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Messed up the NB? Advice, please.

Makesmewannapuke posted 3/30/2020 13:11 PM

First post here in NB.

I was thinking about posting here a few weeks ago but didn't want to jinx anything. Maybe if I reached out sooner, you guys could have helped me avoid this...

My friend connected me with a friend of her husband's back in Feb. We started talking to each other via text and eventually real phone conversations. Hours of phone conversations. I've never talked to someone on the phone that much in my life, ever. We finally met in person on Saturday. Had a really nice day and all that. Well, day turns into night and we wound up closing the deal. I stayed the night.

In hindsight, I was not emotionally ready for that step. (I was really physically ready for it which is what got me into this mess.) Now what? Can you rewind? What's done is done but how do I fix that? Or did I just screw everything up?

Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? What do I do?

WhoTheBleep posted 3/30/2020 14:38 PM

Be honest. Tell him you had a great day and night, but you need to dial it back a bit. I'm not saying it's going to work in the long run, but you are not required to sleep with him again (right away or ever) just because you did it once.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:39 PM, March 30th (Monday)]

Okokok posted 3/30/2020 16:47 PM

Totally agree with @WhoTheBleep! It's all about honesty and communication out there in the NB world :)

In the end, everyone generally appreciates and respects that, this new guy included.

EvenKeel posted 3/31/2020 07:22 AM

Talking/texting for so long is good in many ways but it also creates a sense that you really know that person (and to an extent, you do). However, there is an entirely different level of knowing someone once you start to date face to face.

No - you did not screw everything up! Look you have been talking to this person a good while; just be honest. You have nothing to lose really. Meaning, if he pulls back because of that talk; then that is not a person you want to be exploring a relationship with anyway.

I would first really think about what you are looking for so you can outline that. Because if I spent hours talking to a guy, then the first night we slept together and he immediately pulled back I would definitely think it was me (or he was just looking for a FWB situation). Even if none of it was true, that is how my brain would work. So that is why I am saying to outline what you would like to pursue with him, etc.

So for the fun stuff - LET'S talk about your date!!! What did you do? What were your thoughts about him when you finally met? etc.

If you do want to pursue a slower relationship, I would make sure you date in places that are not easy to lead to the bedroom. Meaning, staying in and watching a movie is much easier for your temptation to go wild than if you are in a crowded venue, etc.

Makesmewannapuke posted 3/31/2020 11:27 AM

WTB/Ok - Thank you for the advice. I figured just being honest was the best way to go. I guess it feels weird to be in this situation after so many years of not. We spoke on the phone last night and everything was fine/normal. We won't potentially be able to see each other in person again for another 2 weeks (even if then; kid schedules) so I just let the convo go where it went. I would prefer to discuss this in person or on a weekend phone "bender" when we have more time to delve into details.

EK - Agree on your whole post. Even to how your brain would work after 1st time. I do need to outline what I want. I tell myself, just be cool and whatever happens, happens. But reality typically doesn't work that way (being cool) so I need to figure that out, be honest with myself and then him. Also great advice about avoiding potential locations that would have easy bedroom access. My head and other parts are having a disagreement during this NB process.

Date details...! Thoughts when meeting - I was SO nervous to meet him. We met outside so he had sunglasses on and that was kind of weird. Like wth does your face look like being those shades?? I'd only seen pictures of him up to that point. Anyway, everything else was good. His face was good, too btw, after the sunglasses came off. He thinks I'm very funny and we laughed a lot and he's got a great laugh and smile. I haven't met a new person like this in so long I think I was kind of in shock.

What we did - We went fishing, but it was a bust. I caught nothing and he only caught a couple throwbacks. The weather was pretty nice and it was great to be outside though. After that, we just drove around some back roads and talked. Then we went back to his place and had a drink - more talking. He offered to make me dinner and pulled out one of my faves and had even bought the wine I like. He knew this from previous hours of convo. Superb planning on his part. Not gonna lie, I was impressed. Dinner was great and then we watched a movie. Hand holding ensued and then the weird stay or go moment at the end of the movie. Obviously we all know what that choice was..... I honestly didn't go into it thinking of it as a date but it wound up totally being a date.

When/if we do get together again, it will be difficult to go out considering everything is closed.....I'm going to have to get pretty creative to avoid temptations! NB struggles in the throes of COVID-19...

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