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Hi Mrs Life, I came across your posts recently and don’t know if I read them all or int the correct order. I am glad that you and your H are working things out. I have a question. On one of your posts, you stated that you felt love and a respect for your H but not the In love feelings. Do you still feel this way? I am struggling with these feelings myself. I’m the BS whose staying because of the family. We have a good life...but I’m sad that we both are missing out on that in love feeling. I understand the whole “mature love thing, loves a choice”.....but is it enough?

Mrs. Life,

Pray tell, How are y'all doing? My curiosity is more needful in a way than you likely realize. Please try to connect with what I say here as I explain myself further.

I respect and understand your desire to reach out to other waywards and people on the cusp of falling or failing in a way that is unbelievably harmful to themselves and others in their lives. You MUST know that I connect with that drive in you. I have a VERY similar drive myself even though my testimony and experience is quite different in a lot of respects, and I believe that you feel a great satisfaction and passion for helping victims and hurting people to get out of their respective cycles of self defeat and pain and sin.

That being said, your situation...you and your family...your HUSBAND, particularly...I soooooo empathize with him and his plight. There's something about him that resonates through you and your posts here on SI that I so deeply want to cheer for and "bet on" and BELIEVE for....

I don't relate to or connect very well with most men. So many of them are abusive, immature, lust-driven, insatiable selfish monsters that aren't worth my respect or time or energy. But you guys...I don't really know how to explain it.

My own FOO are all dead and have been for over two decades now. The "fellowship" we attend is a farce that does its own thing quite apart from what the Bible tells us to do. And they don't seem to have any intention of changing in that respect, either.

We are aliens and strangers in so many ways where we live, surrounded by liars and coveteous, greedy hypocrites who care nothing for compassion, honesty or anyone besides themselves it seems.

My wife is a hermit and a depressed one at that. My oldest son is estranged from us. I'm just not religious enough for his taste it seems (who has THAT problem with their teenage/twenty year old kids?) My MIL is the monster that pioneered waywardness/abandonment/rejection in her family as a hand-me-down legacy and tradition, from what I understand. And she STILL thrives on that kind of mindset and behavior it seems, in SPITE of all it has ravaged and destroyed for her and for her children and me and my grandfather. It is for this reason that my children aren't allowed contact with her anymore as of last Fall. And she is our only in-person " family" outside of our immediate household family within a very long distance from us.

We are ALONE in so many respects. It is not good. But back to my point, there is this verse you must undoubtedly know that says, " Where sin abounds, grace abounds much more...mother's milk dries up when the baby no longer nurses or isn't around to need it any longer...a cistern is not healthier than flowing/moving waters. Stagnation and apathy and sedentary behaviors are not healthier or more profitable or beneficial than actively moving and caring and goal-seeking and working towards.

That stuff...that "grace" of a sort, that encouragement, those words that I am soooooo strongly moved to share with YOU...I NEED THEM TOO! And I don't mean that I need them from you. What I mean is that your hearts draw this stuff out of me and I need that " purpose" and that life to flow...

Maybe I just sound completely crazy in saying all of this...but I miss...I REALLY miss being who I REALLY am deep down beneath all of MY pain and trauma and LOSS and abuse. I used to be worth something to others. And frankly, most people don't want the kind of stuff I have to offer because...well...I guess because I can't separate my faith out if it.

Everyone just wants "homogenized", pasteurized, no fat milk nowadays. The RAW stuff that's got more LIFE in it...is just too rich and strong and versatile. Cheese makers and yogurt and butter producers along with cream and buttermilk and other interests don't like losing face or clientele to the real, straightforward, plain and unfiltered thing. They like people paying them to get their little thimble full of nutrition mixed in with a boatload of politically correct and approved bull and "government cheese".

Maybe that's really selfish of me to be wanting to use your situation to help bolster and heal mine with as well, but that's what TRUE fellowship and communion is REALLY supposed to be. Even if I don't see you or know you with my eyes...He says, "believing is seeing", and YOU and your husband and your LIFE and family and situation...y'all SERIOUSLY stir up the coals of my faith and add kindling and wood to my " believing". Consequently, I SEE things I didn't or couldn't SEE otherwise. Maybe because I was squinting too much from the darkness and cold all around me. But the warmth and the light that comes from inside when the sparks and added connection of your..." LIFE/lives" that I can " see" in my own heart that I get " grace" to share with...It's not just you and yours that's warmed by that fire. It's my own heart and wife and children and other people here on SI that I speak to that get touched by it's sparks and light and warmth as WELL.

Please keep sharing here. I need it a LOT worse than even I knew, much less would you know...helping y'all helps US, and my wife and babies REALLY need me to be who I used to be instead of what this adultery and bitterness has tried to turn me into and make me become.

I think that you having witnessed the awful (albeit temporary) transformation of your husband from such crimes/sins as I now speak, you have some idea of what I'm taking about there, too. And I would daresay that I suffered much WORSE and over much more traumatic circumstances than he hopefully will EVER be able to relate to, for that matter.

