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Think heís cheating. Need help with audio

ellemm posted 10/25/2020 17:42 PM

I suspect my husband is being unfaithful again. Itís been a rough few months and heís back to many old habits and doesnít seem very interested in making this work anymore. There was a period where I was gone for several hours and he was home alone. The security cam in our kitchen picked up him messing with the camera as soon as I left and I felt it was suspicious. I listed to the audio and I swear Iím hearing something. Itís so faint and thereís a lot of noise but I feel like itís there. Heís making me sound crazy and I donít know if my mind is playing tricks on me or Iím hearing the words and sounds I think I am. Is there someone here that could listen to these 2 short audio files and help me or tell me where I can send them? I tried to send to rev to transcribe and they cancelled it because it was too difficult. I need to know. 😞

ShutterHappy posted 10/25/2020 18:10 PM

To SI readers:

As a general rule, I would say be very wary getting and playing a file from someone else on the internet.

At a minimum, I would examine the file in a throw away Virtual Machine.

ellemm posted 10/25/2020 18:17 PM

ShutterHappy, I absolutely understand that concern. It does not appear I can upload them here. I am open to hearing any deemed safe avenues to share the audio files, or just point me to someone who is good at this stuff. Iím not here to cause anyone any more trust issues. I just really really need to know.

Whatslove posted 10/25/2020 20:32 PM

I'd be happy to give a listen but since we can't private message, I don't know how you could get the file to me.

ellemm posted 10/25/2020 21:44 PM

Well dang. 😂 That does present a challenge. I'm new to this format. How do I get the ability to private message? Is it a paid feature?

ETA: never mind I figured it out. Looks like I need to post some more to open up that feature.

[This message edited by ellemm at 9:46 PM, October 25th (Sunday)]

unsearch posted 10/25/2020 22:11 PM

Hi ellemm:

I'm a newbie, but I think you can only send private messages once you've posted 50 times. You can apparently message the administrators though, maybe they can make an exception or figure out a way for you guys to swap the file.

I've had staff at Best Buy help with similar problems, but that could be a little awkward in this instance.

I hope it turns out your husband has a good explanation for this.

Edit - Oops, you're way ahead of me - should have read your entire post.

[This message edited by unsearch at 10:13 PM, October 25th (Sunday)]

Bigger posted 10/26/2020 03:47 AM

Iím going to second what ShutterHappy warns against.
In fact Ė I will take it one step further:

At a minimum, I would examine the file in a throw away Virtual Machine.

If you have the technical proficiency to know what a Virtual Machine and/or the ability to set up a throw away Virtual Machine then chances are you also have the proficiency to know and understand why you shouldnít accept these files.

Itís less than 3 months since we last threw out a troll that asked posters to view some recordings he didnít dare view himself. I am not saying Ellemm is a troll Ė but rather that comparable methods are used by hackers and trolls.

By all means offer Ellemm technical or practical advice (and since it should be general advice then do so in this open thread) but DO NOT open up to accepting files or listening to them where you need to sign up unless you are at a minimum OK with possibly sacrificing your anonymity.

Ellemm Ė google phrases like ďonline audio noise reductionĒ. You can find sites you can upload the file to and tweak the recording.

ShutterHappy posted 10/26/2020 06:21 AM

elllemm,

In my opinion, you donít need the audio. In the thread you started in Reconciliation, your WH says ď I'm not sure it's worth the hassleĒ and is still in contact with the OW through snapchat.

If you were doing true R, you would have full access to all electronic device. You could check his phone.

You are still in Infidelity. Your WH is still cheating.

You donít need extra proof with that audio. What you should do is heed the advice of others in the other thread.

That means, do the 180, detach, talk to a lawyer and start the D process. This is not what you want to hear, but thatís the best path forward for you.

ellemm posted 10/26/2020 07:01 AM

I have uploaded it to several audio manipulating apps. They either increase the noise so itís worse or decrease everything completely. I submitted it twice to rev which cancelled the order both times. I offered to go through whatever loopholes so that whomever is willing to help feels safe. I completely understand the hesitation but emotionally I am not here for it. Going through enough at home to be thought a possible troll in a support group. I get it. So thank you to those that offered, and Iíll just figure out another way to handle this. Sorry if Iíve upset anyone. I hope this doesnít come across as harsh Iím just...exhausted

As for my previous post over 2 years ago. Yes I did discover everything. And then as I was pursuing divorce everything changed and I saw what I thought was true change and there was actual work done. Perhaps I stupidly took him back. But it was a good 2 years and yes I had access to everything. Then something shifted the past few months and he seems over dealing with me. Decided to go stay with his family for awhile and changed all his passwords. Heís claiming heís being faithful, just having a mental breakdown and that I am toxic and negative and heís over feeling bad about himself about everything. Itís absolute gaslighting because I am not that person. I am looking in to separation. I am consulting with attorneys so Iím prepared if I pursue this route. He is making me sound like a crazy person and Iíll be damned if he gets away with it again. I would absolutely love to validate myself and not let him spin this story. And I absolutely can not stay if he is being unfaithful again. Itís a peace of mind I would love to have. Thatís all.

