I posted here a few years ago as I was in a sexless marriage for many years.
I sucked it up, put all my energy into work, almost destroyed my health, and wasn't a good role model for my kids. I was constantly angry at the situation and with myself for letting it get this far.
I always 100% believed my wife not matter what she said to me. NEVER once did I suspect she was carrying on an affair (which she did after 5 years of marriage and it went on for 4-5 years then stopped). I lied to myself that the sexless marriage was just low libido on her end and I had to bear that cross, which I did. 3 years ago, the affair re-started and I happened to read a book that helped open my eyes to my situation.
I discovered the affair and confirmed it. I realized how alone I was and I could not continue in my life the way it was going - I changed my diet, started going to the gym, lost almost 50lbs and got into the best shape of my life. She tried to sabotage and put down my efforts during the process.
About 8-9 mths into my changes, her affair all came out, and we tried to reconcile. She took maybe 10% responsibility at best but tried to blame me for everything. I came to the realization she made her own decisions and is responsible for those. I realized I created the environment for her to cheat and was not the man I should have been. I am convinced if it was any other woman in her place, the result would likely be the same, as she wasn't getting the emotions she wanted from me.
I had a lot of anger during this process and still do, although it's decreased a lot.
She wanted us to go to marriage counselling which I refused, and still refuse. I suggested it when the sexless marriage started a very long time ago and she refused back then (little did I know she was in affair at the time and that's why). She planned on leaving me way back then but decided to stay.
2 years ago she was planning to leave me again after her affair restarted, until I discovered it and it all came out. She said she made the biggest mistake of her life and said her relationship with him would have never worked out (he is married with kids).
She still wants us reconcile but I am about to check out. Since everything came out, the marriage is still sexless. She claims she has no emotional connection and it needs to rebuilt by me, and can't be physical in the meantime, but she is not putting in any effort towards that.
I have stayed regardless because I feel guilty about breaking up the family, and the impact to our extended families.
We are about to make a major life decision which would require a move, but I just can't move forward and live with her like this. I am miserable and need my space.
I have many friends in the last few years ALL with deteriorating marriages with some level of sexlessness (one of my friends is at 8 years sexless and his wife cheated on him as well - they are divorcing).
Not sure I am posting this other than to see how many others are/were in the same boat and came out better on the other side.
[This message restored by Webmaster at 9:55 AM, Thursday, June 16th]
[This message edited by LeavingSoon at 5:23 PM, Wednesday, June 15th]