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He stabbed a kid with a pencil omg!!!

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DragnHeart posted 10/20/2020 15:51 PM

Yep my Big D (6). Got a call from his teacher that another student had built a sand castle and he tried to break it but she had tried to protect it so he "tried to move her hand with the pencil" and ended up stabbing her.

Nothing serious injury wise but omg!

So I ask him if anything happened today.

He says "why are you asking?"

I say I got a call....

It took a bit but he tells me what happened through tears saying over and over that hes sorry and he didnt mean to hurt her and he knows stabbing is bad.

Now hes the one who is in a split class with just one other student in his grade. The older kids never play with him and hes hated school. I've been worried that he would lash out at one of the older kids but this seems to be more of an accident than a malicious act. At least I hope so.

Find out today that the other student in his grade isnt there anymore so Big D is all alone. But...his teacher said that hes picking up on the next grade work so well that she expects him to be two grades ahead by the end of the year.

Not surprising. Wh called me quietly to the living room the other evening. Big D was standing there counting....in French. Hes not even taking french yet.

So far theres still no way to move the kids from in class to at home learning. And the school board has just informed ALL of us of new protocols and a new form that must be filled out (but have yet to present the form itself) for illness.

Stress abounds with all the parents right now.

I like the idea of big d learning to his full potential while in class but I worry about his mental state being the odd kid out.

Any advice for me to help him adjust to being the odd kid?

Notthevictem posted 10/20/2020 16:10 PM

Dragonfart, I think it'll be fine.

DragnHeart posted 10/20/2020 16:12 PM

I hope so!

Part of me is totally mortified that he did that.

I was stabbed with a pencil in school on my wrist. I still have the scar.

Luckily this time it wasnt that bad. But he still broke skin.

I dont want him acting out if this is what it was and not just an accident.

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 4:25 PM, October 20th (Tuesday)]

zebra25 posted 10/20/2020 16:37 PM

Can you usually tell if he is lying?

It sounds like it could have been an accident.

That's fantastic he is moving ahead academically in that class. Do the kids make an issue of his age?

I hope something works out for you.

DragnHeart posted 10/20/2020 17:49 PM

Yes I can totally tell when he is lying, which he doesnt do often because he sucks at doing it. He knows that mommy knows all lol

Hes a mommy's boy. Always wants to snuggle with me. He is straightforward. Tells it like it is.

I'm not sure of the kids make an issue of his age or his size. All of my kids are much smaller than their peers. So even within the same age group they are small. Him being in a class a year ahead, well he stands out.

zebra25 posted 10/20/2020 18:13 PM

Sounds like a smart, sweet kid!!

It does help when they aren't good liars.

DragnHeart posted 10/20/2020 18:37 PM

None of the kids lie very well at all thankfully.

They all cant hold eye contact and studded through what they are trying to say. Lol.

They know that mom always knows lol

WhatsRight posted 10/20/2020 19:39 PM

I totally have never had a child who was advanced academically, but I have know friends with kids in that situation.

Is it possible the age differences, and size differences create a social environment that is really tough?

How do you know how to balance that against the academic advantages?

You are a tough mom and I know you will figure it out!

DragnHeart posted 10/20/2020 20:01 PM

Is it possible the age differences, and size differences create a social environment that is really tough?

Yes I imagine so. He doesnt have any of his friends from last year with him now. The classes cannot mingle during recess or lunch so he cant even play them. That's got to be hard on him. While his twin sister shows me her agenda every day and things she does he wmdoesnt even open his bag when he gets home. Today he was happy with a mummy face he made, the eyes move, so that's something but he still just isnt a happy kid when he gets home.

How do you know how to balance that against the academic advantages?

Man I wish I had an answer for this. I was bumped ahead for specific classes in school. Math, reading I was bumped up three grades to do classes with the older kids. Man was it awkward and weird and uncomfortable. Didnt last thankfully. I actually think I sabotaged it so I could stay with my own friends. I know I was reading and doing math at least three grades ahead. But I was a book worm and would read chapters from multiple books at night. Somewhere along the lines I lost the math. Went to high school and just couldn't manage until I got my co op placement amd they used math in real world scenarios. Apply it and I got it.

Of course I was going through alot as a kid. Much no one ever knew about (molested). That screws with your head.

My Big D had a very rough start. From taking his first breath to being able to raise his head, sit up, stand and walk. He still has issues walking/running. Stairs can be a challenge. He gets tired easily. So it's hard for him to keep up with the other kids.

