing awful things. VAR always. Watch your back.

HalfTime2017 posted 4/29/2020 12:57 PM

I second Phoenix and Marz-

Vas, take the offer from the Affair partner. He can now be on your side. I'd take him up on his offer immediately and get the lawyer to draft up something to keep her away from your boys. In addition, I'd take him up and take the affidavit that she stole family money. Screw her ass for being a shady whore.

Stay vigilant. You got your Karma story sooner than you expected. Thats awesome.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 4/29/2020 13:19 PM

I would agree with this (minus the shady whore language - the last thing you want is a judge to read any words out of your own mouth that are negative/insulting):

Vas, take the offer from the Affair partner. He can now be on your side. I'd take him up on his offer immediately and get the lawyer to draft up something to keep her away from your boys. In addition, I'd take him up and take the affidavit that she stole family money. Screw her ass for being a shady whore.

As former private counsel, there were SO MANY TIMES I wish we had a statement from someone that we could no longer obtain. The risk in taking a statement is LOW and the reward is potentially HIGH. The worst thing that could happen is that you don't use it and your STBX finds out and makes a scene about it - which will do nothing to help her in court.

Jameson1977 posted 4/29/2020 21:52 PM

Hi vasfree,

I had wondered what happened. Thanks for the update, and happy you are moving out of infidelity, and that your WW is experiencing some karma!

rambler posted 4/29/2020 22:16 PM


Glad but not surprised to see you doing well.

This is not about getting even with her, it is about protecting you and the kids. Get the statement. Talk to your attorney.

So happy you are doing well.

Butforthegrace posted 4/30/2020 14:44 PM

The enemy of my enemy and all that.

Buster123 posted 5/1/2020 22:20 PM

Of course I remember your story due to the "kung fu boy" and your crazy WW. I'm glad you're now in a much better place and the karma bus seems to be rearing its ugly face on your WW, we love a good karma story so if it doesn't trigger you much please keep us posted on her downfall, I can almost guarantee you this is just the beginning.

Tallgirl posted 5/3/2020 19:51 PM

I remember your story.... I am so happy for you. The best revenge is you being happy!!! Great news

Ps...I’d lock your bedroom door at night.

Stevesn posted 5/3/2020 22:08 PM

You rock Vas!

I would tell the “kid” that if he wants to start changing his karma it starts with helping you get everything you deserve in The settlement. Then connect him with your lawyer.

Hang in there. When is the target completion?

Westway posted 5/4/2020 17:22 PM

You are my new hero Vas. I need to go and read your story.

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