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The petty is strong today

landclark posted 11/22/2020 16:58 PM

Today is my second marriage anniversary since DDAY. Iím doing so much better this year than I was this time last year. The petty is strong today when it comes to the first OW though. Iíve pretty much written off any any others, but the first one continues to get to me. They were in love, plans of marriage, really invasive into my personal life, etc. I know Iím giving her headspace but not giving headspace to this bitch is easier said than done.

Anyway, part of me wants to text her and rub my anniversary in her face. I wonít of course, and not even sure what I would say. Just a reminder that she was used as an online play thing, nothing more, and itís me he is trying to win. That Iím the prize and always have been. She was just a desperate piece of trash.

I know it seems weird to brag about winning a cheater. Truly I didnít win because there was never really a competition. It was always going to be me who came out on top. Still, weird seeming proud of that, I know. Iíve figured out itís not so much about what Iíve won, itís really about her being a loser in every way, and that makes my little black heart happy. Lol

So yeah, happy anniversary to me, and yeah, Iím probably not a saintly BW. Lol

BearlyBreathing posted 11/22/2020 20:06 PM

Sainthood is overrated, LC.

Have your petty thoughts, enjoy them, then put them away and move on.
(I still hope OW ends up in a trailer park with missing teeth and scary hair ó but I donít spend much time there anymore. But once in a while, yeah ,it feels good.)

You are the prize.

sisoon posted 11/23/2020 10:12 AM

I think it's entirely normal to still have feelings about being betrayed a year and a half after d-day. Remember: the SI rule of thumb is 2-5 years to recover and R takes more work than recovery.

Even if it weren't normal, you're entitled to your feelings.

You have to go through a lot of pain to heal, but I'm as sure as I can be that you will be satisfied with the results.

(((landclark))) - a hug, if you want one

hikingout posted 11/23/2020 11:13 AM

Of course you feel that way, it's natural. The AP in our case knows not just about my affair, but knows probably more what was on his mind in the aftermath than I did. She also knows a lot about our finances, our business, she knows our daughter who was helping with certain things in the business. I get what you are saying entirely. That "taking back what's mine in a bigger more meaninful way than she had". I don't know how that happens but I am pretty sure that's going to be a long road.

yeah, Iím probably not a saintly BW. Lol

I have been seeing references to that in a few posts today. I think it's kind of derogatory towards those who are further out and try to help others see what it could look like. Reframing our view is part of healing, and those "saintly BS" are just giving that perspective of other ways to frame it. I don't think it's to shame people for where they are, they are just trying to share what they learned.

I know you don't mean it that way at all.

I am probably sensitive to it because there were WS who treated me like that, not realizing that there were WS before them that were reframing it for me. Some framing I took, some I didn't, but it always allowed me to expand the ways I thought about it.

Anyway, I am not trying to call you out on a post where you are sharing your pain. I don't even mean to make that part about you but as a generalized statement about that (hopefully short-lived) trend on the site.

I just think be okay with where you are, if others come to tell you how they reframed it, it's okay if you are not ready. And you may never want to frame it in the way they did.

Noone knows how to do this shit, you are completely fine. I am petty myself, I have taken to calling my H's AP "horse face" and asking him if she ever shut up long enough to have sex. Or how did she talk and give a blow job at the same time? So you are in good company.

landclark posted 11/23/2020 11:22 AM

I know you don't mean it that way at all.

Yeah, I didnít mean it that way. I was talking about myself and not a reference to any WS or BS that is here helping others. If people took it that way I do apologize, but it was not intended as a snarky remark towards anybody.

landclark posted 11/23/2020 11:28 AM

Anyway, I am not trying to call you out on a post where you are sharing your pain. I don't even mean to make that part about you but as a generalized statement about that (hopefully short-lived) trend on the site.

But you are calling me out even though you recognize I didnít mean anything by it. Gently, it could have been a separate post sharing your thoughts on the trend instead of making me feel as though Iíve offended a bunch of people.

Underserving posted 11/23/2020 11:40 AM

I feel like Iíve won in every aspect over the OW, and it still doesnít feel enough. I realize thatís my own issues I need to work on. She literally is engaged to a drug dealer who got arrested. Sheís gained a lot of weight and still posts skanky and classless pictures. She always posts her drug use (not marijuana) She doesnít have an education, and is overall a loser. I think even if she did end up toothless and in a trailer, which sheís not far off from, it still wouldnít be enough for me. Not the way my mindset is now. I definitely have not gotten to the point of indifference, which seems like such a far off place.

For now, the last image I have of her is her God awful mirror selfie where she looks like an out of shape, and unattractive hoe bag. Iím trying to force myself not to look anymore at any of her shit, and let that be the last memory of her until I donít think about her at all anymore

Wow. I didnít mean to make this all about me, but I get what you mean about the petty. Iím a pretty petty bitch.

hikingout posted 11/23/2020 11:57 AM

But you are calling me out even though you recognize I didnít mean anything by it. Gently, it could have been a separate post sharing your thoughts on the trend instead of making me feel as though Iíve offended a bunch of people.

I am sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like you offended anyone. I don't even know that you offended a single person. I saw this comment as a spin off from another post. I was more comfortable that you would understand me more than the other poster. I should not have said anything here, my main point really was that we shouldn't compare or have to feel we are being saintly. I should have maybe considered saying something like that instead.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 11/23/2020 12:04 PM

I don't think it is petty at all . I saw a shirt once that read..."It's not bragging if it's true". So...I will change it to be "It's not being petty if it's true" .

You DID win!! You won over something that was set up to destroy you . SHE was making plans...thinking she could have YOUR life...only she didn't have what it took to be anything NEAR your awesome self !! They were USING each other...and nothing GOOD ever comes out of an A...NOTHING.

I would definitely text her...tell her everything that is in your head and exactly what YOUR H truly thinks of her. You then have the option to hit "send"...or not . The thing about that is...it is YOUR choice...and SHE can't do anything about it!!

OR...you can write your past self a letter...letting her know that even though she is in so much PAIN...that she will work through that pain and it will end up making her STRONGER...HEALTHIER...and HAPPIER . To ME...my past self was still doubled up in horrific PAIN. I am talking about the woman whose 1st H left her for the adultery co-conspirator. Ironically...it was 30 years before...almost to the day of my present Dday that my past self had to deal with infidelity. I didn't realize how much my past self needed to "hear" that...so that she could get up...brush herself off...and say "I GOT THIS" !! YOU Dear Lady...have definitely "GOT THIS"!!!

Thissucks5678 posted 11/23/2020 12:08 PM

I think we all have petty thoughts and none of us are saints. Iím pretty far out and mostly donít care about the COW anymore, but when someone showed me a picture of her pregnant, I loved the fact that she looked like crap. I was never the model of a beautiful, glowing pregnant person, but I was happy to see that neither was she. I immediately hoped she had a terrible weight loss and saggy boobs and her SO would cheat on her when she was most vulnerable. I got past all that, but those were my immediate thoughts. It happens to all of us I think.

Notmine posted 11/23/2020 12:14 PM

5 years out and I make sure that I post "happy anniversary" pics on Facebook every year...just in case she is watching.

landclark posted 11/23/2020 12:21 PM

hikingout, no, I apologize. I initially took it in the spirit that you meant it, and then chose to be offended. Iím very sorry, and am always appreciative of your support and advice.

landclark posted 11/23/2020 12:23 PM

Notmine, my WH posted on Facebook yesterday recognizing our anniversary. I think it was the first time he has ever done that. The OW is blocked, but I hope she does see it. I thought about sending her a screenshot. Lol

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