I did receive an email that there will only be one teacher in his class now. That will help with continuity. The same face every day. And if hes able to keep up with his work and do the work of the other kids then I'm all for it. Just have to keep an eye on how hes doing mentally through it all.

WhatsRight posted 10/20/2020 21:04 PM

Dragn...you’ve got this!!! ❤️

Jeaniegirl posted 10/20/2020 21:15 PM

Dragn, did you decided to leave the kids in school instead of virtual? I know that KIDS are feeling the covid crisis, just like adults. Kids thrive on routine and consistency and they aren't getting it.

In all this mess, I feel more sympathy for the elderly and kids -- because it's all so rough on them.

tushnurse posted 10/21/2020 08:17 AM

OH come on .... who hasn't been stabbed w/ a pencil at some point. My H and I both have pencil lead in our hands from similar incidents in elementary school. It's a right of passage I'm almost certain.....

Seriously though talk about boundaries, and using words. It will be ok. He's a kid.

DragnHeart posted 10/21/2020 08:24 AM

Dragn, did you decided to leave the kids in school instead of virtual?

This was a family decision. We talked alot about it, both just wh ans6 I and then us with the kids. They all wanted to go back. They all knew they would have to wear a mask that's why we started having them wear them at home.

The cases by us were never high. We believed it was worth a try. The fact that the school boards have noe been changing the rules for going virtual is a pain. Aldo never expected Big D to be put in a split class.

It's a right of passage I'm almost certain.....

That's pretty much what wh said when I told him lol.

survivingslowly posted 10/21/2020 12:29 PM

Just from another angle, if DS skips ahead a grade, then in the long run, him and twin sister won't graduate together....unless she skips too.

Just something to consider long term.

He can also stay in the same grade and get extra work to do so he doesn't get bored.

My middle one skipped grade 1, and graduated at 17. She's best friends with boy/girl twins who also graduated with her. Knowing these two, I can't imagine them having different graduating years.

DragnHeart posted 10/21/2020 12:39 PM

Just from another angle, if DS skips ahead a grade, then in the long run, him and twin sister won't graduate together....unless she skips too.

That's funny. It's one of the first things my parents said as well. Worried that his sister will be upset that hes ahead of her.

I'm really not sure how to handle it. Little m is smart but I dont know if she would skip ahead. He does have an advantage being the only grade one student in a grade two class....hes going to catch onto the other work being done. He hears something once and it's in his brain forever.

He can recite an entire movie, each character etc. Its scary....

My mom clarified that in grade five or six I was doing grade eight work. Must have been grade five because i was in Mrs. M's class and used to leave class to go down the hall to do work. In grade six I was in a portable with my home class.

Its only the second month of school so I'll have a talk with his teacher come first term reports and see if hes really advanced or just learning more because he hears it being taught to the grade two kids.

In the mean time i can work with his sister more at home to get her on a similar level.

survivingslowly posted 10/21/2020 14:50 PM

Being that it's common knowledge that girls mature faster than boys, twin sister may end up with resentment down the road.

I think it would be really cool to be there on grad. night and see them together. As of course, they have been together their whole lives.

However, the conundrum is, do you hold DS back from his potential so his sister can catch up?

Really hard to know.

We made some wrong decisions with 2 of ours (but then corrected them).

With our oldest, (dec. baby), put her in K at age 4.

Did not go well....not socially mature. Pulled her out by Halloween and back to play school. How we knew that it wasn't going well was a few potty accidents (this is a kid who never had an accident from potty training). She was too shy to tell the teacher she had to go. Started stuttering, never ate anything at school (she's never had to self regulate meals before), didn't know how to tie her shoes, etc. She was also in a class with a significant number of other Dec. babies who were held back, so going on 6 while she was going on 5. Big difference at that age.

Pulling her was the right decision at that time.

Middle one (also a dec. baby)....we decided to hold her back after our experience with the older one. (she was born on the cutoff).

Again, wrong decision.....we did not realize how much influence the older sister had on her and how much she had learned.

She was in a combined grade 1/2 class doing grade 1 work. By Nov. of that year, they had her doing grade 2 work and she transitioned to grade 2 by March. It was the right decision. So, we righted 2 wrongs.

However, they are now 18 and 20 and were only 1 grade apart in school. Plus, in French immersion, all through middle school in combined classes.

My 20 yo still comments that she's so stupid that she failed K. Which is so not true.

My middle is in her first semester of her second year of uni. and she's still just 18....couldn't go to the bar with her friends, the last one to get her license, etc.

She was such a perfectionist that if she got one question wrong in dictee (french spelling), she would have a meltdown.

