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Fear vs. reality

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18

Lovingmyselfmore posted 2/25/2015 13:50 PM

Fear: I will never smile again, will never be happy again.

Reality: I have been happy, I have smiled a lot! I feel loved by my dogs and love them so much that I feel sooo happy with them!

Fear: I will love him and miss him forever.

Reality: I am gaining perspective on who he really is and he is not the man I loved so much!

Fear: I will not be able to be by myself.

Reality: I have new friends, I discovered men are attracted to me in dating websites, I am starting to love being by myself at home meditating, reading, watching my favorite programs and huging my dogs, making new friends.

Fear: I am unattractive.

Reality: I am discovering how attractive I am If i want to.

cmego posted 2/25/2015 14:58 PM

Since I posted the original time...I'll update again!

Fear: I'll never be in a healthy "relationship".

Reality: I've been in a healthy, communicative relationship for 6 months now. He is damn cute too.

Fear: I won't find work after being a SAHM for 10+ years.

Reality: I went for my Masters Degree, almost finished, and discussing several opportunities for me to possibly start working!

Fear: My kids are going to be messed up by all the crap.

Reality: While one is in therapy, they are both open, happy children and we talk about everything.

Fear: I wouldn't be able to be around my ex and his partner (ex had gay affairs).

Reality: I had them both over to my house for Christmas Day this year. Granted...I'm at the 4 year mark from S.

Fear: EX will remain a jerk.

Reality: Well....he has remained a jerk. A tiger doesn't change his stripes, but *I've* changed. When he is "on the attack", I might be a little affected, but it doesn't last long, like less than 24 hours and he is right back to being an annoying fly buzzing around.

I am a stronger and happier person because of what I went through.

lilies21 posted 3/9/2015 09:53 AM

Bumping for myself and others. I think I still have more fears without realities so I haven't posted here yet.

gardenparty posted 3/9/2015 19:00 PM

I still break into a cold sweat when I think about the first 6 months post D-day. I was so paralyzed by fear that I couldn't draw a deep breath, was unable to choke down food and laid in bed begging for the mind movies in my head to stop.

Fear : I cannot support myself and my children.

Reality : I retrained at 39, became a plumber/gasfitter and now work as a project manager. I put two girls through university and am now in the process of building my dream house.

Fear : I will never get over the shame of being divorced.

Reality : I got over that one really quick

Fear : No body will love me and I will die alone.

Reality : I have dated some quality men in the last 8 years and for the last 4 1/2 have been with a wonderful SO.

Fear : I wasted 20 years of my life.

Reality : I spent 20 years learning life lessons that have made me a more tolerant person.

Fear : I am old and ugly and don't know how to dress (pretty much a direct comment)

Reality : I am getting older, fine with that, and no longer give a shit if he likes the way I dress.

phmh posted 3/20/2015 19:02 PM

Bumping for newer D/S people. I know it's hard to believe, but things are going to turn out just fine.

Lola2kids posted 4/1/2015 06:33 AM

bump

phmh posted 4/7/2015 20:33 PM

Bump!

superchump posted 4/8/2015 07:22 AM

Great post.

phmh posted 5/4/2015 20:42 PM

Bump

Lovingmyselfmore posted 5/5/2015 01:14 AM

Update

Fear: this pain will never go away!

Reality: every 3 months the pain lessens. still in the roller coaster but the first months were 100% pain all the time.

Fear: I will never be able to watch a tv program or movie.

Reality: I enjoy them again.

[This message edited by Lovingmyselfmore at 6:15 PM, May 10th (Sunday)]

Lovingmyselfmore posted 5/12/2015 14:18 PM

My new fears:

1.-I will never be in love again

2.-I will never forget our life together and how "happy" we were

3.-I will continue feeling like I don't want anything to do with the world (a hermit).

4.-I will become very old, fast and be alone

5.-I will always have to live alone and will never be comfortable in any new neighborhood.

6.-I will miss him for the rest of my life

7.-Currently I don't want anything from life (not new friends, not a new lover, not to go out) I fret I will always be like this.

[This message edited by Lovingmyselfmore at 2:38 PM, May 12th (Tuesday)]

Opinionsplease posted 5/12/2015 15:04 PM

Thank you thank you thank you for this thread.

Purpleninja posted 6/2/2015 14:45 PM

I'm bumping for some of the newcomers & adding mine.
Fear: not being able to make all the bills on my own
Reality: yes I've had to cut back, but I can pay all the bills without cs or ex. I do NOT need him!

Fear: he's going to have whoreface around my kid.
Reality: I can't stop this but I can make it difficult with limitations in the MSA (morality clause, clause for others who have certain convictions)

Fear: that I'm unattractive & unlovable.
Reality: bahahahhaha. I'm finding a nice assortment of men who have expressed interest & I now know I am lovable, not just by the opposite sex, but also my family & friends.

Fear: that I'm not superwoman.
Reality: I am SUPERWOMAN! I work a full time job & am a great mom! Just ask my kid! & I'm doing it without Dumbass!

Lovingmyselfmore posted 6/14/2015 23:54 PM

Bump

nowiknow23 posted 7/1/2015 15:23 PM

Bump

crazyblindsided posted 7/1/2015 16:48 PM

Thanks NIK for bumping this!

I have many fears that I need to turn around ;-)

My main one being that I will be stuck in this M forever if I do not find the strength to leave.

BrokenheartedUK posted 7/2/2015 03:00 AM

My main one being that I will be stuck in this M forever if I do not find the strength to leave.

You will be if you don't do something about it. Yes, it's scary but you really will be fine.

I was terrified to D.

Fear: I live in another country (my WS's country) and have no family here to support me.
Reality: Friends. I've learned that I can count of friends and I have many of them. Go me!

Fear: That I'll always love my WS and that I'll be devastated when he gets a partner.
Reality: I wish he would find someone soon and have that emotional support for himself. The longer I'm out of the M, the more I can see my H for the emotionally retarded person that he is.

Fear: I'll never have sex again.
Reality: Not. A. Problem. I've had two lovers since my M broke up and the sex has been fantastic. Like, really fantastic.

Fear: This will screw up my kids.
Reality: Staying in a bad marriage would have screwed up my kids. And, I'm no longer fighting a "two front war" which makes me a much better parent to focus on them.

Fear: I'll never be happy again.
Reality: I wasn't happy in the M for the past few years anyway.

Fear: I'll be lonely.
Reality: Nope. The marriage was a lonely one for me and being alone, has not been difficult at all. And I don't have to listen to bloody snoring anymore!

I was not ready to take this step last year. I was terrified. But, when I felt that I really had no other option, that staying in the M was simply untenable, I have felt truly liberated getting out of it.

mybrokenpain posted 7/2/2015 08:16 AM

Love reading these they give me so much hope! I am still all fears but can not wait to post once they have been concord!!!!

Lovingmyselfmore posted 7/6/2015 20:11 PM

Bump

Lovingmyselfmore posted 7/7/2015 19:18 PM

Fear: I will kill myself If I don't find a way out of this hell in one year.

Reality: I am a better person now, I have hope, I am stronger.

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