But if all that overt, potential guilt and "coercion" and manipulation and salesmanship on my part doesn't get you to post on here more or to move you to greater compassion for BH/BS people like me and Oh4 (Ohforanewme), then at least know that I am very glad to have gotten to play a part in your family's story of "hopefully ever after" for whatever part I did and still yet do.

I can't tell you how good it is to see LIFE come out of "death" and what a rare and precious thing it is to me, too. I DID block abortion clinic doors and get a jail sentence for a reason, after all. And it wasn't for hate's sake or for anger's sake at ALL! It was for LIFE's sake and LOVE'S sake rather. Those "hundreds of angels in heaven cheering with great JOY over the sinner who repents" verse is no small thing in Christ's telling of the thing. And I reckon that hearing and setting their JOY and elation at such is extremely preferable to seeing and hearing their anger and grief at most of what usually occurs by stark contrast.

Sincerely Missing your posts, but cheering y'all on no matter what...your Brother in Christ,

Cephastion

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:38 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

I just read your original post for the first time. I wish my wife would speak to me the way you do in that post. Concern for the marriage, disbelief she could do such a thing, willing to do anything and everything for her husband.

I am so unbelievably hurt and lost... but if my wife just could talk to me with regret, remorse, anything. I read your post and realized that I’m just so jealous of your husband.

I miss your news and candid, caring-hearted sharing, Mrs. Life.

I hope that your relative silence is just a way of honoring your husband in some way and sacrificing for ya'll's mutual benefit.

If my posts you agreed to share with Mr. Life somehow adversely affected your freedoms here or ya'll's relationship in any way...well...you MUST know that that wasn't my heart's desire at ALL!

If you or he could let us know that all is well or at least maybe drop a line saying where things are kind of at with ya'll and/or SI, it sure would be nice to hear--even if it's seemingly "bad" news. But I'm assuming the best here for my own part, in a way. I'm hoping that jealousy got the better of him and he wanted you to give SI a serious break and see how you responded to that. Just a guess, but there it is.

Keep the faith, hope, and love no matter what, and I reckon we'll all meet and greet either here (SI), there, or in the air.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 6:45 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]

Just checking in, ASoCalledLife. I'm still here and interested in continuing our conversation if you are, or even talking about new things if that is more appealing. Feel free to message me if you would like. Hope all is well!

I’m sorry I haven’t posted on this thread. I did post recently in another forum here on SI, but not here. Infidelity has been very much on the back burner for me due to my mother’s untimely, unexpected death in mid-April. I am not taking it very well.

Nothing anyone here said or did is the reason why I stopped posting here; I was just trying to cope with this horrific change. I’m going to start attending grief counseling with my brother to try to deal with all of this - the loss of both parents. It’s hard. They were young; neither had even turned 60 yet. They had many, many more years of life ahead of them and I wasn’t ready to let them go. I’m still not ready.

I realize SI is an infidelity website and not a bereavement website, so I’m probably going to take a few month’s break from here. Right now the A is the last thing on my mind. I can’t handle it right now. I’m trying to hold it together so I stay sane. I had just barely started becoming close to my mom only to have her snatched away. That makes the whole thing feel almost like a cruel joke.

Then I think about how selfish it probably is to be focusing on how much I miss her rather than celebrating her life and what a great woman she was. And all of it makes the absence of my dad’s presence sting even more. It just sucks, all of it.

But I do have wonderful good news (this is sort of a cross post). As I mentioned above (and in the other thread outside of Wayward Side), my husband communicated with my brother and they mutually decided that my mother’s home shouldn’t be sold. Instead, my family (hubby, son, and I) will end our lease early and move into her home. This will be a HUGE financial help to us as that home is paid in full!!!! No more monthly rent for us! And even better, it’s my childhood home and has many happy, loving memories. It will be therapeutic to be there. My husband is so sweet and wonderful for making this happen for us.

Another bit of good news: last month my husband had his day in court (for assaulting the AP). He had to pay a fine and he was found guilty, BUT his attorney successfully arranged a plea bargain/deferred adjudication or disposition (sorry, don’t recall the exact term).

If my husband successfully completes a series of court-mandated anger management classes and community service hours within a specified period of time, the charges will be COMPLETELY expunged from his record!!!!! This is happy news that we’ve known for some time, but given the loss of my mother, it didn’t feel important to care about. However, I’m trying to count my blessings, and this is absolutely a blessing.

Thanks, and I wish you all well. I need to get myself together; will be back when I can breathe.

(((HUGS))). The loss of a parent who is so young is tragic...but losing both of them is overwhelming I am sure.

It seems that they gave you a wonderful gift by you being able to stay in the home where so much love and happiness from them came .

Mother's Day is just around the corner...and then Father's Day the next month. Just hang in there...one day at a time...and one day you WILL celebrate their life...after your grieving is done (((HUGS AGAIN))).

Sorry for your loss.