So, the bigger question is, is DS socially mature enough to handle being with older kids? The last of everything....to puberty, to driving, drinking etc.?

Some things to ponder. Listen to your gut. And not just look at academics, but also to social maturity, friends, his sister and all that will come of it in the future.

I think we righted some wrongs, but I do regret the fact that my oldest felt stupid for "failing" K. She may have held onto that her entire school life.

There's no advantage to being the youngest at graduation or even at college or the work force. You can give them time to be a kid.

If I knew then what I know now, I may have made a different decision re: my middle one.

Last at everything.....last to turn 18 and be able to drink or vote, last going through puberty, last to needing to wear a bra, last at everything. I'm sure it wasn't fun for her.

She was born Dec. 31 (the cutoff here), so there was not one single person in her grade that was younger than her.

Anyway, follow your gut and do what's right for your family. I'm just giving you perspective from 15 years ago.

My youngest is a twin and I couldn't imagine them graduating in separate years (which is this year for me). I think someone's feelings would be seriously hurt.

Just look ahead to the future.

somanyyears posted 10/21/2020 15:04 PM

..have to wonder if the parents of the girl will have more to say or further action by the school board. Hope nothing gets too bent out of shape.

As for skipping a grade, completing 2 years in one, I am strongly opposed. My wife did it and it was the second biggest mistake of her life.


DragnHeart posted 10/21/2020 15:08 PM

have to wonder if the parents of the girl will have more to say or further action by the school board. Hope nothing gets too bent out of shape

Sorry I am reading replies but busy so I'll be back to address everyone once dinner is over and the kids are settled.

Smy I did want to speak to the above comment.

Teacher used the word stabbed, but said that although there was blood it wasnt like a knife wound thing. More of a scraped with pencil thing. She also said she felt it had been handled appropriately at school, that Big D wasnt being malicious and was more of an accident than anything. I've had this happen to my kids and I didn't freak out. Shit my kids have had worse happen at school. So....all I can do is hope nothing more happens.

Adlham posted 10/21/2020 15:34 PM

DragnHeart that totally sounds like an accident to me.

And definitely a rite of passage lol

If it's an consolation, let me lend some solidarity- when my youngest started kindergarten, we got a phone call on day 3. She had stabbed a boy with safety scissors and broke the skin!

Apparently, he was trying to bite her. Talk about conflicted! On the one hand, of course she shouldn't do that. She should have told the teacher.

OTOH, it *was* self-defense. Part of me felt like "hell yes, you go girl!"

Definitely an awkward conversation with the teacher!

As for the rest, that's hard. I don't really have any ideas. It is hard being different in any way when kids hit school age. I remember struggling because I was so bored and unchallenged. I was in a 4th/5th grade split class and by mid year, I had completed most of the 4th grade work and had started on 5th grade work (I was in the younger class). Even that made me "different."

Does he have any hobby-type interests that you could foster? I liked books and sewing and creating things. My mom fostered that to keep me busy and I was content to hang out alone.

I still prefer a good book over socializing lol

Sending love.

DragnHeart posted 10/21/2020 15:53 PM

I'm thinking back.

When we moved I started grade 3 in a catholic school. That year was hell, being bullied and abused badly. Next year my parents put me into the public school in the same small hamlet we loved in. I started there grade 3 but I think was in a 3/4 split.

So that would mean that when I was tested in grade 5 and doing grade 8 level work I was only two years ahead since I should have been in grade 6.

I was about the oldest in my home class. First to get my license, first to legally drink etc. (Everyone already drank way ahead of that lol). It was awkward. I got along better with the older students and those in the grade lower. Never MY grade level.

Being an odd one out always sucks. I was a red head, glasses, braces, chubby....and short. Might as well have had a sign that said kick me here...

My kids are all very tiny compared to peers. So right out of the gate theres a difference they cant do anything about.

Big D was very quiet all though junior kindergarten at age 4. Came out of his shell in Senior kindergarten. He and his sister were moved into separate classes due to class size and both thrived. We worried they wouldn't handle being apart but they did fine.

BIG d is very content here to play by himself. Wh collects Godzilla stuff. Big D is a huge fan too and loves the old movies that arent even in English. Wh opened his Godzilla toys so BigD could play with them and he will sit for hours playing out what happens in the movies. Hes good that way.

I want all of my kids to thrive in school. Dd 12 and DS 10 both have learning issues and have IEPs. The twins do not. Didnt need speech therapy. BigD didn't meet his physical milestones and was way behind but when it happened it all happened fast.

I appreciate the input. I'll have a chat with his teacher and see what her thoughts are.

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