[This message edited by ellemm at 7:25 AM, October 26th (Monday)]

ShutterHappy posted 10/26/2020 07:22 AM

I apologize. I didnít realize your other postings are 2 years old.

Bigger didnít say you are a troll. What we are trying to say is that we had trolls trying to get others to download files.

The problem is that people want to help here, but they donít know how to protect themselves. I tell everyone to be careful. I can assure you itís not directed towards you.

So you have been in R for 2 years and you have new suspicions?

ellemm posted 10/26/2020 07:28 AM

I understand ShutterHappy. I edited my post to hopefully sound less upset. Tone is hard to read in text. I really do understand the hesitation. Itís difficult to hear nonetheless.

Yes, R for 2 years and then idk everything went to hell in the past couple of months.

ShutterHappy posted 10/26/2020 09:02 AM

Decided to go stay with his family for awhile and changed all his passwords. Heís claiming heís being faithful, just having a mental breakdown and that I am toxic and negative and heís over feeling bad about himself about everything

Well, heís a cheater. How do you know he was at his parents? Trying to make you believe your the cause of his issues where heís probably seeing someone else again. Youíre correct, heís gas lighting you.

His job is to re-establish trust. Own up to what he did and take the steps to make it right.

R is a gift. He is not dealing with you, you are dealing with him.

As the adult in this relationship, you are taking the right steps. He is behaving like a wayward, and you do the 180 and start the D process.

Strenght! Youíll get through this!

ellemm posted 10/26/2020 09:19 AM

Valid point. His family is in another state and he did stay with them. I know because they posted photos and videos of his surprise visit on FB and heís still connected to our familyís life360 tracking that we use to keep tabs on our teens. Otherwise, I would have been suspicious myself. But I do agree with you. Heís not doing his job and has failed his responsibilities to me.

Whatslove posted 10/26/2020 12:13 PM

Could you make a throw away YouTube account and upload it and post the link? I believe that would protect the listeners as well. I'm sure there's a rule about that too but I know the position you're in and I'm sorry.

SadieMae posted 10/26/2020 12:44 PM

Have you tried downloading & using Audacity? We've had luck with that at work for decreasing background noise.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this all again 2 years on. :(

Hippo16 posted 10/26/2020 18:47 PM

ellemm

Check out "Dropbox" for file sharing. Beware that it doesn't protect against files with virus/malware or ??? dastardly stuff.

It is up to the "downloader" to verify the file is safe before opening.

Audacity has a lot of tools that can assist in sorting through a sound bite - but the task gets pretty hairy with all the choices of things you can do.

Beware that lots of devices save files using "lossy" compression both to save space on storage device and also make file much smaller for transmission economy. If possible always save file at highest possible resolution (wav format generally) and then consider other format for transmission (like an audio of you playing the Ukulele.)

The1stWife posted 10/26/2020 20:55 PM

If nothing was or is going on, why did he ďadjustĒ the camera?

Hmmmm.....

Listen, you donít need proof. You never did. If you want to leave you can say ďthis is no longer working for me and itís best we DĒ.

Period.

He sounds miserable. Heís insulting. Heís blaming you for his unhappiness. Then itís ok to leave. Itís okay to admit itís no longer good, you tried your best but itís time to end it. You donít have trust. Heís moved out. He changed his passwords.

He can be a coward and refuse to be honest.

Doesnít t mean you have to accept it or live with his changes or his behavior and poor treatment of you.


DigitalSpyder posted 10/27/2020 07:00 AM

You could post them to Youtube or soundcloud, but if you've got to go that far, as others have said, couple what your feeling now with his behavior and what would a reasonable person think? There comes a point when you have to accept the reality of what is going on. His actions are the actions of someone who...

DragnHeart posted 10/27/2020 07:10 AM

You could just hide a voice activated recorder in the house and make yourself gone for a bit again. That way he wont know about it to move or mess with it and you could get the evidence you need.

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