I have to discuss with my attorney again about the verbal and emotional abuse. I don't know why but he seems out to destroy and make me as miserable as possible while we go through D. His behavior, to me, is erratic at times but as a true narc...
If he is a genuine narcissist, then he wants to destroy out of spite. It's what they do. It's kind of like how you breathe. It's pretty essential to who they are.
I try to stay away from him as much as possible but our 17 year old son still lives with us and I do want to be around him (although he seems to be aligning with his father, which is just heartbreaking and confusing to me).
From my perspective, the hardest part of all of this is when one of the parents tries to get the children involved... and specifically, they try to get the child to pick a side. The good news is that your child is 17 years old and they legally emancipate at age 18 and when their high school class graduates (you might want to ask your lawyer about these details; this is true in my location and probably true throughout the USA... but it might vary from state to state).
Anyway, in my opinion, your best approach to something like this is... to ignore all of the crap from your STBX and to focus on being a good parent with your child. You still do all of the "rules" things, like brush your teeth, do your homework, clean your bedroom (or whatever), etc. You continue to raise him as a decent human being.
Almost always, kids figure it out and they understand (eventually) who was a good parent versus who was not. I have several friends whose parents got divorced when they were kids and they picked parent#1 when they were young and didn't know better, but as adults... they realize that parent#2 was the loving/caring/actual-parent that they needed.
To phrase this differently, my goal as an alienated parent... is to make sure my kids love me when they are 22-25 years old, not now.
I barely speak to STBXH at all, unless necessary. I stay in a different room or out of the house all together if he is home.
Fantastic. This is the best that you can do.
He claims he wants to be away from me as soon as possible because he can't stand me and doesn't want to be near me, then says he can't wait to go to trial because he has all this evidence to present to make sure I don't get as much as I think I will get (trial will take YEARS - not exactly getting away from me as soon as possible). He contradicts himself all the time. And recently, he said that I need to understand that not everything he says is true - just mind blowing that he lies to get his way and actually admitted it. I just don't know what to believe anymore so where he is concerned, I believe nothing.
My guess is that he is trying to intimidate you and trying to get you to like him and trying to control you, all at the same time. The trick is to avoid flinching when he says all of this stuff (grey rock, yo!).
But, pay attention to everything that he says. Specifically, look for contradictions in what he says. If it goes to trial, you can point out this contradictions and they will help you erode his credibility.
Honestly, you seem like you are doing very well with this difficult situation. This is really hard and you will make mistakes... mostly, though, you need to stay calm and do the right thing. The biggest mistake that you can make is to freak out and do something stupid that will make you look bad (like screaming at him in front of your child or slashing his tires... basically, don't do anything described in the song "When he cheats").