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Same Ex, New Dipshit

ForTheKids posted 8/10/2019 22:05 PM

Good evening everyone. I have not posted much in a while so sorry for the long winding rant. I had a relatively period of calm in co-parent land. For those who donít know my ex literally lives in a rented house the next street over and our back yards practically touch. It is a bit weird typing this because we are probably within a 100 yards of each other. The situation has actually not been that bad. It has been super convenient for kids pickups and drop-offs. My kids seemed to be happy and my ex had another partner but there was no red flags and I have gotten really good of just not paying attention to what goes on in her personal life.

Backtracking to a month ago and I got a phone call from my ex MIL in the middle of the night saying that my ex sent some weird messages and sounded weird on the phone. She has had a history of mental illness and has been kept in the hospital for suicidal thoughts. Anyways the ambulance picks her up and she is kept under observation at the hospital for 3 days. I helped out whenever I could. I took the kids to visit her and had to take a couple days off work. She sounded very thankful it seemed and let me know how much she appreciated me stepping in. I never really asked what exactly what was going on but I assumed it had something to do with her bf. She seemed to get better and I have been watching the kids super close after they come back from their moms.

Now to the messed up part. A couple nights ago I am going for a walk after work. Up ahead I see my exís car ( it is very recognizable). Itís a small town so we see each other driving or walking around so itís not unusual. Her car pulls of the street and it parks. From what I see as I walk by is that a very suspicious looking person loitering in the area crosses the street and is talking at the driverís side window. I immediately get this sick feeling in my stomach. The person that I can pretty much certainly say is a drug dealer then walks over to the other side of the car and gets in. At this point I am thinking ďHoly shit my ex is now buying drugs off the street and where are my kids!Ē

I take a quick picture and I start walking home. Itís a 10 minute walk home and I look back and sure enough my exís car is coming up behind me. I looked over as it passed and I realize that she is not driving. I assume that this must be the bf from before. Iím still pretty worried since my kids are in this car all the time that is apparently used to do drug deals. Also this fucking drug dealing winner of a guy is also around my kids. I call my ex MIL and I tell her everything I saw. She then lets me know that from what she heard this guy my ex is with actually went to jail for drug related charges and he just got out! My ex MIL is actually very supportive of me and much to my relief my kids are having a sleepover tonight at her house.

Iím so sick of this. I went thought his before with the original AP and constantly worrying these low life drug users shitheads around my kids. And my ex is either allowing it to happen and totally oblivious to it all. Iím assuming that she does not know this guy is using her car for drug deals. On the other hand it would not surprise me if she is so far gone she is aware of it and does not care. My last nightís sleep was practically non-existent and work was hell today because of it.

SI peeps any advice or anyone go through this before?? Right now my game plan is to pick up the kids tomorrow and text my ex after and explain my concerns, that I seen her car doing a drug deal in the streets and I do not want my kids involved in anyway if drugs are present in the household. My MIL is worried that when this guy hears that I told my ex I seen him doing a drug deal he could be unpredictable and that I should go to the police station first and see what they think.

Thanks for reading this rambling rant.

JadedByItAll posted 8/11/2019 01:08 AM

Why didn't you just call the police when you first witnessed this drug deal going down? They could have caught this guy in the act, arrested him, and your problem would have been solved.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/11/2019 07:21 AM

I would call my atty b4 confronting her, as she will be more careful if you confront.

The atty may suggest you act normal, get a PI and get specific evidence, photos of your kids with drug deals with your kids around, or police records (a PI can get records you &I cannot,) then BAM take her to court with all the required evidence, that will force her into a position that requires these people stay away from your kids, or they might give you custody, or they might require your xw to prove she isnít doing drugs.

In my friends case, the PIís info was actually used as leverage and in negotiations, so that they didnít have to go to court. When her XHís atty saw all the PI evidence regarding drug use around the kids, his atty was eager to negotiate to keep my friend from showing everything to a judge.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:27 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

ForTheKids posted 8/11/2019 07:26 AM

In response to Jaded

At the time I was not sure this guy was driving the car, I assumed the ex was in the car at first. Also I was not 100% sure it was a drug deal at the time, just highly suspected it. It was only after when my MIL told me about him that i was certain what I saw. If I knew what I knew now I think I would of made the call.

[This message edited by ForTheKids at 7:30 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

Hutch posted 8/11/2019 09:42 AM

Iím a mama bear that would do anything to protect her kids. I can say my kids wouldnít be back at that house. I would call your lawyer, call the police, and call your ex to say they will not be back while she lives her life as she is living.

ForTheKids posted 8/11/2019 10:13 AM

Thanks for the replies. Ya I feel like a papa bear today and I feel much better today. Iím thinking Iíll call the lawyer I used when I was getting divorced, stop in at the police station tomorrow, and also tell my ex my concerns once Iím done the abide.

deena04 posted 8/11/2019 11:18 AM

Do not tell ex until you have consulted with law-enforcement and a lawyer. Do not give her a chance to cover her tracks before they look into it. Can you file an immediate custody switch based on all of this or an emergency hearing of some kind? What a no contact order be relevant? Is there anything else that would warrant that?

HalfTime2017 posted 8/12/2019 12:29 PM

First of all, if you have the text from your MIL, keep all of that for proof. Also use the proof of your ex going to the mental hospital for suicide. I'd use that, and get full custody of the children.

If she loses the kids, she'll probably go deeper and hit bottom. Use your PI at that time, keep the proof of the people that she is with, and keep your kids away from her and her BFs.

ForTheKids posted 8/12/2019 14:06 PM

Okay update time!

So I went to the local police station and wrote up a a report. Almost immediately an officer took me to the back and wanted to know more. He was not able to tell me any specifics but that this guy is known to police, but he did not think he was dangerous at all, more low level crimes but nothing dangerous. He also knows my ex from when he responded to her mental health crisis and was taken to the hospital. More or less he assured me that since it is a small town they keep a pretty close eye on people they are aware of. He knows exactly where they live so I am a little reassured after my visit with the police. I left the meeting with the feeling that everybody at the police station knows more about this situation that I even do......small town problems.

If I had unlimited funds I would probably go the lawyer/PI route but I'm going to wait for that. Single dad living means that I have to be certain on something before I plunk down thousands of dollars on something that may or may not be an issue. I still concerned but with me and the local police aware, I'm confident that the kids will be fine.

I did let my ex know what I saw after I talked to the police. She did reassure me and said our kids never will and never has been around drug use and that her bf was buying a phone. I suppose it is possible but I am still highly skeptical. Watching and waiting.

[This message edited by ForTheKids at 3:50 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

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