We've had a pretty good few weeks. Lots of healthy discussions, working together to tackle issues, feeling really connected.
Then came an accusation from a family member that he had cheated on me a few years ago by kissing a guy.
I don't think the accusation is true but I had a niggling thought in the back of my mind so I asked him outright. His reaction to me asking left me speechless.
I do believe he is telling the truth, I don't think he kissed this other guy. But the way he handled the whole situation was really awful. He wouldn't discuss it calmly, he was just defensive and sarcastic.
Then he triggered about my A and said he couldn't talk to me anymore, so discussion about anything else was stopped.
He came round last night, he had calmed down but was obviously still feeling bad/triggering about my A.
We had quite a good talk about things, sorted some stuff out.
He made some comments about his views on needing support to overcome depression, he thinks it's a sign of weakness. These comments, added together with his past behaviour WRT my depression years ago and his more recent opinions on his brother's depression and suicide attempts made me think that he might be of the opinion that needing support is weak because he thinks people will get fed up and lose patience with the person suffering from depression.
I asked him if this was the case and offered reassurance that I wasn't going to lose patience. He just blew up. Accused me of making it all about me (because I mentioned my depression) shouting and swearing at me, really vile stuff.
I lost my temper. I'm so ashamed of myself, I called him a prick. He left the house shouting and swearing at me.
We are supposed to be going to visit family this weekend (he's going to see his mum and I'm taking the kids to see my family) as he was getting in the car he said I could go fuck myself this weekend, he would just see me on Monday. Meaning he would make the two hour trip alone, leaving me and the children in the house with no car and unable to see our family.
I didn't respond, I just let him leave. I called him later to say I would need the car to go to the supermarket and he 'granted me permission' to use the car today. I apologised for name calling, told him I had crossed the line and behaved in an unacceptable way. He said he would talk to me when he had calmed down.
I'm just so sick of this. I was upset on Tuesday night, it wasn't nice having to ask him if the accusation was true. It's not my fault there is doubt. His reaction was horrible and then he triggered so discussion was impossible.
I feel very selfish for being annoyed about that but if I'm honest, I am. I was upset and triggering, he reacted defensively and then made it all about him and his feelings so I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore.
Not allowing me to use the car is his way of punishing me, he did it after his Dday and admitted he was doing it as a punishment. It hasn't been an issue for several months now and if I'm perfectly honest it doesn't make a huge amount of difference to me. But now I have to tell the kids they can't see their Nanna and their Aunt and the rest of their family, who they haven't seen in over a month and Daddy won't see them this weekend either.
He's punishing the kids too. That's not fair.
Plus there's the safety issue of being in a remote location for a whole weekend with no public transport and two kids.
Edited for spelling
[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 5:33 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]